Boarding - positives please

[Parsley1234]

My beautiful son wants to board next year - year 9 and I'm being very positive about it even though I'm going to miss him like crazy it is just me and him and always has been really. Please tell me what he will get out of it positively and help me not to have a crying fit when he goes as you see I'm preparing well in advance !

85 in a boarding house sounds huge. 50 - 60 (10-12 per year group) is much more common.

orange it's disappointing to read your thread. One would hope that in 2016 with the many changes in boarding that have occurred in the last 15-20 years, including a huge shift towards caring for the whole child, regular ISI inspections and a huge increase in fees that the what your DC is experiencing wouldn't happen.
When you say only 4 staff for 85 pupils are you saying that's how many are on duty at any one time or that's how many adults are allocated to the house in total?
"Friendship groups seem to change all the time" of course all schools day or boarding state or indepenent.will have year groups where for some reason pupils don't gel together. This is less important in a day school but problematic in a boarding school. I was talking to an HM at a boarding school (not DS's) who is expectionally dedicated and runs an excellent boarding house with happy pupil and he has a year group like that, as individuals the pupils are fantastic but all together they just havent gelled. It's very difficult for him he can't make them like each other, although he's worked very hard to encourage them to get on with each other but friendship groups are like your DS's changing all the time.
With regard to academic standards these will obviously vary from boarding school to boarding school. It's inevitable that if you very carefully select the verybrightest pupils your going to have high academic standards if your completely non selective your results are going to be mixed. Boarding schools cannot turn children of average intelligence into geniuses.
In res
"We have been sold an expensive lie" I do think many independent schools are economical with the truth, they organise swish open days and have wonderful websites complete with videos of happy polished children saying how wonderful their school is with the best teachers and facilities etc. As parents we want to believe it. The most common complaint I hear from friends with DC's at other boarding schools is that they were very much given the impression by staff that their choosen school was full boarding and it turned out to be primarily a weekly boarding school. IME to get extract the correct info on this sort of thing you need to ask very specific questions. Others complain about the lack of golf course, or a specific club (usually sporting) they just assumed it was going to be there. When you visit on open days you very much shown the positives, it's so hard to get a feel for exactly what's going on. It took me four visits before I could work out what sort of school my DS's really is. We are thinking of sending to the school the most important people in our lives and at a considerable sum, yet I used to noticed over the years of visiting schools how few searching questions are asked of either staff or pupils. I'm proud to say I've never looked at bathrooms or loos but I've always asked both pupils and staff searching and even difficult questions about areas that matter to my DS and myself. I always advise parents visiting any school if something matters to you be it the number of staff allocated to a boarding house, the type of loos, the existence of a golf course, how many actually full board or the quality of the art dept then ask never assume.
orange I hope you find a better school for your DC, there is inevitablely a degree of luck involved when you make your choice. My DS2 has 4 weeks and three days of boarding school life left, I regularly thank my lucky stars that his school has turned out to be right for him and us, that what I thought it was when we visited all those years ago, in particularly our impression of his HM is exactly how it's turned out to be. But I do know that some have not everyone has had such a positive experience, this is inevitable at every school you'll find a small number both disgruntled pupils and parents.

Sorry too orange to hear about your woes, I hope they are resolved satisfactorily.

However, I doubt you could find a single state v private thread on mumsnet where someone doesn't give the warning that the fact that you are paying is no guarantee that you will receive a better school or education. I'm afraid that your experience is a sad reminder of this very important fact.

Thank you for your comments - it was a new head and he came complete with all the changes he was going to make to the ethos of the school - more academic, driver to take to regional sports etc We had scholarships at 4 schools and chose this one because of his vision. Unfortunately thats where its stayed - a vision. He is more interested in being friends with the influential parents and has not changed a thing bar taking in lots of one and two term 'language' students who do nothing but disrupt the lessons.
Happy gardening - there is one adult at a time on duty - 4 is the total number. Sixth formers do most of the supervision but most can't be bothered as they have their own work to do.
I'm trying to be positive and have two interviews lined up at other schools - looking at whether we change in sept at start of year 11 or muddle through and go for sixth form. I feel awful as I spent so much time looking at schools only to be taken in by empty talk! I wish I could warn other parents

Orangesugarsheep best of luck to you and your DCs. Hopefully you can provide your perspective on the school if it comes up as a possible here for other posters. My impression is that even with best of new heads there is a lag time before significant changes can take place but usually a track record at previous schools can make it clearer whether a new head is effective. The best schools are strong enough not to be swayed by influential parents

Orange,

I do not post here nowadays as my son has now left his boarding school and is at University in his first year, However, I am minded to because I have spoken this afternoon to a friend of mine whose son went to a different school from my son but a "good" boarding school and changed for 6th form. He is now doing well and on track for the course he wants to do at a good university. This will not help your yr 11 decision but just to say that a change of schools is not the worst thing. TBH I think a post GCSE change would be easier than yr 11 (so 6th form , yr 12) , but do speak to the headmasters and staff involved. Good luck to you and wishing you well.

Oh and BTW if HM wants to be friends with "influential parents" - run. Purely a personal (non influential person) opinion . Sounds odd. "The best schools are strong enough not to be swayed by influential parents" as sendsummer says.