Y8 DD being read sexually explicit fiction

[Cabbagesandcustard]

A very dominant thick girl in my Y8 DD's class has got hold of a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey and has been reading it out loud to classmates at school, during break and lunchtimes. I'm pretty relaxed about sexual stuff in general and realise that we were all sniggering at Judy Blume's "Forever" at a similar age back in the 80s - but I'm less than thrilled at the idea my 13 year old being exposed to BDSM at school (as, I'm sure, are the parents of many other class members who are strictly religious - it's an all girls school with a very high proportion of ethnic minority students).
Should I speak to the Head of Year or am I overreacting?

Hmm. No I really really do think that this is about boundaries and adults needing to step up and be the bad guy. 13 is a dreadful age for peer pressure, bullying and feeling the need to conform. If your 13 yr old is confident enough to walk away when made uncomfortable by what friends are doing, brilliant. But most 13 yr olds are not. And the fetishistion of sex and objectification of women is so utterly rife nowadays that I think it's not enough to have a conversation about what's bad about 50sog. No, most boys are not going to suggest getting into a serious bdsm relationship. But lots of young people are surrounded by - and internalising - the message that anal sex is normal/expected, that girls bodies exist for mens pleasure etc. I think in this context it is actually really important that parents make it clear through action - not just conversation - that some things are not age appropriate and not 'the norm'. That doesn't mean blinding oneself to the reality that children are going to be exposed to these things. But at 13 it is entirely reasonable for a child to want/need/expect their parent to 'protect' them when they feel uneasy. And knowing that their parent will do this on their behalf is - I believe - comforting. And I do think that saying 'it's happening anyway, leave it be' is irresponsible. 13 is still very very young.

Sounds awful, but it's probably not really that bad. I'm sure if I'd read it at that age most of it would have gone over my head (without realising that I didn't understand it iyswim.)

As for 'got hold of a copy..' - not exactly difficult really is it? You can find them in every charity shop on the high street.
Sorry, but I think at that age kids should be able to read what they want.

Most 13 year old girls read much more sexually explicit publications than 50 Shades ( that is the ones that read!). The only thing I will say about the book is that it is easily the worst high profile book I have ever read. The grammar is awful, the content is bad and the twee words even worse. Most teenagers will only read it for the perceived 'shock' value and it really does not deliver.

In today's society, mild bondage and analysis sex is considered 'normal' among the younger generation, not so in the older generation. As gay sex is considered mainstream, it's no wonder heterosexual people are trying it.

If it's not your choice, fine, but it is considered pretty normal among people under 30.

Analysis = anal, I love predictive text

"Most 13 year old girls read much more sexually explicit publications than 50 Shades"

Really? Like what?

And I suspect you are very young or have no daughters if you think that the mainstreaming of BDSM and anal sex among the very young is a good idea.

Bertrand my daughter is adult!

I'm not allowed to put what my dil is into

Most 13 year olds read more explicit books that 50 shades? That must be one of the funniest things I have ever read on mumsnet

Is your dil 13?

Was I the only one not reading romantic fiction or crap like 50 shades at school?

no wonder I never fitted in

too busy reading horror stories and books about alien abduction and ghosts.

I think it's pretty hard to censor kids reading at secondary isn't it? they are in town on their own with access to libraries both in and out if school

Giles I read everything I could find so yy I read Forever but also mysteries, science fiction, poetry, historical novels, ghost stories, books on lateral thinking, etc. I wouldn't have said romantic fiction was my mainstay at all and I still haven't read Flowers in the Attic despite my DM having the full series

I know my parents tried to censor what I watched (both on TV and in the theatre - my DF was horrified that The Crucible might have naked people having sex on stage ) but I don't remember them policing what I read in the same way, maybe because they realised I could read wherever I wanted and it was an impossible battle to win or possibly because I didn't go home and tell them that everyone was reading Forever at lunchtime.

Since the OP's DD did tell her about 50 Shades, I wonder what response her DD was expecting. Maybe she was wanting to provoke a conversation about relationships; maybe it was just a passing comment; maybe it was an attempt to get the OP to go into school and get it banned? I don't know but I do think that's relevant to how the OP should respond too.

Same as aplace I read anything I could get my hands on, even if with shite like mills and boon or stuff that well written did not appeal ( Dickens) I had to force my way through a few chapters to justify my opinion that in the absence of anything else I'd still rather re- read something else. So obviously that covered every variety at some point or other.
Another point with not imposing strict boundaries is that it gives them the kudos to be able to say no without being labeled as goody goody by peers. Nobody gave my daughter grief when a friends parent put grey friars Bobby on, and she refused to watch further, because they all know that to some extent she gets more freedom than many in terms of age appropriate media. But I do remember another child getting grief when they found a similar thing upsetting because they were labeled a baby who only ever watched baby stuff.