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Secondary education

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Original poster

Have year 7's always been this over-dramatic?!

29 replies

Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 20:42

I went to a private girls school so maybe I don't understand the realities of comps but DD's experience so far of year 7 has surprised me. Constant people asking each other out, having massive fall outs and not talking for weeks, lots of teasing and nasty behaviour. They have only known each other for a few weeks! I expected this when they were teens but not that she would be thrown straight in the deep end.

Feeling a bit concerned as she is getting very over whelmed by the whole thing and I don't know if or when to intervene or just hope it all settles down. She is a sweet and fairly quiet girl and is finding it hard to keep friends at this stage - her new best friend has just dumped her and unfollowed her on instagram and she has no idea why but gets shouted at if she tries to ask.

Anyone else found year 7 to be like this or have we chosen a school full of drama queens?

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Clickclickclick · 03/11/2016 20:47

Finding the same thing here. Ds is in year 7 and when he was in primary school, most of his friends were girls. Now, the girls (different ones) all mean and bitchy to him. There is always some drama as well. He is finding it quite difficult I think. Apparently the boys in his class are fine.

Original poster
Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 20:59

DD is finding the girls to be drama queens but some of the boys have been really nasty too.

Maybe it's the hormones.

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FantasyAndHope · 03/11/2016 21:04

Just a heads up it doesn't get easier DD is In sixth form and it's only just settled down, but on DDs lunch table there is year7's going through dramas over Kylie lipkits and makeup.. I think it's partly down to social media why girls are bitchier because it wasn't like this when I was at school

DanicaJones · 03/11/2016 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicknameUsed · 03/11/2016 21:10

It has absolutely nothing to do with whether the school is private or state. IMO social media has a lot to answer for.

DD had friendship issues in year 7 and in year 10. Girls can be utter bitches regardless of how wealthy their parents are.

Original poster
Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 21:32

Hmm DD has instagram but rarely uses it and doesn't have FB. All of this is happening within school really so not sure how much social media has to do with it.

Sorry I wasn't really comparing state or private - I should have just said I went to an all girls school. 80% of the difficulties DD has had are due to the boys not the girls. They seem to keep stirring things up between the girls.

Glad to know it doesn't get better though :(

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Original poster
Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 21:34

Thing is danica the girls all seemed so nice and kind but suddenly one of the boys started turning nasty and turning DDs best friend against her.

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DanicaJones · 03/11/2016 21:39

Could you have a word with her form tutor if she is feeling overwhelmed? They may have some suggestions. Could she go to the library if feeling overwhelmed? Might even meet other kids there. Dd's nice pals all go to orchestra if that is a possibility. Other clubs? To be away from the drama llamas and maybe meet new ones.

FranHastings · 03/11/2016 21:40

DD is experiencing the same. I blame some of the tosh on television (bloody hell, how old do I sound?!). Watch any American drama on Disney or something like The Next Step on CBBC and the relationships portrayed are all high drama, nasty shouting, game playing and falling out over nothing. They see it and think that is how to behave.

DanicaJones · 03/11/2016 21:41

Meet new friends not new drama llamas i mean. Grin

Sunnydawn · 03/11/2016 21:44

DS watched from afar last year (he is amazingly aloof Hmm).

Year 8, and it actually seems to have calmed down a bit. The groups of children who are particularly dramatic are still going through the motions, but the rest are just getting on with school and stuff.

A lot of it was social media based.

Original poster
Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 21:50

Yeah I suppose it could be social media based that DD isn't seeing. Yeah that's a good point fran - saved by the bell was far less angst-ridden Grin.

I'm trying to encourage her to join some clubs so she can meet more people. She does have some friends still luckily. But this one was the friend she really clicked with. Such a shame.

The joy of having kids eh?

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DanicaJones · 03/11/2016 22:02

The girl doesn't sound nice if she shouts at her and unfollows her etc. I hope she meets nicer people and the class settles down. I went to a girls' grammar and i remember at the beginning of year 7 (called 1st year then) the whole class sort of ganging up to make fun of a girl. We'd all come from different schools and it was like some horrible group bonding against a common victim thing. Sad The girl left and things settled down but i remember another girl being ganged up on in year 9. I had a girl be quite nasty to me in the sixth form in the same school. So i guess meaness has always gone on in different types of schools.

JustSpeakSense · 03/11/2016 22:04

My experience has been similar.

There is a lot of 'asking each other out' it seems as if the boys are in charge, they like to 'reject' the girls or go out with them and then break up in front of their mates to humiliate her. They go out with one girl and then her best friend the very next day splitting friendships.

I can't understand why these girls allow themselves to be used like this it's really depressing.

My DD has shown me the type of selfies the girls post on instagram and snapchat. Provocative 'mirror selfies' in their underwear, pouty selfies wearing make-up and using filters. With hundreds of people liking them and commenting, they 'tag' boys in the photo to get their attention and then get comments. Girls with the most comments and likes are hated by other girls, bickering also starts amongst the girls when someone's boyfriend comments on another girls photos. Again causing trouble between friends.

My DD is pretty and clever and kind, quite shy. She doesn't post selfies or chase after boys, although has silent crushes from
Time to time. She feels as if there is something wrong with her as she is overlooked by the boys who find her boring.

We have had some very long talks where I have tried to show her that not all boys are like this, there are quieter more sensitive boys out there who don't try to bring the girls down, and with age they will mature (as will she) and she will find herself a real boyfriend when she is old enough and ready.

She feels very low at times, there is a lot of low key 'negging' going on, it really depresses me and I feel like I am constantly lifting her up after a day at school of not feeling good enough.

I wish these girls would stick together, stop competing and lift each other up instead of letting silly boys attention make them turn on each other.

JustSpeakSense · 03/11/2016 22:05

God that was long....

DanicaJones · 03/11/2016 22:10

Going to ask for my first post to be removed as although it doesn't look identifying, it might be to people who've heard me say the same in real life

Sunnydawn · 03/11/2016 22:17

just speak that sounds awful. It's not like that in DS's school. I chat regularly with one of the girls who is an old friend, and is much one of the In Crowd - she's had a lost of attention from the boys early on, but has just laughed it all off, with a toss of her hair. GrinGirls very much in charge, and no way would they be showing their underwear. They're still into (rather cool Japanese) cartoons.

JustSpeakSense · 03/11/2016 22:25

It's a very small group of girls behaving like this, and they get a lot of attention. I'm trying to get my DD to understand they may seem confident, but their need for male attention is probably because they don't feel so great about themselves. Of course these girls always have a new boyfriend, and many other girls aspire to this.

Original poster
Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 22:26

Sorry justspeak that sounds terrible :(

DD had a problem for a couple of weeks with a boy who kept asking her out and the whole class seemed to get involved egging him on or laughing at him. She found it very difficult as she didn't want to hurt anyones feelings but he was constantly hassling her. I mean they are only 11 or 12 for gods sake. DD has no interest in dating or anything like that - she is just a child and these kids acting like mini teens is a bit confusing I think.

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FantasyAndHope · 03/11/2016 22:29

Girls think it's funny I think and yeah nothing to do with state or private sorry to hear of that justspeak
But if that's shocking DD is (18) and is at the end of abuse from a 28 year old woman and many other women in a Facebook group ranging from 22-40+ sending her a lot of abuse ranging from racial to emotional and threatening behaviour and referring to DD as harvey price Katie prices son. DD is obviously very distressed but just shows how bitchy some girls are Angry

MooPointCowsOpinion · 03/11/2016 22:33

My tutor group are year 7 and I deal with this every day. It's so sad, they're still so young and the language they hear and repeat is awful, the way they try to tear each other down is terrible too.

I wonder how much being packed into groups of the same age range, in one homogenous group, causes these issues. They're so desperate to fit in and stand out at the same time.

JustSpeakSense · 03/11/2016 22:43

I think I'm year 7 they feel overwhelmed arriving in secondary school desperate to fit in and be popular, some of them lose their common sense. They are only children though, playing at being grown ups.

Original poster
Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 23:07

Yes you're probably right justspeak.

Sort of glad to hear that moopoint. I was starting to get worried about the school itself. It does have a very good reputation and we moved here partly because of the school so it would be a great shame if she ends up hating it.

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PettsWoodParadise · 04/11/2016 08:44

I had a lot of fears about Y7 (all girls grammar) but the school gives the girls a class at the start about supporting each other, encouraging each other and that it is alright to be different as long as you are kind and considerate of others. It could have fallen on deaf ears but it seems to have really worked. The girls have friendships but some are fairly fluid. No bitchyness. Some are sporty and some are not and they all seem to respect each other for not being the same. It may of course all change further up the school but OP and Justspeak perhaps, if they haven't already, the school could deliver a lesson in PSHE like my DD benefited from??? Reading some of these posts I am shocked at how manipulative some of the boys are being, maybe they don't have lovely mumsnetters parents giving them guidance on how to respect and support each other.

nocampinghere · 04/11/2016 09:47

First term of year 7 was a bit like this
lots of drama
who likes who
girls trying to find their "group"

it settles down quickly. this half term probably the peak!

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