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Secondary education

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Original poster

Would you/have you started going to church to get child into a good church school?!

668 replies

Bomper · 05/03/2007 16:06

My ds should pass his 11+, but I am not 100% confident he will. The comprehensive schools in my area are pretty awful, except one, which is a C of E school. Lots of parents have now started to go to church in order to be able to apply, and I am being urged to do the same. Most of me thinks - 'this is my childs future, I will do whatever it takes', but a small part feels guilty. WWYD?

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 05/03/2007 16:07

If I had to I would.

thunk · 05/03/2007 16:09

watch this thing kick off.

satine · 05/03/2007 16:10

I'd go. In fact I do go to church, even though I'm an atheist because a) we live in a small village and I feel that the church is a strong part of the community, b) I want my kids to grow up to make their own decision, and this way they will have seen what it's all about and c) I am hedging my bets, schoolwise, as the best state secondary round here is a C of E one with fierce competition for places.

doggiesayswoof · 05/03/2007 16:16

no, no, a thousand times no. I wouldn't.
However, I have to say it would not bother me if someone else who was not a true believer did this.

Original poster
Bomper · 05/03/2007 16:21

The thing is I have been a kind of on/off church goer for years. I always get put off when I have been going regularly and I start getting pressure to get confirmed, etc, etc. I prefer to worship in my own quite way. So I don't feel I am quite as bad as those who have never stepped foot in a church before.

OP posts:
MummyPenguin · 05/03/2007 17:01

My three are at a Catholic primary, and I know a lot of parents who are lapsed Catholics who are suddenly in church every week when the schools admissions rolls round. They're upping their attendance to either get their little one's into the primary, or the older ones into the Secondary.

Myself and my family go regularly, and always have done. (DH and I are both Catholic and went to Catholic schools ourselves.) I have to admit, we do make sure that it's even more regularly at these times, but we don't want to miss out. I've always taken the kids to church, as their school has strong connections with the Catholic faith, and I feel that it's not worth them being in that environment if they're not taken to church too, so that they understand a lot of what they hear at school.

Our Parish Priest has been in office for about 2 years now, and he's very strict on the policy of attending church regularly. He seems to be screening the parents and sifting out the ones that he knows to be attending for school admissions purposes. Last week, with places being allocated at the Catholic secondary, quite a few children have scraped in, and one that I know of has been refused admission and now faces going to her catchment comp which is a bad school.
This is because of poor attendance.

I personally don't like it when people go to church just to get their kids in to school, but at the end of the day, parents will do what they have to do to ensure good school places.

fruittea · 05/03/2007 17:03

I wouldn't, and didn't, but people do. And join the PTA, and become governors, etc etc, to get their "points" up.

booge · 05/03/2007 17:04

No!

VioletBaudelaire · 05/03/2007 17:04

No.
I'd be embarrassed attending church, knowing that all the others knew I was only there to get my child into a certain school.

imaginaryfriend · 05/03/2007 17:08

I know tons of mums who have. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school but I'm not a church-goer and I don't think I could be cynical enough to go every week if I didn't feel it was the right thing for me and my dd rather than to ensure a school place.

DominiConnor · 05/03/2007 17:14

I can put up with a lot more than a bit of embarrassment for the good of my kids. I have ethical views on some things, but they are my views, and I'm not so self centred that I expect my kids to suffer because of a stand I wish to take.

But it must be very common.
More people have lesbian sex in any given week than go to a Christian church. Yet about 25% of kids go to schools which discriminate on the basis of religion.

filthymindedvixen · 05/03/2007 17:21

oh Bomper, no advice because - so far - I haven't gone down that road, feeling that I would hate to be such a hypocrite, but that niggling 'this is my child's future thingy' you described is , for me, terribly hard to ignore. My friends urge me to come with them to church because''You'd be sure to get your child in to XX School then, with all the charity work you do as well...''

But then, I'd worry that people thought I'd only been doing the charity stuff to this end...and I haven't. I've done it for 6 years and my son is only just 9. And I hate buying into this whole kids getting judged on parental 'performance' stuff anyway.

Mercy · 05/03/2007 17:29

No, basically. But I do understand your dilemma, especially in view of your second post.

And as for the lesbian sex; where on earth did you get that 'fact' from DC?!

amidaiwish · 05/03/2007 18:19

if you are a bit of a church goer anyway, but will make more effort to get your kids in, then i think you are with 80% of families in that church.

imo it's wrong to suddenly believe to get your kids into school, but to make more of an effort coming up to school entry time is normal behaviour...

and do be sure that you want to continue going to church, first holy communion prep etc... the church and school is quite linked, it's not over the day you get the priest to sign the form!

FluffyMummy123 · 05/03/2007 18:25

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 05/03/2007 18:26

Message withdrawn

VioletBaudelaire · 05/03/2007 18:27

re "I can put up with a lot more than a bit of embarrassment for the good of my kids. I have ethical views on some things, but they are my views, and I'm not so self centred that I expect my kids to suffer because of a stand I wish to take".

I strongly disagree that those who won't consider 'playing at religion', and who don't insist that their children take part in the same pretence are self centred.

motherinferior · 05/03/2007 18:32

Also is that statistic over the whole population or just the female bit of it? Men can't have lesbian sex. Or not last time I looked. Although I do know a couple of male-to-female transgendered lesbians.

DominiConnor · 05/03/2007 18:34

Mercy, church attendance is so low that all sorts of minority occupations outsize it.

Church attendance is around 6.3 % according to the BBC who actually have the job of encouraging it.
Less unpopular
Accurate figures for lesbians are a bit harder to find, but seem to vary between 5 and 10%.

Even allowing for the fact that some people's Christianity does not include church attendance, there are far more people at discriminating schools than who ever observe their rituals.

DC1 is at a CoE school. As it happens, the chaplain knows my religious views, one discussion some years ago left me with a scar...
But I wonder what happens with parents who've lied ? If like most people, you simply don't care very much, there's no issue I suppose.
But if like us you regard religious people as mentally ill, how do you cope with the fact that your kids come home spouting all sorts of hysterical superstition and beginning to suspect you are evil ?

motherinferior · 05/03/2007 18:35

If you think all those lesbians are having sex every week...

motherinferior · 05/03/2007 18:37

And no I wouldn't go to church for any reason, including education. I have the greatest respect for a number of friends who do hold religious beliefs but I personally don't.

lionheart · 05/03/2007 18:46

Is that women having lesbian sex, or really people?

motherinferior · 05/03/2007 18:48

I still think that if five to 10 per cent of women (including transgendered ones) identify as lesbian - and I don't even want to think of blokes who identify as lesbian - they're highly unlikely all to be sexually active in any given week.

Unless all my lesbian friends are extremely uncharacteristic, of course.

Greensleeves · 05/03/2007 18:50

No. I find it an odd idea. If I haven't "got religion" to the point of wanting to set foot in a church myself, then why on earth would I want my kids' heads to be filled with it every day?

lionheart · 05/03/2007 18:54

"mentally ill" DC? In what respect?

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