Help me to get over the fact that year 11 dd is failing to put the work in at GCSE

[fidelix]

I am v stressed at the moment as my year 11 dd is not bothering to put much effort in at GCSE.

She had history today and said it had lots of odd qus she wasn't expecting and couldn't possibly have revised for but these included topics that a) are in the syllabus, and b) were in past papers that I desperately tried to interest in her last night (she has not bothered to look at a single one, even though she plans to do history A Level and supposedly wants to do it for a degree!). I am getting so stressed, as dd refuses to plan her revision, I think still seems to imagine she can get by in most subjects with night-before revision, makes no efforts to look at anything beyond her (incomplete) school notes (even though I've bought revision guides) and didn't even know until yesterday there was more than 1 exam board! (Seriously - she looked most shocked when I told her!). She also seems to think predictions are gospel, and she is guaranteed the predicted grade even with minimum work.

Should add that she at an excellent selective school, where A* and As are common and she got in on exam, so is a bright girl - but her work ethic seems to have vanished.

I'm frustrated and disappointed - she won't let anyone help. I'm sad for her, because she assumes she will get into at least a Russell Group uni, like her dad, and doesn't seem to get that you actually need the grades to get there. She previously decided she didn't want to follow me to Oxbridge - now that dream (mine, not hers) seems laughably far away.

How do those of you who have bright but lazy children, who were high-achieving academically yourselves, cope emotionally with watching your dcs fail to put the effort in? I know she does want to go to a good university, but appears to have no idea they won't just 'know' she's deserving of a place. She just doesn't seem to get that you can't wing it at GCSE. That GCSEs measure work, not brilliance.

I know I need to get over my frustration because it's not helping anyone and that her grades are her business not mine, but I'm not dealing with this well.

Help, please!!!

Think Friday's paper is all on technique, they are given source material and have to argue/explain. Obv s the background teaching they have done on this helps but apparently not so essential. Dont quote me. I have to say, as a medic, who did no humanities in O levels as they were, I have found the level of understanding and arguement required for this to be quite surprisingly high ( I have a matho inarticulate son). Agree, iGCSEs a different kettle of fish, dont even get me started on what a joke MFL teaching/standards are. That said, my knowledge of modern 20 century international relations has come on leaps and bounds.

Surely it's too late to do anything about it now? I wouldn't worry - if she's clever and at a good school she'll probably emerge with As and A*s in any event. Especially if they do IGCSEs which are easier.

Oh I feel your pain! Ds1 is nothing like me (or his yr 10 brother for that matter,) whereas I get anxious, panicky and overwork, ds1 seems to be the master of winging it! He's done very little revision, did nothing for the mocks and still got all A/A* so is convinced he's going to walk it! I'm pretty convinced he's going to get the shock of his life but we'll just have to see. I hope I'm wrong

goodbye stranger; have to disagree. iGCSEs and GCSEs in a mix for my DS and have god-children doing comparator gcse equivalents; they arent easier. I hate ALL generalisations... joke

noble- I'll ask dd but she certainly didn't seem to be revising all previous work for her mocks. But maybe that was just her? Good point, though - I'll ask. If she wasn't tested on all of it, it would rather undermine her claims that she's on top of it. And if she was tested on all of it, then that might make me feel a bit more relaxed!

hobbema - it's been nice revision for me. Though I alarmed dd by sitting down yesterday to discuss the paper going '1922, Treaty of Rapallo' which just popped into my head, apropos of nothing. But dd hadn't covered it apparently. The paper didn't sound terribly difficult to me if they've been studying the topic, but dd seemed to be unaccountably thrown by any attempt to ask the same old questions with marginally different wording/angles. Still basically the same old questions.

IGCSE seem a lot harder to me - certainly the MFL are - about twice the content and no coursework.

Ingles2 - so I'm not alone. Let's hope our dcs are right and we're wrong!

fidelix; definitely, it's different angles for the same core stuff. Such a shame that it comes down to that in a way. My DS ( possibly brilliant, possibly moron, definitely lazy) was question spotting last night.I didnt start question spotting til my degree!
noble; re mocks, certainly not the case that it's the full paper for many of our DCs in Jan/Feb even.
Let remind ourselves that this is first time for ages that most of these guys are sitting linear exams, not with 60% banked already in modules and are having to use skills, recall and general intelligence ( please God). Personally think that's a good thing.

Exams were linear last year too. Weird that they would sit a mock that wasn't actually a mock.

It's her life, let her decide. For what it's worth, I didn't make much effort and achieved As/Bs which my DM wasn't expecting and she verbally shared her shock at my grades on results day

hobbema - no, don't think I started question-spotting till my degree either. But it's easier now, with the internet bringing them to your bedroom in a matter of seconds. Why wouldn't you, when you can? And also, of course, history isn't just objective 'fact' - it's a subjective choice of facts, so using a syllabus or past papers as the limits of that body of facts is no more intrinsically right or wrong than any other limiting factors.

Finally - would be more than happy to have that surprise!

I know logically you're right, just trying to feel it emotionally too.

She may be one of these people who reads the notes once and then get straight As. I think if there were concerns about her, the school would have flagged it by now.

In all honesty, there's not a lot you can do now. Stressing won't make any difference (easier said then done!). If she fails her GCSEs, then that's a life lesson, and she can always retake. That may be a little disappointing or embaress ing, but it's not the end of the world.

Red wine and chocolate helps in these situations. Also, the long running thread for Year 11 parents.

Quite apart from the new general linear system, plenty of DC have taken linear GCSE exams in the past decade because that's the way their schools did it, in the belief that modular exams were disruptive and not in the best interests of their particular constituency of DC. None of my DC have ever taken the exams as modular and the first GCSEs in this house were 2006.

Also, I doubt any DC taking exams as linear is in any way influenced or affected by the fact that some other DC used to take them as modular. It's probably not massively confidence building if people tell them these GCSEs are harder than previously - they're judged against their peers so it really doesn't matter that much.

Coursework is a help for some DC and a hindrance for others - not a universal good by any means.

OP I'd be very careful not just about being rattled but about a sudden access of nerves at this very late stage. Your DD is well placed to do well and the school (which is evidently high achieving) hasn't flagged any concerns. If I were you I'd just feed her decent meals, limit noise in the house to a tolerable level, suggest she gets to bed at a reasonable time and then lay off completely.

I like the distinction you draw between her merely Russell Group dad and your Oxbridge self :) (leaving aside the semantics of that one!).

DS1 is doing iGCSE sciences with CIE board. There is much more to learn than there is for AQA triple science GCSE and many of the topics are ones that I didn't study until A-level. Not all iGCSEs are easier than GCSEs.

She just doesn't seem to get that you can't wing it at GCSE. That GCSEs measure work, not brilliance.
Sometimes OP very bright children can get top grades at GCSE in this way.
I also have a dd in Y11 and the whole process seems very different to when we took exams in that far more revision is being carried out actually in school. Practice paper questions have been set for homework all year so she has already done most of them (even if not as a complete paper). Most schools actually mark mocks strictly rather than generously so mocks could be an underestimate of final grades.
The argument over whether iGCSEs are harder than GCSEs is an interesting one. My understanding is that it can be easier for pupils to obtain a grade C on the iGCSE whereas it is harder to obtain an A/A*.

No it's easier at the top end as well, which is why those results always go when a school adopts the new 'harder' GCSEs. It doesn't really matter since unis treat them in the same way so it's a pretty inconsequential argument, I just threw it in :)

Sorry, that should have read always go up.

Sorry again, that should have read the new 'harder' IGCSEs.

Not sure what's happening this morning!

goodbye; linear/modular, so sorry , am clearly thick as mince, ignore me. Maybe it's just been that way where we live. Twin DDs start the new GCSE grading this Sept and DS doing linear As with AS only in Maths when /if he moves to 6th form. Clearly getting too old to keep up. Dont know how teachers manage the changes every year ( though as a doctor should be only too familiar with constantly changing goalposts from on high..!)

Marking place. My DS is sitting iGCSEs this month at his selective secondary, and has done precisely zilch revision that I'm aware of at home.

I would be very happy if he got Bs in the subjects he wants to do for A level, so perhaps I have lower expectations than others on this thread.

At the moment, he seems to have such little interest in schoolwork I can't imagine him putting in the work for A levels, although like the OP's DD he thinks he will be going to University at some distant point in the future when everything magically turns out the way it should. (This is me projecting, as he doesn't actually say what he thinks..)

Sadly, have to correct those who have said I shouldn't woory as school would have flagged up concerns if any problems. Didn't mention (sorry for dripfeed but didn't occur to me it wasn't obvious that my worries were based on something more than just maternal perfectionism) that I have been getting non-stop emails from nearly all her teachers for the last 2 years about dd's lack of homework/effort/attention. Around year 9 she went from being the golden girl who won prizes for her work to the girl who wanted to appear too cool for school. It's 'worked' - she is now friends with the 'cool' group instead of the nerdy group. But her results, understandably, have suffered. Her teachers are as frustrated as I am, but n o amounts of detentions etc make any difference.

Years of dd being told how incredibly brilliant and intelligent she is have had the effect she doesn't think work is necessary or important. Very frustrating.

But it is so frustrating - because she absolutely is capable of a goo batch of top grades - if she puts the work in.

good batch

She doesn't even go to the school revision sessions!

I can understand it must be so frustrating. Hard as it is, I think you just have to back off a little at this late stage. By all means help her revise, do what you can, but so close to the exams there's little point in getting overly worked up about it.

She sounds bright enough to get through the GCSEs and on to A-Level courses. Yes, it must be frustrating to watch her end up with B and Cs rather than a string of A stars, but it may well be the wake up call she needs. She'll still have he chance to get great A-Levels, so probably better this way round than stellar GCSEs and mediocre A-Levels.

Perhaps when she sees friends getting GCSE results on results day, she might realise wny you and her teacher have been nagging her so much!