Do you use one salary to pay for private school?

[TurkeyDinosaurs]

We're not on a high combined income £65k, but we really want to send our 2 dc private in secondary school. I was wondering how common it is for a family to use almost all of one person's income to do this. For example, one income is £30, other is £35 and 2 dc at private would be £24k pa. It would mean we'd be living on a household income of £41k obviously. Does anyone do this and does seem like a crazy sacrifice? Can you afford any sort of holidays or days out on this? I went to private so I want to give my children the same ideally.

Well why not try living on one salary for a bit and see how it goes? you can spend the other salary squirrelling away savings/overpaying your mortgage?

I expect decent state + tuition + extra curricular activities + interesting holidays would be a better option though. It's pretty crappy scraping by indefinitely.

I completely agree with nocampinghere.

We are going through this at the moment - waiting for results of private school exam results for DD - but the big revelation for us was how well our local state school stacks up v the private schools in our area. So much so it is my DD and my first choice.

And that's not just about money. We can afford it comfortably - I am not just convinced she would be better off at the private school. Many state schools get great results and offer decent extra curricular activities, including great trips abroad. I wouldn't pay £11k a year if the deciding factor was school trips, especially on your income level.

We scrape by at the moment. Well, I say scrape by but that's a bit of an insult to people on genuinely low incomes. But we're in an expensive place with high living costs.

Reality is lying awake worrying about an unexpected bill. Our car has just developed a fault and I'm dreading the bill. I'm wrapped in a blanket right now to avoid using the heating. We almost never eat out, or even get a takeaway but we can afford decent food and are good cooks. We bought our children's Christmas presents with gifted Amazon vouchers and from charity shops. We do go on holiday as it keeps us sane, but borrow to do it. We barely save. My kids do some extra-curricular but the cost scares me. We both work full time and can't afford a cleaner, so the weekend is spent cleaning and then shopping in three different shops to make sure we get things as cheaply as possible. Kids' clothes are supermarket/gifts.

So nothing that bad, and we're OK, but it's a constant worry.

That isn't because of private school fees by the way! Just wanted to illustrate the scraping-by lifestyle. State schools for us.

^ PP covered most things, so i just want to add some i have not yet seen covered above:

Being the 'poor girl' whose parents cannot afford school trips and designer clothes, never mind the foreign holidays that others take for granted is no fun.

Knowing that your parents are making such a sacrifice for your education can put a horrible stress on the child, who feels that they need to live up to it, and not necessarily do just what they want to do for life.

When I finished my degree and was struggling to find somewhere to live, I worked out how much my parents had spent on my educations and seriously, desperately wished they had bought me a flat, or paid for a deposit instead.

The exception might be someone who really isn't very bright, who would have no chance of qualifications and a good life, without the boost private education can provide, anyone else, go for the extras and the holidays, oh and the deposit for a flat.

Have a look at the rate school fees have been rising in England.

Be aware of doing something that you would like, being a part of the mothers with children at that school, rather than what is best for the children.

I never really felt bothered about being poorer than the other pupils (my best mate was on an assisted place - there was no secret about that) - but this resonated with me :

Knowing that your parents are making such a sacrifice for your education can put a horrible stress on the child, who feels that they need to live up to it, and not necessarily do just what they want to do for life.
It's only since I've had kids that I've made my peace with that. They made their choice based on what they knew at the time. And if they had educated my brother privately (he begged for it!) and not me, I may have felt resentful, I cant know for sure.

It's the living on the edge, for years on end that does it for me. I've been there. I also have some friends who on paper could afford it, they thought they could cut back and put two kids through, although they were on over 100k, similar size fees, smaller mortgage. The reality is cutting back is really hard and they ended up up to their eye balls in debt.

I'd agree with the poster who said try it first. From this month take away two grand a month school fees from your monthly spend and see how it works, then factor in annual and additional costs then decide.

My child was privately educated, I only have one, and at this level of income I would not have considered it, the benefits are not enough v the daily struggle, and when she was little it was difficult at times, we may have earned double the ops income, but our mortgage was double and it was still a struggle and we argued over money for the first and only time in our lives.

We also needed to pay for childcare in holidays and not just the cost of living, but the cost of working, from clothes to lunch to transport, and when the big unexpected bills came in, it became stressful. We also wanted to do things like go out with our friends, buy clothes, go on days out, have a take away, have a holiday, but we found we simply couldn't , we had no money and that is fine when an end is in sight but for up to a decade of living like that, no, I don't think the benefits are worth the negative effect on the family.

Give it a shot and see how it goes before deciding,

I think the stress will be much higher than you think. So start now. Put the fees away in savings and see how it feels. If you do it for years in the run up to secondary then you'll have a cushion of savings to rely on.

If you find it impossible you'll know before your committed.

We are in The North so school fees aren't too bad plus DD has a 25% scholarship
My freelance work easily pays for it but if it didn't it wouid be ok anyway
There are a lot of much richer families than us at the school I'm sure ( although being in Yorkshire being flash isn't too popular) but it's never been an issue. According to DD anyone trying to Bragg about how much money they have gets slapped down pretty quick by the rest of the kids

We have a combined gross income of about £200k. Our mortgage is around £1500 a month. I'm not convinced we can afford it (although we have 4 children). We have gone (excellent) state for primary. Work your sums through carefully. Do either of you have promotion prospects? Any other income opportunities? Inheritance on the horizon?

That said, my parents sent me to a very good private school on a very average income and without doubt it has opened doors for me.
Housing costs are ridiculous these days though.

We've done it for 2DC's concurrently for last 5 years...currently 18k annual fees paid from joint net income of 43k. Have 1k/mth mortgage, run 2 old cars, visit family for holidays, home and abroad. Another 5yrs to go! We think it's worth it and life is mostly good, but no monetary cushion can be tough.

I'm not quite sure why private automatically means better? I was privately educated in a good day school as were my siblings and you pay for smaller class sizes and parents (and most children, not all) being invested in their child's education.

But, teaching was not always great. In some subjects I felt there was a lack of ability to teach to lower ability students (I.e science for those who did not intend to do medicine/ dentistry at university) and I had private tuition for languages in addition to school fees! (GCSE level).

School trips were good, skiing, choir trips to Europe, day trips to Ypres etc. but nothing a parent couldn't replicate or outside interests couldn't assist with.

Yes, I have good grades, a good degree, a professional qualification. I expect a dedicated student (which I was) could have attained these at the local comp. friends certainly did!

You could definitely tell the kids whose parents scraped by. I was friends with some, didn't bother me but it may well have bothered the kids.

Our joint income does not extend to private (unless I go back to my profession which I didn't enjoy!) so I don't have that dilemma. We have done it the other way, moved to an area with good (some very good) state schools. Would that not be a better option?

I agree that in your budgeting, you must allow for money for emergency/expenditure which will be necessary. Your car will need work or replacing. Your boiler won't last forever. It is so important to have savings set by or sufficient income to cover those things...because they are unavoidable.
You say it is a while off, so yes yes to the posters who have suggested you try living on what would be left after the fees, plus remembering to put aside for things like those emergencies. And remember the fee increases above inflation and jumps which often come in Year 3.....must factor those in and not just look at cost of a reception place which maybe low to lure people in.
Would you sacrifice pension contributions and go into debt to do this? Seriously, jus because you were privately educated and grammar educated doesn't mean it is the only option for you, or because you want it, it is possible or desirable. Part of your research about if this is viable also includes looking into the state options.....you might be surprised and your preconceptions proved wrong.
At the end of the day it is al about gains vs costs. To sacrifice to the level that you are talking about, the gains need to be bloody massive, to the alternative......far more than for the wealthier person for whom the real cost in terms of sacrifice is so much lower. So it is vital to know about the alternatives, so you can judge the true gain against the cost to your family.

I just don't think you have done your sums as others have said. I would not even embark on a private school journey with out a cushion of 1 year of fees in case of redundancy etc.

I have not found the material extras or uniform to be that excessive personally, but do forward plan for compound fee increases each year. That's the killer. I allow 4%pa - check out your local schools and see how they have increased.

'Because you did' is such a basic reason to do all this. Have you looked at the state schools near you?

I went to a selective private school, my dc to a state comprehensive. The education there is better than the one I received, and Dc results higher than mine.

My brother went to grammar, my sister to a comp. As adults we all have the same degree qualifications.

New car, new boiler, fees rising every year, the stress will be immense. And the sacrifices won't just be during the school years because your savings / pension will suffer.

It can be a useful way to think about it, because if you have friends with the same number of kids and just one salary, which is very similar to the one you'd be living on while you spent the other on school fees, then you can get an idea of whether it's doable and what kind of lifestyle it supports. Only if you know them well enough to check they don't have a private income as well, though, and if there are costs of working, eg transport costs, holiday childcare, don't forget to allow for them.

It's good that you have a few years to go. Start now spending only what you'll have available to spend if you do this, see how it feels, save the rest. Always fun to see what MNers think other people can't live on :-)

For goodness' sake don't decide to do private school simply because you were privately educated though - look at the schools!

Of course its possible to live on circa £1300 a month but it would involve careful budgeting for a family of four. Its entirely dependent on things like how high your council tax, fuel costs and travelling costs are and those figures were without any pension contribution (if you took out a five percent pension contribution you are taking it down to about £1,000 a month) and I would seriously question the logic of sacrificing an income during retirement for the sake of private schooling for your children. You would have very little buffer if anything went wrong and holidays etc would be hard to manage.

I also think you have to consider the fact that most children at private school will do lots of extras too like music lessons and extra sporting activities.

I really don't think you can afford it on such salaries. I'm sorry. But I do think the idea of trying now to live on £1300 a month (keeping in mind your children will be older and they become more expensive as they get older in terms of clothing and the amount of food they eat), is a good one since if your house is very small and your running costs are low then you never know.

As others have said, OP you have not mentioned at all what the state school options are like (although I appreciate your question was not private vs. state but can we afford private). Do you really think you are so much better off because you were privately educated? I really don't mean to cause offence by this, and I don't have any idea what stage of career you are at and how your earnings might rise in the future, but you're not exactly earning the big bucks.

we work in school and our disposable income is much lower than most people here, so there is simply no way we can afford private school education. our solution is to teach at international school abroad in future so that our children can get free places. we hope our dream will come true soon...

Op we aren't in that different a position to you financially and have had our DC at both state and private for primary as moved areas but definitely want would t continue private for secondary unless the state options were dire (and I'd done serious maths as haven't); I know a family who said fees for their dc started as £4K a term only to turn into 13k by sixth form once all their extras were added on. I'm not sure I've remembered that right it sounds so alarming an increase !

We've made compromises to afford private schooling for our three kids. For one of those kids the private offering was not good enough and we placed them in state school after three years. There was bullying in the private school that was not dealt with effectively. We have bullying in the state school too and the staff seem more on top of it.

If we had our time again we're not sure we would go private for our children. My eldest has elected to leave her well-regarded private school to attend a local sixth form college for year 12 (and we support her in that decision) even though money is not an issue. Even if the private place was free for year 12 she and we would still rather the local sixth form college.

All that said, every school is different. I could certainly understand someone using a large proportion of their income to pay for schooling if considered necessary.

I was talking to a checkout operator in Tesco the other day. She commented that she worked full time at Tesco and it covered substantially all of the private school fees for one child. She saw it as "trading her time for school time". It was an interesting perspective.

We're in a similar situation to yours. Our income is a little higher (but still sub £100k gross joint) and our school fees higher (c.£32k pa for both).

We thought long and hard before taking the plunge. It has, without a doubt, had a negative impact on some areas of our life (less meals out, less (no!) frivolous spending, simpler cheaper holidays etc), but for us the benefits of seeing our children flourish in their school has been worth every sacrifice.

For us though, we have been planning for this for years, and have saved hard and put ourselves in a really good position. We have a fully paid off mortgage, a large sum of cash in savings and a BLT property with significant equity. I'm not sure I'd cut our finances as tight as we do if we didn't have that to fall back on to be honest. I'd recommend that you save at least a couple of years worth of fees to have in reserve if you can.

At our school, there's really no stigma to being the "poorer" child. In fact there was more pressure to have the "right" (read expensive!) trainers/clothes/phones etc in the state school than there is at the private. Also school trips are no more expensive than those offered at state schools. The parents, staff and children are all very down to earth. But we very carefully chose the school that we felt was the right fit for us in all aspects including academic, social, ethos etc.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

mrsm I agree with that - having gone to a private school myself I really don't recall any pressure to keep up - girls came from very ordinary as well as very privileged backgrounds - often the former.
My DS1 and 2 are at prep and tbh it's more down to earth than our local state primary which is full of quite pretentious parents.
If you can save up I would.
We have a combined income over £100k (not by much) and we find it a struggle.

I agree with a PP that probably the biggest factor will be the steady annual increase in fees. They usually rise by 4% a year, so if it is an 11-18 school, then you will be paying £16k for each DC by the time they leave. In addition, sometimes fees go up as the children pass various markers. E.g. They might go up when they start their GCSE studies, and again when they start A levels., so it could be even more than that.

You need to be sure that your fee provision plans can keep in line with this increase.

Our only DD is 12 years old and has been in a private school (Yorkshire) for the past three years. Our income is similiar to Turkeydinosaurs. Each month, we budget around 1.3K towards the tuition fees and one on one music lessons at school. We have no mortgage, run a small car, and take small, non-expensive holidays to some European cities twice a year. No frequent eating-out ( probably once a month max.). DD flourishes and enjoys her school life. We have not come across any pressure on having nice clothes or good shoes. It wouldn't surprise me if we are the 'poorest' family in her year group as we often hear so and so jet off to some exotic holidays, or get a glimps of their lifesyles when sending our DD to her friends houses for sleepover or birthday parties. (i.e. multiple sports cars in the driveway or once....a helicopter). Different wealth levels don't seem to have any impact on her friendships or school experience and we shall see if it's still the case when they become proper teenagers. So far, it has been managable however we are aware of the annual increase in tuition fees by around 5%. I wouldn't say i feel 'tight' but it's probably down to what you are used to and consider a 'comfortable' lifestyle as everyone is different. Also, we only have one child...not two!