Help me to get over the fact that year 11 dd is failing to put the work in at GCSE

[fidelix]

I am v stressed at the moment as my year 11 dd is not bothering to put much effort in at GCSE.

She had history today and said it had lots of odd qus she wasn't expecting and couldn't possibly have revised for but these included topics that a) are in the syllabus, and b) were in past papers that I desperately tried to interest in her last night (she has not bothered to look at a single one, even though she plans to do history A Level and supposedly wants to do it for a degree!). I am getting so stressed, as dd refuses to plan her revision, I think still seems to imagine she can get by in most subjects with night-before revision, makes no efforts to look at anything beyond her (incomplete) school notes (even though I've bought revision guides) and didn't even know until yesterday there was more than 1 exam board! (Seriously - she looked most shocked when I told her!). She also seems to think predictions are gospel, and she is guaranteed the predicted grade even with minimum work.

Should add that she at an excellent selective school, where A* and As are common and she got in on exam, so is a bright girl - but her work ethic seems to have vanished.

I'm frustrated and disappointed - she won't let anyone help. I'm sad for her, because she assumes she will get into at least a Russell Group uni, like her dad, and doesn't seem to get that you actually need the grades to get there. She previously decided she didn't want to follow me to Oxbridge - now that dream (mine, not hers) seems laughably far away.

How do those of you who have bright but lazy children, who were high-achieving academically yourselves, cope emotionally with watching your dcs fail to put the effort in? I know she does want to go to a good university, but appears to have no idea they won't just 'know' she's deserving of a place. She just doesn't seem to get that you can't wing it at GCSE. That GCSEs measure work, not brilliance.

I know I need to get over my frustration because it's not helping anyone and that her grades are her business not mine, but I'm not dealing with this well.

Help, please!!!

I'm in a similar position with DS. He cannot focus on revision at all. Anything will distract him - if I took away everything, he would be distracted by the dust in the room! He has dyslexia and yes, I think he has a touch of ADHD - the inattentive type. He zones out and stared into space. His answers are all over the place, hitting A* and E grades within the same paragraph. He wants to do well and is bright but isn't motivated to plough through revision books or do past papers. He will do stuff with me but I don't have a lot of spare time to commit to him (work and other DS who poor him is being totally neglected). I like you am tearing my hair out with it all. I just want him to do his best and not underachieve. I'm scared of the Year 11 thread for fear of reading about revision timetables and 4 hours a night solid revision. I think he will get the right grades to stay on but I fear sixth form could bring with the same problems...

I do think your high achieving school could be magnifying everything.

Rest assured, you are not alone!

ADHD is highly heritable so it's possible that you would also have it.

I think you might have mixed me up with someone else re DH comment? I don't have anything against labelling, not at that age, I think it's useful rather than stigmatising. She doesn't have to tell anybody she has it if she doesn't want to. But it can help to put a reason to the struggles.

Bertie DH = dear husband so you have misunderstood that comment.

What? I know what it means! But OP said "My dh sounds just like yours" and something about labelling, and I don't think I've mentioned my DH in this thread. Nor does he have an issue with labelling.

(And I didn't mind! :) Just wanted other person's contribution not to go unnoticed.)

Sorry, Bertie. It was Hobbema who said that re dyspraxia, another possibility. I did read your posts thoroughly, honest! Suffering from fried brain courtesy of GCSE stress!

Thanks again - your posts were really helpful. If there are any tips you'd recommend for coping with ADHD tendencies, that would be really appreciated. :)