Can I be slightly smug about DS? Unable to in RL

[smugandsmugger]

We live in a rural, wealthy area. We are the only people in our group of friends that chose our local Comprehensive, everyone else chose the Private route.
Our friends are lovely but I know there was a lot of discussion about our choice. One person even asked me if DH was worried about his job security.

Anyway, DS got AAA at A levels and is off to his first choice of Uni. Four of his friends are going to Oxbridge.
For all the middle class angst about schools sometimes State education is the best choice.

The only reason there was discussion about your choice and that this bothered you is that human beings are insecure and judgemental. You made your friends feel less secure in their choices, so they felt the need to rationalise them in a way that neutralised their insecurities (eg you couldn't afford the alternatives, or there was something about your children that didn't apply to theirs, or there was something about their children that didn't apply to yours, or you were making a mistake) and they made you feel less secure, because you were not going for what they considered to be the safe choices. Obviously, when it has all paid off, it feels good to be able to say, somewhere, that you were not wrong in your choices. Life is too short to get hung up about it, though, and far too complicated ever to be able to say with certainty that you were right and chose the best path in life. You (and presumably) they simply made a choice that didn't turn out, in retrospect, to be a bad one. Obsessing about the right school when none of the options are likely to be disastrous, as though there is some kind of holy grail of schools, is a bit tiresome and precious, really.

OP (I am ignoring any silly negativeness above as I can't be bothered to read it!) Huge congratulations on your DCs success and YES shout from the rooftops and tell everyone how wonderful he is, why the hell not!
Well done you for not bowing to pressure and in trusting in your DCs ability and dedication to achieve such amazing marks. Good luck to you all on his journey to uni! #mumpower

I don't know if any of you saw the programme about Radley a year or so ago when they went back to follow up pupils who they had filmed in the early 1980s? One parent on the programme, when asked about the local primary school, was absolutely shocked - that was where the estate workers' children went, not people like them. So in some circles, yes, you don't consider the state school as an option. I'm not sure whether this would apply to the circles that OP mixes in - she might be moving in circles where they have all made a bit of money and want people to know.

My DD16 just gained 5 As (no A* in Scotland) in her Scottish Highers in her very ordinary and huge state school, enough to get her unconditional offers to the very best Universities in Scotland next year.

My Oh and I were just rubbing our hands the other day at how much (non-existent) money we saved by sending her there :-)

Gloat away, you should be very proud of your boy, I'm certainly very proud of my girl.

"why should I pay more tax to subsidise state schools"

Because it's immoral and unfair and bad for society to undermine our meritocracy and to shit all over the principle of equality of opportunity.

Nobody should be in favour of a system which supports and sustains massive inequalities in education.

You could use this 'why should I pay more tax' argument for a lot of things. I, fortunately, have not had to make much use of the NHS but I would still rather pay for everyone to have a basic standard of healthcare.

nicole
The point about tax is that people often say to private school parents "you should pay more tax" not "we all should pay more tax". Private school parents paying more tax is not the solution. It is an issue for every member of society. If we want a better education in this country then a society wide approach is needed. e.g. Abolish selection by faith, provide high quality equally valued vocational qualifications, address poverty of aspiration etc.

I've never heard anyone say that specifically parents who send their kids to private schools should pay more tax. Mostly what is said is that we should all pay more tax proportionately on our incomes in order to make education more equal and therefore fairer.

And I'm absolutely with you abolition of faith requirements. I think state schools also need to look at ways around postcode selection. And if grammar schools had to stay I'd want them to look at the ways they select students to stop them taking in disproportionate numbers of children from private preps and children who have had years of tutoring.

The rights of adults to spend their money as they wish shouldn't trump the rights of children to an equal chance in education. It's an absolutely fundamental issue - as a society we should strive for fairness.

Great news.
I wouldn't worry too much about what other people think of your choices.
It is about the best school for the child and I know in RL parents who have opted for different schools for their different children for many reasons.

Of course, lots of kids get A & A* at A level at state schools including comps. Ridiculous to think this is not true. Especially as they proudly publish these results.

tara to be fair only 8% of all A levels taken in 2014 and 15 were awarded an A*.

And some students will have more than one .

So to say loads if kids in the state system get them is a bit of an exaggeration.

It would be interesting to know what proportion of the A*s are gained by pupils in grammar schools, independent schools and comprehensives. The location of the comprehensives would also be interesting. I bet most are in middle class areas with plenty of high achieving children. If you have this type of school available, parents may well be better advised not to scrimp and save to pay private fees and enjoy a higher standard of living for the whole family. If you have enough money to easily afford a top quality private school, then that is an attractive proposition to lots of parents in this position. A top class comprehensive or a lowly private school would see me choosing the comprehensive.

Apologies I thought the poster said a lot of young people got an A*.

Yes, it's about 25% if you conflate the two.

But that's not a quarter of all students getting one of course. As many will get 2/3/4/5.

milly I have that info somewhere. Though perhaps not the geographical aspect.

I think it's just split into independent and maintained ( with breakdown of selective versus non selective).

I'll look it out later.

I'm not sure I see the point of your thread. Well done to your DS but I'm sure he would have done equally as well wherever we went. I chose independent for mine but as our local comp is very high achieving I expect the grade difference to be marginal, certainly for high achievers. It wasn't why I paid.
So genuinely well done but not sure why you (in your own words) are smug about it unless your 'good friends' actually suggested your child wouldn't achieve. Which would make them not such good friends from where I'm standing.

Anyway, I always think the grade difference is only really seem in the bottom half of the middle or the top half of the middke who are massively underachieving and are thus sent to a very formal type of school. Bright motivated children with supportive parents opting for a good comp with lots of similar children and parents?!?!? Negligible grade difference IMO

Well done to your DS, what was the comp like though? Many are high performing.

I would agree completely with the sentiments of the OP if she had said "proud" instead of "smug".

milly A*s are awarded 30/70 ( broadly, naturally there is some differentiation in subject) between the private and state sector.

That is interesting because only about 8% of children are in independent schools. It is a shame the comprehensive school figures are not available because maintained result results may be skewed by the small grammar school children. Therefore we don't actually know how well comprehensives do. However, if any comprehensive school without a very healthy cohort of high achieving children get lots of As at A level I would be surprised. The results show that maintained schools do get the majority of children with As so no-one should be smug about a child doing well in a very good comprehensive where there are good teachers and high ability children with parental support! Pleased, proud and happy, yes.