Not all grammars are super-selective. Pass marks for entry to our local ones are around 60% in each 11+ paper. I read with horror that some super-selectives pass rate is 90% +!!!!
9 kids in our DS's year at primary school went to the local grammars out of just 28 in his class. Tutoring isn't an issue round here - only a couple out of those 9 had private tutoring because it's well known that working on the "top table" in the later years of primary is virtually a guarantee of 11+ success when it's such a low pass mark. There is little snobbery round here because the grammars aren't perceived as elite - they're just regarded as another option to compare with the church schools, a variety of comps, etc. Many people simply don't choose the grammars for a variety of reasons, such as not wanting a single sex school, not wanting to be taught the compulsory classics, or even simply that they're easily accessible due to their locations (not on bus routes, so a long walk!).
That's how it always used to be and how it should be now. It's the minority of super-selectives in certain areas that seem to give the entire country's grammar system a bad name. Back in the 60's in my town, the grammar school was half the size of the secondary, so the top third of primary school leavers passed the 11+ and got a place in the grammar. That's certainly not elitism.
My son's best friend decided not to take the 11+ as he'd decided he didn't want to go to the grammar anyway (he would easily have passed it). Reasoning was that it didn't do football as a games option whereas he wanted to play footie in school. He's at a church school instead!
I can imagine that the super-selectives are horrendous due to snobbery, extensive tutoring, pushy parenting, etc., but some people need to look beyond their immediate local area and realise that not all areas are like that. In our area, it's the way it should be, grammars sit alongside church and comp schools and people can make a real choice about which school to choose according to what they offer and their children's preferences.