What can non uni educated/low income parents do to bridge the educational gap

[ilikespaghetti]

Read part of the parental income thread & felt quite disheartned, dh & I are non uni educated & would be on quite an average payscale. We want to give dc the best educational prospects we can but all the odds are against us so it seems. How can the likes of us bridge the edcuational gap & ensure our dc can compete with kids from private schools & kids who are from homes where both parents have degrees etc... Bit sad reading the thread to be honest...

[NeverTwerkNaked]

meglet I'm in the same place as you with an ex currently refusing foreign travel (and I can't easily afford to go to court!)... Allergies wise though, dont let it deter you, with lots of plannjng it can all be fine! I used to take lots of translation cards etc (even in France where I am fairly fluent) and there is great advice on the anaphylaxis uk website (both my two have severe allergies)
But there are also other ways to increase exposure to other languages - I spent my pocket money on French children's books and read them, listened to French music and radio and these days you could also follow foreign language websites /social media...
Similarly with, say, music and theatre - you can watch RSC plays at cinemas now, and listen to classical music radio stations etc (just a few random examples!)

[Spam88]

Please don't worry OP!

My parents left school with about three CSEs between them. Have always worked hard but just didn't follow an academic path. I have postgraduate degrees and a professional career, and I wouldn't remotely say I felt disadvantaged whilst trying to achieve that.

I don't think I can offer any more advice than you've already been given. Encourage lots of reading, support their various interests as they come and go, encourage a positive attitude towards school and, later on, ensure they're given time to do homework.

[ActuallyThatsSUPREMECommander]

And when it comes to information about GCSE/A level choices and institutions, don't be ashamed to ask people who might be better informed - e.g. MN education threads - there are some bullshitters but it soon becomes obvious who knows their stuff.

I look and sound like the sort of person who would know what they're talking about when it comes to working the education system - and that impression is backed up by my detailed spreadsheets of every secondary school within a five mile radius. DD's primary school mate was bright, but ticked multiple deprivation boxes. Her mum however was fiercely ambitious for her and asked for my spreadsheets of doom. Her DD is currently at school with the offspring of two cabinet ministers - it's a long commute and not a choice everyone would make, and yes of course you shouldn't have to "work the system" like that, but it worked for her priorities.

[hidingmystatus]

I would say, in addition to everything above - AIM HIGH. Don't let people tell you "it's not for people like us/you". That perpetuates inequality. You can't succeed if you don't aim for it.
Don't let careers advisers or even teachers tell you that all GCSEs or A-levels are equal: they are not. Do your own research because that's what you can trust. Low expectations are pernicious and damaging.
If you're asking this question, you don't expect less than your DC can achieve if properly supported, so make sure no-one else does either.

[tinypop4]

Neither my aunt or uncle are degree educated but have very academically successful dc. They were relentless about getting them into good schools (one dc was clever enough for a very selective Grammar, and the other got into an excellent faith school). Prior to this they paid for extra tuition through Kumon for dc1 as he was a very able mathematician. They had very very high expectations of their dc and were vocal in telling them they were able/clever. Both went to Cambridge and have successful careers.
I'm not saying this is how you do it but this is what they did !

[WilliowGreen]

You have had some really good advice on this thread. It sounds like you are great parents and shouldn't feel inferior to the posh parents.

It's not the qualifications that matter it is taking an interest. There is also research which shows that of people who do go to university those from less privileged backgrounds outperform their better off peers because they had to work hard to get there.

At the age your kids are it is about encouraging their interest and taking to them so they can have a good vocabulary.

As they get older encourage them to take advantage of university widening participation schemes. You can also research opinions so you can help them but you might not need to because they might be self motivated. Kids who are from less well off backgrounds often are, I was.
My secondary school had a very low proportion of people who got good GCSEs and even fewer who went to university. Most of the gifl had at least one baby by the time they were 20. But of those who did go to university have done incredibly well for themselves. Two of us have PhDs, two are lawyers one girl went to Oxford for her Masters degree. ( I am not in any way saying this is the only version of success but it is not the story you would expect looking at our backgrounds).

[WhamBamThankyouGeorge]

I think things could change anyway. 'The squeezed middle who were privately educated themselves (and aren't overly successful now) and can't afford private schools for their children are now typically working extremely long hours and will struggle to put in the time to read with their children where both parents are working.
Those who perhaps had less education are more likely to be in trade roles where they work shorter hours and are likely to spend more time encouraging their children (and also seem to earn more than some typically white collar roles so may also be able to afford private schools).
Times are a changing!
Plus many large employers are actively recruiting bright children from less well off backgrounds and getting them on board early on and sponsoring through university.
It sounds like your children will do well because you care anyway.
Don't feel despondent.

[sendsummer]

Reading and discussing with them what they have read or current issues, encouraging opportunities for public speaking, debating and anything that they enjoy that will make them at ease with themselves and others.
If their schools and classmates are uninspiring at secondary level don't let them be restrained by that world but use public talks, open days at universities or science fairs, literature festivals philosophy and ethical debates or what ever to give them the chance to be inspired by charismatic communicators.
I agree with PPs that university open days as soon as Y10-Y11 will also help to inform choices, motivate and also open their minds to possibilities.

[bojorojo]

I have been thinking about this thread and one thing that came to mind is trying to ensure your children are enthusiastic. People like teaching enthusiastic children. Find hobbies and try and give them a joy of learning. That is a great attribute for any child.

Personally I would not teach them about class warfare! It is not necessary and some people do not like such a hard attitude. Just get on with being who you are without hating anyone else.

[ColdTattyWaitingForSummer]

I'm a single mum, out of work (disability), live on a council estate and left school at 15. Ds1 is on track to go to uni in a couple of years (obviously he still needs to pass his exams!) But he is one of the brightest and most motivated teenagers I have ever met. Now maybe it might be harder for him to go away to one of the fanciest unis, but I know with his brains and determination he could. I like to think the one thing I've given him is the aspiration that he can do better, and have more, than I did. Whereas when I look around my area that aspiration is sadly lacking.

[happygardening]

"in trade roles where they work shorter hours"
WhanBam do you actually know anyone on "trade rolls"? My DH's company employs site tradesmen yes your right they earn significantly more that many white collar jobs and so they should because they are very highly skilled. But gone are the days of 9-4 Mon to Thursday with two hours for lunch and 1/2 day on Friday. Most are working a 50+ hours a week, commuting significant journeys at the beginning and end of a day or staying in London Mon to Frid and returning to their families and weekends.
OP Ive not read all of the thread but your spoken and unspoken expectations of your DC's are so important. Also expose your children to as much as possible, as many different experiences as you can find it doesn't matter how useful or useless they might be. Don't make anything too formal just casually incorporate as many different thing as you can into their lives nothing is ever pointless IMO and most importantly of all have fun don't the things too seriously children love to laugh.

[rosawitch]

money isn't everything remember that

also there are lots of apprenticeships available now for kids and that's probably a more useful way in to the work place than many degrees anyhow.

mn is also def not representative of the UK

[happy2bhomely]

Happygardening Absolutely!

DH works in a trade, after leaving school at 15 unable to read and write (undiagnosed dyslexia). He had parents who were uninterested in him in general.

He works 60 hours a week, sometimes more. He does 6 days and is never home before 7pm. Mind you, his days of earning minimum wage as a labourer are gone now. He brought home 50 k last year.

We both have parents who don't have a qualification between them. Our eldest son (who was born to us as teenage parents by the way) is in top sets for everything in year 11 and aiming for uni.

I home ed the youngest 3 dc and only have GCSEs myself. I read to them. I study alongside them. We learn together. I talk to them and answer their questions. I encourage them to be curious, kind and brave.

Education is important but resilience is what really makes the difference.

[NeverTwerkNaked]

"Education is important but resilience is what really makes the difference"
Totally agree

[jamdonut]

Also agree about resilience.
So many children aren't.
Anything that seems remotely difficult or hard work or ' boring' makes them give up. The same with friendships ( s/he's being mean/won't play with me/ wont share, etc) or even a slight graze to a knee causes some children to dissolve into quivering wrecks.
Others just shrug and brush these things off, and get on with it or try again.
If at first you don't succeed....etc

[happygardening]

"Anything that seems remotely difficult or hard work or ' boring' makes them give up"
This is such an important life lesson.Every job however glamorous and exciting it might appear on the surface will have some boring aspects to it, you just have to accept it get in with it. This is just life I'm afraid.
I used to know a Polish man who literally joined one pipe to another all day, he said it as as boring as hell, but it paid his bills so ultimately thats all that ,mattered. He decided the only thing that could make it marginally more interesting was to see how many pies he could join together in 8 jours as he said no one want to stand all day doing this job but you might as well do it to the best of your ability.

[happygardening]

pipes not pies!!!

[Thegiantofillinois]

Do what my parents did: drill them with the idea that education is the way out and voice your frustration that you had to leave school at 15 and get shit jobs. I was determined that I would have a better life.

They also both read a lot, so books were everywhere. Saturdays were library days. We also had to be quiet when the news was on and listen to my dad's political commentary. Sounds shit, but made me interested in the wider world.

[Thegiantofillinois]

However, I'm not sure I will encourage mine to go to uni. Financially, I'd have been better offgetting a job after a levels and buying a house, instead of doing uni and not buying a house until 2006. I've seen how much my house was sold for in 2000-we paid double.

[Yayne]

Three things helped me break the cycle and get a very good uni education: other educated adults who gave me advice and support, e.g. Music teachers, sports coaches, teachers at school (being able to ask someone what to write in a personal statement for example), a mum who believed and me and thought it was great I was doing well at school, and as we had very little money, having to earn money every summer from 14 doing incredibly dull jobs.

[KindDogsTail]

Be a loving family. It does not matter how much education is flying around, secure children will be the ones who are best off. Don't let achievement matter more than the fact you love them. Or let achievement matter more than doing other things that help you all mutually within the family.

Don't make them feel tested all the time. Just demonstrate a love of things: it could be cooking and reading cookery books; going to look at an art gallery; collecting plants and looking them up etc

At private schools the big thing is not money but that there is an expectation that it is normal to work hard and care about education. If some friends/contemporaries at a school where they are don't feel the same way, make sure they know it's OK to make these things matter and follow their own way.

Then what other posters said: read, read, read. Read to them for pleasure (if they enjoy it) even when they can read themselves. Go to the library every week to choose new books. Have meals together and talk. Talk about the news, or anything.

Don't allow mobiles/ipads/computers into bedrooms or at meals. Limit television.

When you talk, explain why you think what you do. Parents of children who become educated talk to children as people from when they are born. Invite relatives of different ages and talk to each other - not just have adults talking together in place, children talking together in another.

There are very educated people who are not rich: vicars, teachers, etc so it is not hopeless at all, even if money does make it easier to do nice things.

[smellylittleorange]

i didn't get the right advice at school. My UcAS form would have missed the deadline had my dear form tutor not paid for it herself..my mother was that disinterested. one teacher said once they hoped I would consider English. I took my business studies exam early and ended up.with.a C . The teacher encouraged me not to.go further with it. I hated the course I was on ..media and sociology ..how anyone thought it was a good idea I don't know ! dropped out very early. Determined I will be armed with all.theinfo so my daughter doesn't go.the same way

[happygardening]

"Be a loving family"
This ultimately is the most important thing. I work with children, including some from very wealthy background who have every opportunity going, but become unhappy children which inevitably has a significant effect on their education if there are serious problems at home. Messy divorces with very acrimonious parents fighting all the time, disagreeing for the sake of it, substance abuse, domestic vilolence, poverty, death of a parent, serious ill health all effect children. Some obviously can't be helped but sometimes when I listen to children talking about the way their parents behave the words of the famous Philip Larkin poem cone to mind and I just want to bang their heads together and say look what you're doing to your children?
Also don't have totally unrealistic expectations and show your disappointment when your children don't meet up to your expectations so very obviously. Sadly some children genuinely believe their parents think they're not good enough, this is very traumatic for them, it often has a significant effect on the education and is also very difficult to rectify.

[Iwantawhippet]

Character is what matters to succeed in life and in education. Resilience, patience, determination matter more than IQ. Help your children develop a growth mindset- watch Carol Dweck on TED talks. She has done lots of work on what is behind success and it is about effort and motivation.

[ActuallyThatsSUPREMECommander]

Iwantawhippet, you might want to rethink that in the light of UK educational results by income band. It sounds like a lovely positive thing to say, but its implication is that poor children fail because of a failure of character.