DD passed 11 plus but now wants to go to local comp..

[timeforabrewnow]

because her friends are going there.

Dilemma for me as I know she's only 10 and really we need to choose for her as well, but ultimately we want her to be happy. The local comp has been classed by ofstead as 'good' whereas the Grammar she's got into is one of the top schools in the country.

For some people I realise this would seem like a no-brainer, but I think she would do well academically at the comp. It's not as pressured an environment either, BUT is it foolish to pass up such a good school??

Any replies from people who have children in secondary school and faced a similar dilemma gratefully received.

ds is year 8. He passed 11+ and we sent him to the grammar.

He didn't want to go, partly friendships, partly I think he was worried about it being hard academically.

We sat down with him and said that we thought the school was a really good fit for him (not just because it is a grammar, although that was one reason). Some of the reasons he didn't get, as they were outside his experience. We said that we wanted him to have this chance but that his happiness was important too, so we did a deal. Go to the grammar and if he didn't like it, we would move him at the end of year 7. He could choose, at that point.

The grammar had kids from all over so they were all in the position of having to make new friends and the school was good at facilitating that.

He came home at the end of day 1 with a huge grin. He loved it. He has just gone into year 8 and didn't want to move.

He now understands one of our reasons that he didn't get when in year 6, and that was that he would enjoy being in a class with a group of bright competitive boys. He had never been in the situation where he was in a larger group where it was cool to be clever and where there was some competition for high marks etc. He thrives in that environment, which we knew he would.

I'd send her to grammar. My dd went to comp and did ok. She's now at the grammar for sixth form. Fitted in really well. And most of her friendship group are Asian girls.
I now wish she had gone there from year 7.

What her friends are doing is not remotely a good reason for turning down the grammar. We moved our eldest to a new school and he maintains the friendships he made at primary and has made new friends.

My son passed his 11+ and then decided he wanted to go to the comp as some of his other friends were going there. We told him to give it a year at grammar and if he hates it we will move him. He has been there 6 weeks and loves it so I am pleased we stuck with the original plan. However, he does have friends from his junior school at grammar so it wasn't like he knew no one.

Sorry longer than 6 weeks now!!

DD went to the Grammar although none of her friends did. (But it was her choice). It did take a few months but she now has a lovely group of friends. DS also went to Grammar with his best friends in his class. They'd dropped each other by Easter and found new friends.

Friends is the wrong reason to choose a school. If she doesn't like the culture or atmosphere that would be different.