Would you consider a private secondary school with only 30% A*/A grades at GCSE and A Level?

[ftangftangolebiscuitbarrel]

DS is only 8, but I am thinking of Year 7 already and am looking at through schools, so that he can join a prep in Year 5 and go up to the main school.

There are a number of options near us. The nearest school's latest published results are (as in the title) 30% A*/A grades for GCSE and again at A level.

DS is bright but lazy. He can show brilliance at NVR, maths and his reading age is nearly 12. However, his Literacy (writing stories, comprehension etc) is poor (only because he's bone idle, let's be honest) and I suspect he coasts along in Humanities.

I'm worried that a school with a lower quota of top grades will allow him to coast along through his external examinations. I think he might do better at an alternative school where the cohort gets 45-50% top grades.

Do I consider the local school where he will have friends dropping in at home, or do I send him further away so that he can reach his full potential? It's a hard one. His current school is academically excellent, but it's 20 miles away and we're feeling a bit isolated, especially as his classmates talk about what they get up to after school / at weekends, but that's because they only live about 5 miles away from each other.

We relocated - he was very popular at his last school, lots of local friends etc, so his isolation isn't because he's socially inept.

So, friends or A grades?

Do I gamble on the local school?

I've booked to look round and I'm sure they'll give me the spiel about how great they are, but at the end of the day, 7 out of 10 of them get B grades or less.

Has anyone else had to make a similar choice?

You're absolutely spot on, millymollymama - I suspect that the current distance between our home and DS's school might be a barrier. It's 20 miles to the school, sometimes a good 40 min drive to one of his friends whose mum offered to ask him round over the summer but then never did (we had her son for a sleepover, we had another boy from his class, but again, promises but no reciprocal invitation, even though it seems to be me who does all the ferrying and driving).

After school he has swimming (20 mins away), local cubs as well as two school after school activities.

I'm thinking that if we move him to a more local school (ie 10 mins away, 7 miles or thereabouts), I'm hoping that school friends will be more likely to come to our house and vice versa.

Although it's a risk. What if he doesn't settle there either?

To be honest, I think he just wants to go back to his old school. Which is 200 miles away and not an option.

I would at least look at the more local school to see if it will meet your needs regarding his education and a future school at 11 or 13. If he is not leaving friends behind at the school 20 miles away, I would be tempted to think a change may work. It is sad he has not found his niche at his school. Could the new school meet his needs and destination requirements for senior school?

We lived 10 miles from DDs prep school but in a northerly direction. Nearly everyone else was not in our area. You may also find at this age, that parents effectively control friendships due to transport and an easy life! I had to work pretty hard with the invites. Mostly parents reciprocated but a few were really only happy to have DD to theirs so I had the 1 hr 15 minute round trip to pick her up. They didn't want to pick up from our house as we were too "remote". She did make friends though and she left her other school at the end of yr 3, so a similar age to your DS.

Will do, Millymollymama - I'll look into both the local options. One of them is single sex, so I'm a bit .

You could be right about the mums. I haven't settled either and I worry that DS has picked up the vibes from me. I've felt very judged by the other mums because I don't drive a 4x4, we don't hunt and we haven't lived here for 400 million years. I don't look like a Vogue model and wearing a Barbour and Dubarrys is too much of a cliche for me.

Current feeder/senior route is to a top league school which is mentioned on this website many times. We can afford the fees but I choose not to have a flashy car, however, I think (paranoid? I fear not) that they think we are the charity case. The local schools don't appear on this site.

The reason I chose the original school is because I wanted a co-ed HMC school with mixed day/boarding and current school seemed ideal on paper. I rejected the local schools because one is HMC but single sex and the other is not HMC (been burned before with a school that wasn't HMC).

I might start another thread - what are your views on single sex ed for boys?!!

My child's non selective state school is 40% A-A at GCSE and 50% A-A at A level so, no I wouldn't and I would be utterly nuts to pay fees for a bright child with no SEN in that circumstance but if the local schools were considerably worse or my child had needs which couldn't be met than that then yes I probably would if I felt they pushed children to their potential.

DD's non selective private schools attained 100% 5 GCSESs and 59% A*/A at GCSEs.

I don't know the A levels off the top of my head. But they'll be good.

So it can be done with a mixed cohort. I think I'd be asking why it isn't being done in the the school in question. There may be a reason.

Sadly, we don't live in an area where the local schools are decent competitors to the independent schools. You're looking at a 46% pass rate at GCSE.

Oh well.

"Sadly, we don't live in an area where the local schools are decent competitors to the independent schools. You're looking at a 46% pass rate at GCSE. "

46% pass rate at any grade?

"So it can be done with a mixed cohort. I think I'd be asking why it isn't being done in the the school in question. There may be a reason."

I would ask too. But we really mustn't forget that "mixed cohort" means different things in private and state schools.

DD's school has an ability spread 'in line with the national average'.

Certainly the vast majority of girls would come within the term 'middle ability' with smaller numbers at the high and low end.

There are certainly girls with SN.

For comparison it has a lower % of high ability students and a higher % of SN students than my nearest comp.

What % of low ability?

I sent my son to an independent secondary school which was non selective and very much run to the headteacher and owners rules. They didn't publish stats for example. There were a lot of children with extra needs such as dyslexia or,quite simply not academic.

There are a lot of super academic schools around us so this school sort of mopped up some of the less bright kids.

However....my ds is quite bright (very, maybe) and the school did very well by him. He gained an A*, six As and a couple of Bs. He went on to a sixth form college and excelled. Very few of his classmates did nearly as well which demonstrated that the school was good at getting the best out of each individual. He made lots of very nice friends he still sees.

Visit the school and try to speak to the children and if possible parents. However in your situation I would also look at weekly boarding if it is available.

ftang. Hi. For what it's worth, I don't think prep school age boys or girls care that much about being educated with each other unless you make it an issue. Did your DS plead to go to a co-ed school? I bet he didn't. My DD went to a girls' boarding prep and girls' boarding senior school. She is very well adjusted regarding boys!!! What problems do you think can arise if a child is educated in a single sex school? I cannot think of one. They develop perfectly normal attitudes towards each other and at least there are no used condoms found on school premises.

I think the advantage of single sex can be that everything is set up for each sex to thrive and pupils are understood and encouraged by the school staff. If you are honest, what girl friends does your DS have at school and is he even remotely interested in them? Girls and boys tend to separate out as they get older and each pursue their own interests. What sports do they play together at prep school? Do all the boys do dance? As teenagers, they find ways to meet.

Your description of the parents is very "county". I totally get who they are though being a big fan of NH and point to point racing myself! Keep being true to yourself. Your can't join them as they belong to a "club" which is pretty impenetrable. It always amuses me that people say class" is dead but you only have to read your description to know that some people are steadfastly rooted to their tribe. Surely there is a good smattering of Porches and Aston Martins turning up at the school??? My neighbour's DS went to Eton and they always had an old banger! Now where did I put my Le Chameau boots?

millymolly - you're not the wife of a housemaster, are you? The neighbour sounds familiar

But you've answered my question. Even though *stealthboastalert" sorry - but need to put things into context - my kids have got trust funds, DH is banking the money so that we're set up for life in 2 years time, even though there are titles on both sides of the family and one side goes back to 1362, even though we could buy two X5s tomorrow and go skiiing if we chose to, we'll never fit into THEIR county, so I might as well fuck off right now.

We'll see how next term pans out. I'll visit both local (town) schools and see what their culture is like.

Failing that, I think I might want to move back home

46% A-C Bertrand*

There IS an Aston Martin in the car park. The dad won't let his son's friends sit in it, which I think is rather mean spirited.

Quite a few Porsche 4x4s as well.

Oh arse. Just thinking about them is making me dread the beginning of term. I think I've made a terrible, terrible mistake.

Here's an example:

We joined mid term and one child had a birthday party and had invited the whole class. The teacher asked the mum if DS could be invited too, which he was, and we went along. I stayed so that I could get to know some of the mums/dads. I spent over 30 mins talking to one Dad - who then proceeded to blank me every time he saw me thereafter. At parents evening, I came out of the classroom and saw him & wife sitting waiting to go in - I said "Hello, how are you?" and they both stared fixedly, straight ahead. He's even sat in my own kitchen at DS's own birthday party blanking me, but talking to other mums. That is rude. Just rude.

At the same party, another mum was very rude to one of my friends from the old school who had come down. Friend asked mum where she lived. Mum said "If you're not from round here, there's no point telling you." Friend was very upset about that.

Fuckit. I'm booking these visits now.

The sad thing, is that DS's school itself is lovely, the teachers are great, he's doing well academically. But he is excluded from friendship groups and so am I.

No, not the wife of a housemaster. I am, however, very good at spotting "tribes".

I didn't mean to imply you were not well off. Frankly anyone who can afford a boarding school for children is unlikely to be poor! I fit into the "anyone who is not in a tribe" bracket! We tend to find each other through being excluded. My other DD was desperately keen to go to a boarding school because she had been excluded from parties and friendship groups for years. Not because of hunting, shooting and fishing, but I think because we were slightly older parents and did, in fact, have all the things the others were aspiring to, in a monetary sense. We never realised these things could put your child on the outside. We were not in the "I need to get a bigger house/better car/better job/designer handbag" tribe. We have also talked to parents at events and at the next one we have obviously become invisible and of utterly no interest whatsoever because the "tribe" is now fully present. I think you have been unlucky not to find a few parents like you. All this stuff wears you down and in the end you just want your child to have friends and be happy and that you feel welcome.

Go have a look at the other school. You will forfeit a term's fees if you move now but that might be a small price to pay. Also, get really good advice on senior schools. You do not want to be in this position again.

It's alright - I didn't think you were implying that!

But it's interesting, and this thread has been very therapeutic and eye opening for me - but I've always downplayed everything. And where we lived before, everyone knew me and I didn't have to explain anything.

So now I'm thinking that I've downplayed it too well - it didn't help that I was rear-ended 2 weeks after moving here and the insurance company gave me the shittest crapmobile whilst my car took 6 weeks to be repaired. So I'm now thinking that the mums thought the shitmobile was my first car, and then I upgraded to the not particularly flashy nor new car that is my real car.

Argh. Anyway, your last post was very poignant and I'm grateful that you wrote it. I recognise a few issues tht you mentioned, ie not being useful enough for them to be friends with.

Ah me. Roll on next term and the gin you're a

Thank you. No-one has said that about my posts before! Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

20 miles is no problem. Stick at it. Some of the parents sound awful but do you really have to socialise with them. I never have and there's no need to. You don't need a school to find friends.

True, Janet, but no-one likes feeling unwanted and an outsider. It is an unleasant feeling if you are naturally more gregarious, it feels horrible to be excluded.

"20 miles is no problem. Stick at it. Some of the parents sound awful but do you really have to socialise with them. I never have and there's no need to. You don't need a school to find friends."

Well, no. But your child does. Would you really stick at a school where it was impossible for your child to have friends round because of a)distance and b) unfriendly parents?

Some of my children have been more than happy not to have friends round to play actually. It just depends on the personality of the child.
Also my child who was at Haberdashers was quite far from where we lived and that worked out fine. In fact the school tried to put children who lived near each other in the same class group and the children got school coaches to school. I am just saying a distance is not necessarily a problem.

It sounds like the big error was moving 200 miles when the mother and child did not want to presumably to follow some big man's career into some god forsake part of the world with snobby posh people and schools with very low exam results. I hope the extra pay rise was worth that. Children often have fewer opportunities in the countryside sadly although the parents get a chance to look at cows and be snobby to each other I suppose.

And the ones who went NLCS?

? Some people keep track..... One was at Habs and one at NLCS. Both took a school coach to school. I don't remember if NLCS put girls living in similar areas in the same classes.