School dilemma

[mrsblueskies]

Hello - having a school choice wobble, so this is a 'what would you do with your academic DC and crucially reasons why?' question.

13+ school choice :

Small, gentle, v friendly, broad ability, ISI 'good' local indie - child would easily be top of the top set.

V

Large - top 10 'name' super selective, ISI 'exceptional' indie school.
Child would be in top third of large cohort.

Thank you!!

From the other side:

I was the child (with a scholarship, at an independent school) that was top of the class in everything without breaking a sweat.

I was at a school like your choice 1. Small, friendly, nurturing. No great shakes in league table terms. The headmaster of my prep was horrified when I (my parents) turned down scholarships to other, high flying, prestigious schools to take up the one offered by my school.

I can't say I was extended in every single subject, but I certainly was in the ones I was deeply interested in, and also in the ones where I needed to be (e.g. because of being pushed through at my prep, and skipping foundation stuff leaving gaps in knowledge).

My school ran extra gcse options, just for me, and then again at A level. I was the only pupil in two of my A level classes, something which simply wouldn't have happened at a different school due to staffing/timetabling constraints. Being the only pupil obviously meant I could be stretched and extended, and I was. Lots of reading sideways, extra background. I covered a lot of university level stuff because I was interested, and my situation allowed it.

Don't make the mistake of going purely by track record either. This lowly, non-academic, friendly nurturing school, overlooked by many in favour of the 'better' schools managed a very high Oxbridge application rate in my year (11 out of 48 of us; 5 successful). Sometimes, the 'lower' option is the better one, as it was for me.

Ah no, I don't mean that at all. Ours was brilliant fun - more so than any other schools I've seen. They had a good balance of work and play and had extraordinary traditions that mark the children out as 'belonging' for evermore.
For us it wasn't the grades - eldest did 6As at A level from the comprehensive. The grades at independent were a given an no big deal.

The hothouse is about social hothouses that create an elite cohort of incredibly confident and affluent young people who are very well connected and they offer opportunities others can only imagine. I think my eldest went camping with friends in Dorset post GCSE my youngest went yachting in Balearics, water skiing in Annecy, an all expenses paid holiday in Montreaux (another girls birthday party for 12 friends), had free tickets to Centre Court and a weekend wine tasting in Bordeaux.

That is what the difference is - the networks you create and can tap into to build whatever career you want. It's nice for those who have the opportunity but I do worry about the inequality.

of course the small school where he is easily top won't want to lose him!

why on earth would you want your child to be at the top of every class?

• where's his inspiration?
• where's his challenge, debate, comaraderie?
• where will be his use of the extra help / support etc available at independents, he simply won't need it.
• he will crash at A levels / uni when he suddenly isn't top.

no contest.

Assuming that both schools have teachers capable of teaching to the level that your DC is capable of then my position would depend on the personality of your DC. The 'exceptional' indie if your DC would feel isolated academically or stifled after a few years, likes bouncing ideas around with friends, is motivated more by peers than by teachers or could become complacent and self satisfied.
However the smaller school could do just as well if your DC is one of those that follows their unique path independently of their peers but would benefit from more encouragement and nurturing to participate in wider school activities that are not in their comfort zone but would give more confidence for later life.

I am going to go against the grain and say Option 1. It sounds like you think he may be happier there. You'll spend less time travelling. The super selective independent round here has high rates of mental illness in the children but gets fantastic results.

If he's top of the top there is only one way to go! If he has to jostle for top spot it may push him further and he'll also realise you don't win everything.
When I went to Oxford there were a few people who were always top at school, big shock to the system when they were no longer the wonder kid! Some hated it as a result.

I find that the people who refer to my child's school as a hothouse are the parents of kids who have not been offered places there whereas those that have kids that attend have a different view, find the school supportive, diverse, socially aware, creative, sporty and an all round good educational experience.

@Crumbs1 - ah ok thanks for the clarification. I must admit I think the top SS looks like DC would have a fab time. I worry about the inequality too.

@sm40

Yes that's what I have always thought, I want DC to realise not top of top sooner rather that later - but HM of other non selective option has cast the doubt in my mind re having that as a strategy - and yes of course he has his own agenda...but it made me think...

@castleontheground

Yes pressure and burn out are concerns. The ratio of applications to places is around 1 in 4 - with hundreds applying. DC came well within top 10% so I am (perhaps naively) thinking DC would cope well.

@Allthebestnamesareused

I find that the people who refer to my child's school as a hothouse are the parents of kids who have not been offered places there whereas those that have kids that attend have a different view, find the school supportive, diverse, socially aware, creative, sporty and an all round good educational experience.

Really!! Honestly that is a thing? Not come across that, but then i do now find it so hard to take views on face value as everyone has their own agenda - whether they know it or not!! Must admit this SS doesn't seem hot houseish at all!!

@sendsummer

Assuming that both schools have teachers capable of teaching to the level

That's the thing. I don't think the teaching is equal at all. The ISI reports support this. If the teaching at small broad ability indie was fabulous then I would choose it over too 10 SS, no question. But it's not, it's patchy and I think maybe that is a deal breaker.

@nocampinghere

I can't imagine you'd be wobbling in my situation ...think I agree with you, just less confidence!

@OnwardsNewLifeAhead

How did you find the Oxford cohort once you arrived - was it the 'come down' and shock everyone describes?

Your school sounds great! However. This broad ability school not making any noises that such special provision would be put in place for DC. They honestly believe the academic opportunities equal to the top 10 SD school - and further, implying to us that our decision should therefore be made on fact it's a small, friendly school, even smaller class sizes and ease of it being local etc.

@Brighteyes27

Yes that's my fear for a cohort of around 150!

Dd had a choice of smaller, 'nurturing' girls' school with big scholarship where she'd have been easily right at the top of the cohort or a bigger, highly selective school with a slightly smaller scholarship. We decided on the bigger school and so far it's been very successful. She's very shy so I wondered how she'd cope in the bigger environment but she's managed to find a lovely group of friends who are similarly quiet-ish and fairly studious. She's doing really well academically and enjoys having lots of other children working st a similar level to her. And as it's a larger school there are other opportunities open to her. In your situation I'd definitely go for school 2

Oh and 150 isn't really that big - one of my dc has a year group of 300+ - that's big!

150 is not that big tbh. Mine have cohorts of 240. That does feel too big.

@castleontheground @Noitsnotteatimeyet

Really? 150 seems pretty big - I think they add a few more for sixth form.

I am back to believing in top 10 SS - worth a go at the very least!! Thanks so much everyone for taking the time in sharing your experiences and viewpoints etc. Been very helpful and much appreciated.

My school has a cohort of 390.

Unless your DC is at school 1 now, how do you know they would be the most able/top of the class?

@CaulkheadUpNorf

Yes - at junior linked part of school 1 now - cohort doesn't change much.