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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

DC attacked at school, again

127 replies

Jessia0 · 19/10/2016 21:33

In school today, right in front of teacher my DD was physically assaulted. I am talking full on closed fist pounding to the face. My DC was knocked to the ground injured ... Facts not in dispute, it was right in front of teacher but she was to afraid to intervene in case she got hit.

One day exclusion, he is probably quite happy with that. But this is the second physical assault in a year from same boy and after half term he will be back in class. I asked for boy to be moved to a different class last time and he wasn't, now it's GCSE year so they are not keen to move him.

My DC was really affected first time (there was a few attacks from other kids as well) but this time she is ok about it, just seems to accept this is what bigger kids do to smaller kids and there is nothing school can do.

Any advice?

OP posts:

ManicMechanic · 20/10/2016 20:07

Hooray for Ofsted! What sort of support will they be offering the next victims?

Original poster

Jessia0 · 20/10/2016 20:15

let me just read replies and I will update

OP posts:

DragonitesRule · 20/10/2016 20:17

Am hoping your update will be positive and you stepped up for your daughter and called the police and went into school with your tiger momma face on.

BishopBrennansArse · 20/10/2016 20:29

Yes, I would hope that action would mean the school stop failing kids with sn and therefore hurting others.

Original poster

Jessia0 · 20/10/2016 20:47

To much to reply to so will just update ...

I am not the most intelligent responder but do realise this is important so really trying to get to grips with everything so I can have maximum impact with how I do react.

Since yesterday found out the aggressor was an in year transfer because he had a problem controlling his temper at previous school. That says it all.

Grrrr its hard to think about, MN is easier when its not about your own DC.

I went into school and had a long wait before I got to speak with a SLT, issue taken very seriously etc etc. So I go into detail (armed with info from MN, thanks) turns out he has no understanding of the history, gives me a, everything is ok story but as soon as I mention police says well I dont really know so better pass you on to HT.

Waiting call from HT. Pick up DC from school and its worse than yesterday because seems punishment was seen as irrelevant and aggressor was hailed as a hero from beating up my DC, who was bullied all day about it. Anyone know about how easy it is to be 'accidentally' assaulted in PE? Been in bedroom since, not eating and feeling sick, whilst keeping up a front of Im ok, but I dont know what to think.

To add, punishment was a 3 day exclusion. Includes the day of the incident and an inset day so in reality only 1 day.

Eventually call from HT, his story is different from HOY he had no idea it was this bad and contradicts what I had been previously been told . He says all the right things, its not supposed to be this way, I promise it won't happen again, procedures weren't followed ... but I am not convinced .

Aggressor will be moved into a different group, I will phone you again in new term, etc etc etc. I dunno what to think now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jessia0 · 20/10/2016 20:54

Additionally, I have thought a lot about calling the police. I had a bad exit from other parent and there was a lot of police involvement. I am terrified of them as they were the sharp end of a lot of very nasty false allegations that hurt my DC myself a lot. So not able to call them for this yet because it would hurt DC more. Probably hard to understand for most of MN. Sorry

OP posts:

BishopBrennansArse · 20/10/2016 21:00

Proves school is incompetent, then...

ZuleikaDobson · 20/10/2016 21:47

I'm so sorry to hear your ds is being bullied yet more. Did you discuss that with the Head? Is he going to punish the other boy for the continued bullying?

wtffgs · 20/10/2016 21:51

Police
Governors

This is appalling (I work in a school).

for your poor DD.

Too much vile behaviour goes unchallenged by craven SLTs.

CurbsideProphet · 20/10/2016 22:18

By the sounds of it there is a culture of bullying, violence and intimidation at this school. Honestly you need to report the incidents to the Police and request support from the LA in moving your DD to a school where she will be safe. The school is not responding to these appalling incidents and clearly does not have a handle on behaviour.

Memoires · 20/10/2016 23:17

Keep a diary on all incidents. Write down as many and much of the past incidents as you, with dates if you can, but Spring 2014 will do if that's as close as you can get.

Then keep notes on your child's behaviour vis a vis the bullying and school, how it is affecting them, things they say and do etc.

None of it may be necessary in the end, but I think it is likely to be useful.

Good luck, and I hope your child manages OK. It is a tough battle going into a place every day when you know that being attacked is likely and the outcome unsatisfactory.

Poor child, poor little thing

Original poster

Jessia0 · 20/10/2016 23:58

head is very supportive, its just the difference between words and actions :(

OP posts:

Notenoughsleepmumof3 · 21/10/2016 00:03

Report it to the police. Your only course of action after that is to make a formal complaint to the governors and then if it continues Ofsted. But, I've been in this position and Ofsted will not do anything related to safe-guarding. They will say it is a police matter and doesn't fall under their jurisdiction. If you never called the police, the school is off the hook.

Notenoughsleepmumof3 · 21/10/2016 00:04

You can still work with the head and the school as well as call the police. The child is well-over 10. That is assault.

LucyBabs · 21/10/2016 00:23

Sorry but struggling to understand jessia
You've had involvement with the police with this issue or previous one/other dc?

Why is it when a child is assaulted or abused in school it should only be dealt with within the school? If I was assaulted in work and my boss or colleague witnessed it the police would be involved and I could bring charges against that person.
Are we still in the mindset that children should be seen and not heard? Sure feels like it

manhowdy · 21/10/2016 03:20

I wonder if you are as terrified of the Police as your DD is walking around school being punched in the face.

I am so frustrated for her. Call them fgs! It honestly sounds like nothing else is going to cut it. This boy deserves to be properly punished.

DoctorDonnaNoble · 21/10/2016 03:49

Noblegiraffe is probably one of the best teacher posters on here. She has said call the police. The head has given you lots of words then you say that actually it's got worse for your daughter. Can I just say this once please:
CALL THE POLICE!
Your daughter isn't safe in this school. The SMT clearly need a rocket up their arses too.
I've never had to deal with this in the classroom, but I have split up a fight. My students' safety trumps my safety. Get this sorted now. Your daughter needs to feel safe in school not like she doesn't matter. The law does not stop when you enter the school gates. Assault is assault. Currently everyone is being failed.

Resideria · 21/10/2016 06:49

Your poor child, she's being failed by her teachers, school management and you, if you don't report it. I hope you are not sending her back to school before this is properly resolved.

youarenotkiddingme · 21/10/2016 07:02

Theresa new section to safeguarding now called peer on peer abuse. Google your la and that policy.

Sorry this happened.

I've had a terrible experience re police, crime and an academy so had empathise completely with your concerns.

Brokenbiscuit · 21/10/2016 07:44

OP, your poor dd. No child deserves to be treated like this. I understand that you're worried about rocking the boat, but she has the right to be safe in school, and indeed, to feel safe.

She was assaulted in front of a teacher, and the teacher did not intervene. The sanctions applied by the school are clearly inadequate, especially given that this is the third time that the boy in question has assaulted your daughter. The headteacher claimed that he had not realised how serious it was. I would be asking why the hell not? A child was physically assaulted for the third time in school, in front of a member of staff, and the headteacher didn't bother to find out the details?

Sadly, it would appear that the school cannot be trusted to keep your dd safe. The police really are your only other option. I understand that you've had bad experiences with the police in the past, but please don't assume it will be the same again. Please don't let your negative associations get in the way of dealing with this assault in an appropriate way for your dd. If you don't take action, she will learn that it's OK for others to beat her up, and that there is nothing that can be done. Do you really want her to go through life with that perspective?

It's really hard when you have your own personal demons to deal with. I get that, but you need to put your dd first and show her that she doesn't have to put up with the kind of treatment that she has experienced in school. You're her mum, and she needs your help. for both of you.

Autumnsky · 21/10/2016 12:22

Beside all the other suggestion, I think OP can try to enroll DD to a martial art class. As I think this will improve DD's fitness , strength and confidence, stop her to be a future victim of bully.

manhowdy · 21/10/2016 12:26

I tried that with my son autumnsky, but he's a gentle soul and no amount of karate could change that (he also hated it).

Plus her DD will shortly take her GCSEs and karate takes years.

Autumnsky · 21/10/2016 12:58

I don’t think a martial art class would immediately change the girl to a super fighter and can fight back with the bully. But the training will certainly change the girl’s confidence and outlooks even after a few weeks. Although GCSE years are slightly stressful, some physical training will just do good. My DS1 is in Y11, he really enjoys his weekly training and he practice at home a few times a week. He is a gentle boy as well, that’s actually the reason I enrolled him.
I just worried by the OP's comments on her DD, weak and wimp, this certainly need to be changed.

ILoveMyMonkey · 21/10/2016 13:00

So your DD has been physically assaulted on a number of occasions, the school have failed to protect her and take relevant action and you are concerned that taking relevant action may affect her gcse's and to top it off she is being further bullied by others who witnessed the attack.

Poor poor girl.

If it were me (someone repeatedly bullied throughout primary and cried daily for years, begging my mum to keep me home) I would call the police followed by finding another school, life is too short to put up with all this bullshit from her peers and I would be concerned about how all this would affect her mental health and how that would impact upon her future. I believe that, even though one shouldn't have to, sometimes the best course of action is to run away and start fresh (moving to a secondary wherenone of my primary peers went was my fresh start and I could finally be happy, outgoing and shine).

GColdtimer · 24/10/2016 09:31

Op my dh was bullied throughout school. His parents spoke to the school but that was about it. He begged them to move him, they didn't because it didn't suit them. He is 45 and the bullying he experienced, but more so the sense of being utterly failed by his parents is still with him daily.

Quite frankly her GCSEs are the last of your worries because a child who spends every day in fear is unlikely to do well at exams anyway.

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