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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

11yr old ds in tears over summer school.

81 replies

kissmethere · 22/07/2016 11:38

Ds's new secondary school have sent an email to invite him to 5 half days. He will be starting in September. This will take place in August.
He is flat out refusing and I do feel for him. They have liaised with his primary school and he has been part of groups throughout his primary school life for additional support which has done him the world of good.
I need to respond today to confirm his place but I feel like it's causing him so much upset at the thought of it I'm tempted to say no although I think he needs to do it. He's currently under cahms as last year he was so down about the pressure of year 6 he wasn't sleeping and was in tears every night.
It sounds very casual with activities revolving around maths and literacy. Lunch provided, no charge.
What do I do?

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 22/07/2016 12:14

Without sounding nuts- could you text him??

Sometimes when really upset, young teens can process simple information more easily. Consider it the modern day equivalent of sliding a note under the door 😁.

AndNowItsSeven · 22/07/2016 12:15

I and my dd who has Asd are both gutted our summer school has been cancelled. Does your ds realise it's games etc and are designed to help dx particularly ones with Sen feel more confident about September.

iMatter · 22/07/2016 12:16

It's tricky. If he doesn't go will it make September harder for him?

I'd be inclined to encourage him to go just so that the start of next term is less daunting and also because there may already be some friendship groups forming after the summer days.

tribpot · 22/07/2016 12:24

Our summer school has also been cancelled, which I think is such a shame - what a great way to mix up the kids from the different primaries and get them feeling comfortable and familiar with the school surroundings before the big kids are there getting in the way Grin

However, my ds was quite ambivalent about the summer school (before it was cancelled) as he's quite shy, and I think I would have had to persuade him on the basis of a couple of fun activities, maybe the day out to the seaside or whatever. I wouldn't have pushed it because it's the summer holidays and he's already had two brilliant transition days at the school, plus he knows it reasonably well from activities they've done there in Y6.

Do you have Stay the Day activities at the local Council gym? I wonder if maybe you suggest he should do a couple of those during the hols, to make sure he doesn't get too isolated (not that you would use that form of words with him).

It might also be worth talking to the Summer School people about techniques they've found useful to help make the sessions attractive for kids with special needs. Maybe he could go in and see where it's going to be and hear from a young person about what all the fun activities are?

noblegiraffe · 22/07/2016 12:25

why would they bring them in to do schoolwork

Some schools use the Y7 pupil catch-up funding to bring in pupils who didn't meet the expected level at KS2 to do extra maths and English to try to boost them before school starts, and avoid the summer slide.

Expect way more of this next year when they bring in Y7 SATs resits.

Original poster
kissmethere · 22/07/2016 12:29

Thanks everyone thanks so much.
I've just spoken to him and proposed to go for the first day an he said he'd think about it. I had to say to him about meeting people and making friends and he sees what I mean. Fingers crossed. I said if he really doesn't like we'll not go.
I know he'll benefit from it. I said we're not going to do anything without him so he won't miss out.
Funnily enough he texted me! So I went in and w e had a talk.

OP posts:
allwornout0 · 22/07/2016 12:30

My dd went on one last Aug before starting Y7.
She really enjoyed it, there were 20 children and they did lot's of games, cooking, sports etc and were supported by 6th formers.
It was a really good way for her to get to know the school a bit more and not feel quite so anxious (suffers from bad anxiety) when she started as she didn't know anyone before she started.

Original poster
kissmethere · 22/07/2016 12:32

allwornout0 thanks that's good to know.

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 22/07/2016 12:34

kiss I'm so pleased. And you're encouraging such good behaviour and habits for him for the future- learning your first reaction isn't always the right reaction is a tough lesson, and if this is a success then you've got a brilliant life lesson right there.

I hope he loves it! All the teachers will be on super positive happy mode too, so hopefully he will be really surprised and love it and make some good friends.

SoupDragon · 22/07/2016 12:35

I see you've already made this suggestion to him but I would persuade him to go for one day with the agreement that he doesn't have to go to the rest if he doesn't want to. Then take each day as it comes, always with the agreement that he doesn't have to go to the next one.

atomsatdawn · 22/07/2016 12:35

Ours did this but only for those on FSM. We are low working income, dd has SN and was going up alone and we were gutted she wasn't allowed to do it as she would have benefited hugely.

They did clay, 3D printing, animation, film making, drama and sports. They had a ball.

Original poster
kissmethere · 22/07/2016 12:38

Thanks guys I said to him it gives a good impression on him as well to be willing to take part in something like this. I really hope he says yes. I'll report back.

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 22/07/2016 12:42

I'd accept the place on his behalf, but I'd back right off talking to him about it so he does not feel 'badgered'.
Then revisit the whole thing when the first class comes along.

Poor you and your poor DS.

Not that this is the same thing but DS(8) was recently told he needed surgery and he just went ape Shock, refused to even think about it, did not want to talk about it or find out more about it, totally blocked any attempt to find out what worried him so much.
So we just shut up. And after a few days he came with questions which we just answered with nothing else added. He eventually agreed to having it done (there really was no choice in the matter btw, but obviously it was distressing to see him that distressed).

I find backing off like with shy horses often works.

Good luck Thanks

LIZS · 22/07/2016 12:44

What a great result, well done. Fingers crossed this gives him more confidence for September.

Original poster
kissmethere · 22/07/2016 13:00

Thank you everyone this has been so helpful. I've git a banging headache now but I'm taking 2 paracetamol and backing off for a while.

OP posts:
Merclady · 22/07/2016 13:07

Just to add a different perspective
My friends dd who is also known to cahms and is a "looked after" child was invited to one of these pre secondary school holiday clubs

She attended all sessions and had fun visiting places of interest and taking part in crafts/ games etc
No problems with actual content/aims

The problems started when she began school and my friend found out that lots of the other children who attended had issues with behaviour etc in previous school
In this case her dd found it difficult to integrate with the children who hadn't been invited to summer school and felt stuck with the dc she had previously met

Fast forward and at least three of these children were in continuous exclusion and two were moved to different schools before the first year ended

The point that I'm trying to make is that my friend feels her daughter has been labelled as "different" not least because of this invite and when offered chance again for looked after dd2 she has politely declined

You of course know your own ds
Wishing you both a happy and peaceful summer holiday whatever you both decide

pieceofpurplesky · 22/07/2016 13:13

We run a summer school and the year 6 in to 7 pupils love it. Some don't want to attend so parents decline but many then want to attend when they hear their friends going. I would contact school and say you are hoping your son will attend.
In previous years this has been funded by the government for pupil premium kids (your DS would qualify due to Camhs). We have found that the transition for these pupils has been brilliant and they have not had the issues previous years had. Sadly government have cut this funding. We are still running it but sadly now only those that can afford to pay can make it (we have this year been able to cover some pupils but won't in future).
Try and encourage your son to go and sell it in a team building exercise. They are usually really good fun

Original poster
kissmethere · 22/07/2016 14:30

Ok I've confirmed and we've compromised that he will at least go on first day. So we're in a better place than we were this morning. He's cheered up a lot and not going to mention it again now. I expect some moaning but I accept that. Thank you everyone. All your advice has really helped. I'll let you know how it goes Smile

OP posts:
atomsatdawn · 22/07/2016 14:35

Well done Kissme. My girl suffers from anxiety and is under cahms so I know how hard it is.

LilacInn · 22/07/2016 14:46

It sounds as though it was presented as a negative or punitive thing to him, rather than a privilege/fun thing. Too bad it wasn't framed as an "orientation tour" or something like that instead of "summer school."

Wolfiefan · 22/07/2016 14:50

Kissme do you have a contact number or email for someone at school? I would want them to know how he feels and why. (Has he said why?)

Original poster
kissmethere · 22/07/2016 14:59

I do have contact details. Yes I'll ask someone to get in touch. True shame it wasn't introduced has something like induction. He says its like a punishment which I've explained it isn't. He just doesn't want to have anything to do with school during the holidays. I completely understand but this could do him some good.

OP posts:
BenLinusatemyhomework · 22/07/2016 15:23

Well done OP - that is exactly what I would have done, just make sure you stick to it and don't make him go back if he's not coping, it would be counterproductive.

As an aside, my 11yr old does not have any additional needs but nevertheless we spent an hour and a half yesterday with him inconsolable and adamant that he was not going to secondary school... EVER!

The end of term has been emotionally fraught and the transition to big school is hideously daunting - an epic meltdown under those conditions is probably par for the course.

amidawish · 22/07/2016 15:41

well done.
fwiw my yr5 dd has spent the last few days since the end of term dozing which is really out of character for her. she is just exhausted. the yr6's must be even more so! no surprise the thought of more school was not appealing!

do let us know how he gets on.

HSMMaCM · 22/07/2016 15:54

Well done. DD didn't want to go to her 3 days in the summer, but had a great time and it made her more confident when she started.

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