Boffin, is it that cut and dried? I don't disagree that there has been an increase in American style funding, not just for facilities but also to meet Government demands for bursary funding. (Perhaps better this than riase fees and exclude those stuggling to pay.) Lots of new Development Office appointments. I think I commented on a different thread that one or two London Heads can appear "blinded by the bling".
I also don't disagree that some fundraising has been pretty ham-fisted, giving a clear sense of them and us. Observation suggests that winning a place at a very selective London girls school is hard enough, but the real challenge is to then receive an invitation to dinner with the Head, and thus clear bragging rights in H. Holle type circles. Or another school which had a hugely expensive fundraising dinner where ordinary parents were only invited at the last minute when the fundraising committee failed to sell enough tickets. Teachers gifts too can be extraordinary (as in worth over a £1000 for an ordinary subject teacher from an individual child, luckily a child sensible enough to include the receipt!), and only one of the three schools DC have attended has provided parents with guidance.
Other schools, though, are far more discrete, with parent committee roles being clearly defined as not to have either a school fundraising role nor any influence on school policy.
That said both DC, and our, aim has been to steer clear of the Senior Management Team as much as possible, assuming that in all schools a large proportion of their time is spent on a small proportion of children, and DC don't want to be one of "those" children. (Ditto with the bursar. I met the Prep one for the first time as we were coming to the end of 10 years at the school and he suggested it was a complement that he did not know our names.) What matters is what happens in the classroom, and teachers generally seem to prefer (perhaps the wrong word) children who are engaged and who contribute constructively, and being on first name terms with the Head probably does not carry much weight. I would much prefer to go to parents evening and be warmly greeted by teachers who have nice things to say about your child, than to receive that greeting from the Head and something more lukewarm from individual teachers.
Indeed part of the problem seems to be an expectation that donations buy you something, when in Britain they don't always. (The Ivies have legacy applications, Oxbridge does not.)