What can non uni educated/low income parents do to bridge the educational gap

[ilikespaghetti]

Read part of the parental income thread & felt quite disheartned, dh & I are non uni educated & would be on quite an average payscale. We want to give dc the best educational prospects we can but all the odds are against us so it seems. How can the likes of us bridge the edcuational gap & ensure our dc can compete with kids from private schools & kids who are from homes where both parents have degrees etc... Bit sad reading the thread to be honest...

[bojorojo]

I think there is up to date research that was quoted in The Times this week that the poorer disadvantaged student is not so well advised about the best universities, the best courses, or the best way to get a job. The other piece of advice I would add is try and ensure your children are confident and have self-belief. Both my children found drama at secondary school gave them a huge boost in self-confidence.

Regarding your confidence, often people do boast but have nothing to boast about half the time. Keep your powder dry and do all the things suggested above and your children will be fine.

In the future, the key to getting a good education is not money, it is accessing good advice (and getting the school results of course). Research shows that poorer students go to a local university whether it is any good or not, do not push themselves to get on the best courses because they think other people are better than them and their teachers and parents are ambivalent about it ("you will do just as well at X university") and they do not apply for internships and relevant work experience. If you can overcome all of this, then success will come to your children. Also, always believe your children will fit in wherever they go. Mine went to boarding schools but DH and I had never been near one! I didn't even go to university. It is not true to say people who didn't go to university do not value it. It just wasn't right for me at 18.

Always remember what my Mum says, "A Cat can look at a Queen". Nothing is out of bounds. Never subscribe to the view, "Not for the likes of us". Everything is for the likes of you.

[LastnightaDJ]

A cat can look at a queen - YES!

And talk about why people persist in believing that Queens are necessary, ams better than anyone else. Challenge the class system, hideous anachronism that it is. Everything is for the likes of everyone. Artificial barriers are nonsense.

[Onceuponatime21]

Definitely don't let yourself get caught into the ranking game - they're middle class, I'm not, therefore I'm different from them (and feeling inferior) because your kids will pick up on, and may feel the same. They need to feel equal, and so you should model that behaviour. Even if it's putting on a total act and you don't feel equal, (for no good reason), don't let them see that.

Make sure your children are able to talk to adults, independently, without you there. Then, when they need advice at school, they will be able to ask for it.

Secondary really, appreciate yours are little!

[Out2pasture]

visit universities and university towns. go for lunch and instill in them the idea that someday they can do their schooling "here".

[LittleKiwi]

So you don't have degrees - my PIL didn't and my DP has degrees from two of the world's best universities and a very successful career. What he had that was worth so much more were two people who loved him, supported him and encouraged him in whatever he took an interest in, whether that was sport or academic stuff. They didn't stress when he struggled at school when he was younger, just enjoyed going to his sporting events. Then when he started to do well in school, too, they got into that and enjoyed helping with science fairs or whatever. When you look through his childhood photo albums there aren't any glamorous overseas trips, or flash schools, but there are loads and loads of photographs of the family playing together in the garden, or camping, or at kids' spots events. When I compare his childhood to those of my vastly more privileged friends, his wins hands down. Richer kids often have parents who spend a lot more time at work and who are a lot more anxious about status and keeping up with the Jones...

Don't, even for a second, consider yourself inferior to ANYONE else. You aren't. Everyone is different, comes from different backgrounds, lives in different circumstances. Teach your children that they are equal to anyone but no-one's superior. Be confident yourself and they will inherit this.

Agree with what everyone else on this thread has said, but particularly no amount of money can compensate for lack of parental involvement.

Good luck!

[sunbird17]

Take them to the library - a lot! Read with them and let them read independently. As they get older, encourage them to read the newspapers and discuss politics/current affairs around the table at meal times. Ask for their opinions.

Another thing, which others might not agree with, is that I was rarely rewarded for getting good marks (apart from a enthusiastic verbal well done). I was always expected to get 'above average' (we were always given the 'average' percentage of the class when getting marks back). If I got a lower than average mark, I wouldn't be in trouble, rather my dad would ask what went wrong and what we could do to make sure I did better next time. This strategy ensured that I worked hard for myself, rather than to please my parents. I had friends that hid bad marks from their parents (not great), and also friends (often the same ones) who parents paid them to get good marks (£x for an A, £x for a B, etc). From what I saw, this wasn't particularly effective long-term.

[junebirthdaygirl]

My dh and l both have degreees. Did library museums foreign travel etc etc. My ds droppped out of two university courses. Went to work in bars. Eventually ended up back at university and is making his way through it now.But on paper we were a dead cert for success at school.. You can only be who you are. Interest is the big thing. Be careful not to overdo things in an effort to compensate and be aware of being too pushy too.

[Whileweareonthesubject]

DH and I didn't go to university. We are not high earners - in fact when dc1 went to university, not only did they get the maximum loan, they were also awarded a large grant from student finance and bursaries from their university. But, as a pp suggested, we had supported our dcs in their education at every step of the journey. No private school, but state schools where teachers constantly gave over and above what they are contracted to give, to ensure the best outcome for their pupils. Parental support is not just what you can buy - it's what you give of yourself.

[dotdotdotmustdash]

I would agree with others, reading is the No1 factor in increasing a child's attainment. I work in a school (TA), mainly in the lower sets and very rarely do these pupils read books, or have ever read books without being forced to by teachers. For them it's a huge struggle to even read a paragraph in a text, never mind write one of their own. They're not stupid, in fact they can be very smart in other areas of their lives.

In the absence of reading books, their vocabulary is poorer, their general knowledge much less and their imaginations are stunted. It's very difficult to see how they can progress without these elements.

[missyB1]

I was talking to a teacher yesterday who works in a school in a deprived area. She said the biggest issue for those kids was their parents attitudes towards education, no books at home, no aspirations to better themselves, no support or encouragement with their school work.
Be involved, be interested and encourage self belief, oh and read read read!

[MrsJayy]

The only advice i would give is be interested in them take them places let them experience things science centres museumslibraries take them walks show them things broaden their interests as much as you can, of course there is going to be more privelaged than yours but that is just life really. My own Dc are adults and did ok for themselves

[bigkidsdidit]

A lot of the gap in university attendance comes down to children not being advised properly about GCSEs, a level options, and university choice. For example, there is a ranking where some a level options are not seen as serious; and I think there is evidence that children from disadvantaged backgrounds tend to apply for the hardest courses at Oxford, whereas other children in private schools may be told 'oh, this college / course has a lower application rate, apply there instead and you'll be more likely to get in'.

So my advice would be, when your children are older, ask as many people as possible about this sort of thing! Go to lots of open days and university summer schools. Email admissions tutors. Ask on mumsnet and other places where there is a great deal of expertise.

Learning the secret tricks helps an awful lot!

[MrsJayy]

My Dc went to ordinary state schools if you show interest in your kids education they will get a lot out of school teachers ime engage really well with parents who are supportive of their kids.

[C0untDucku1a]

What you need to have is high expectations of behaviour, effort and achievement at school. Parents who just dont care, dont value their child's education, dont see the point of subjects or qualifications, tell them they can get a job labouring with uncle Kev when they leave, think their child's appalling behaviour is everyone else's problem, have no structure or expectations at home, do the most harm.

[MrsSherlock]

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[C0untDucku1a]

june that's interesting. My husband comes from a middle class educated family, both parents being uni lecturers. He went to a private selective school but was left to it. They did a lot of 'middle class' activities and travel, rather than holidays. He has dropped out of three THREE degrees. I always felt the private school was so they could take less interest at home and just let him get on with it. It didnt work because he is lazy He needed a shove from home.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

Neither of my parents have degrees and we grew up on benefits. I graduated with a 1st class degree in 2015. The most important thing is to be interested in education. Show how important you think it is; not through pressure but through genuine enthusiasm. Read with them as much as possible, ask what they've done at school, discuss the topics they're covering, take them to museums and galleries - especially if they're relating to the topics they're covering in school.

Buy newspapers and talk about what's happening in the world; encourage an interest in world news and politics. I think a library membership is one of the most important things you can give your child; we signed DD up at six weeks old just as my parents did for me.

I think just the fact that you've posted on here shows that you're passionate about their education, and that in itself will be a massive boost to their own aspirations :)

[NeverTwerkNaked]

Some really excellent advice on here, loads of it!!
It pretty much reflects all that my parents did for me and my siblings. There was never any huge pressure, just a general message that learning was a good thing, that university was an attainable ambition (if we worked) and huge piles of books everywhere. Plus family mealtimes with lots of conversation!

[Peanutbuttercheese]

DH and I have 45 years experience working in higher education between us and have both admitted students to UG and PG courses.

Some potential students just don't get the right advice.

For instance GCSE engineering is really not going to help anyone get a place on an engineering course at a decent University. We didn't accept critical thinking as an A level in my department.

My top tip is visit a campus on a non open day because that's what it's really like. It's preferable if potential students ask the questions and not their parents.

All I saw was a huge rise in potential students being babied by their parents. The parents asking the questions and the potential students taking a back seat. Some of the parental interest is driven by the introduction of student fees obviously.

Confidence is everything. One of my favourite students was one who hadn't bothered to attend the open day. She told me she had read everything and had decided to just rock up on day one. Instill confidence in them, it's the greatest gift.

[Bach2Bach]

I feel for you OP! Our primary had a fair number of parents who wouldn't miss an opportunity to show off. On a positive note, I'm sure in time you'll meet some like minded parents where you can have an open chat that doesn't turn into a boast fest. And you don't sound inferior at all btw.

[megletthesecond]

Good thread ilike .

I think I've covered most bases but the foreign travel part is tricky, lp / no permission from xp / allergies. I'd love to take them to Paris for the day or Rome for the weekend. Maybe when they're teens.

[florabest]

I read reports on education and children from deprived backgrounds by the Sutton Trust when I was pregnant with my first as a single mum, and it made me determined to make sure my dc wouldn't be disadvantaged despite the fact that I only had a few GCSEs. When dd was a year old I went back to college to do an Access course, which led to an OU degree in enginnering and a Master's at a Russell Group university. I think being a student was a great role model for her and it helped me understand the process of learning at a much deeper level. It also gave me direct experience of the university applications process so I could support my dc's through that with personal knowledge.

It's well established that the mother's educational level is the best predictor of a child's educational success as well as health - so it's well worth looking at options for developing your own education, as it will have a direct impact on how you can support your dc's education.

[jamdonut]

Neither me or DH have been to university. DH left school at 16 to work in a factory and I did sixth form and 2 A levels ( you were allowed to do this in my day!) with no clue as to what to do when I left. I did various clerical jobs, had a mini career in the NHS as a clerical Officer and now I'm a teaching assistant and DH works for a well known Supermarket, so we are not affluent.
However, we always read and went interesting places with our kids when they were young ( though we've never been abroad with them), and indulged their interests as much as we could. Their schools have been in special measures, but improved greatly, and they have had a good education. My older 2 are at university, on full loans ,grants plus bursaries. My youngest is in sixth form and is expected to be able to make Cambridge or some other 'good' university.
Don't fret about it!
We live in East Yorkshire, in an ex council house, in an officially 'deprived' area. However our children have been brought up to have high aspirations, and are likely to do well in the future.
What you instill in your children is far more important than the 'right' school ( though a good school is useful).
The other thing is, once they reach GCSE level, don't make decisions for them, guide by all means, but let them make their own choices of what they want to do, because this will be their life, not yours. I realised that pretty quickly. My ambitions are not theirs, and they shouldn't feel the need to please me.

[scaryclown]

Get them to apply to top universities.

The single, arguably the only, biggest thing public schools do to gain the statistical advantages of numbers in the top universities is to get their pupils to apply.

You'll be told all sorts of market-protecting bullshit like better resources, instilled confidence, better genes, unicorns at break etc. Ignore them, and apply.

[iseenodust]

Read books to your DC, read more books with your DC, chat about the books, listen to audio books. Do not give up reading to them until at least the end of primary. A love of reading can more than compensate for financial/social disadvantage when it comes to academic achievement and life chances.