Grammar vs Private - your thoughts please......

[Confusedpersonified]

If you had the choice between a place at a leading independent school with a scholarship and a top grammar school, which would you choose and why? Fees affordable but not insignificant.

Completely pointless question -in North Yorkshire, you would go for the state school, but in London, the independent.

Why pointless *DoughDoe? Many of the comments on this thread have been very useful (including yours regarding location).

I don't think you need to name the schools.

Grammars usually extremely pressured academically, independents not so with more emphasis on 'roundedness'.

We were in the same situation not so long ago and opted to go private. It was an extremely difficult decision as both are excellent schools (but neither is perfect).

For us, it came down to the following: 1) Pastoral care (we thought the private school would be better able to accommodate the needs of our shy, emotionally young DD), 2) fit and learning environment (we took considerable comfort in the thorough manner in which the private school evaluated applicants and also felt that it will likely provide a broader and deeper education) and 3) potential regrets (not really a substantive consideration but we felt we would likely regret giving up the private school place more than the grammar school place). Fees were of some concern but we came to the view that it would be worth it (we hope we're right!).

FWIW, we sought views from various people, which was helpful up to a point (most favoured the private school but some made a strong case for the grammar). In the end, we realised that no one else could decide for us - it was a choice we (including DD) had to make our own, using our best judgment (knowing also that others have gone in the other direction).

Good luck!

I'd do the best for my child and choose the one they will most happy at and do best at.

However, you might consider going private so that there is a chance someone that less fortunate can get access to the grammar .... but that's a long shot. The FSM figures at grammars aren't very "inclusive" round our way ...

"Grammars usually extremely pressured academically, independents not so"

That's an inaccurate generalisation.

Yes of course it is, I haven't done a degree in studying the differences. It is my opinion based on my own experience. Like everything on here.

I would probably opt for the grammar but only to save cash for a future house. My parents didn't pay for my secondary and instead bought me a place in London. I got a good education but the freedom the flexibility the apartment afforded me in terms of starting off in life was priceless.
If you can save the money instead for this type of thing I would recommend it. If there is little difference in the education.
One thing worth mentioning is that there is some positive discrimination towards state schools in some universities, I have heard.......nothing to back this up with though!

"some positive discrimination towards state schools"
Not for a top grammar school

Cretaceous - why do you believe "positive discrimination towards state schools" does not apply to a top grammar school? Are they seen as the equivalent of a top independent school?

We had the same issue for my son. The decision to opt for the independent school came down to geography, which in turn influenced my son's preference. Having the independent school within walking distance (rather than a 1 hour + bus ride) meant full participation in after-school clubs, better use of the library and ease of access getting to events/parents evening.

We were in exactly the same position. In the end it's come down to gut feeling (ours and DD) and we've gone for the private school. As for whether it's the right decision ask me again in 7 years!

OP I'm prepared to sound snipey, in the circumstances unlike a previous poster: I really can't believe that at this late stage you're actually hanging on to a premium grammar school place. The parent or parents of the child at the top of the waiting list may well not be in your comfortable financial position and the child itself is about to miss induction days etc. You've had months to resolve this one - don't you feel any social responsibility to hurry?! Fair enough to be dithering in late March, but not late June.

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Molio, I know children last year that changed their minds in August about where they wanted to go! They'd been too worried about messing their parents around yo mention it, but getting more and more distressed about their choice.
It's just impossible to recommend which way without knowing which schools! They are all so very different.

yellow maybe, but that isn't the case here and 11 year old kids probably can't be expected to understand the issues. Adults are different. Still, FWIW, I'd say go independent, now :)

Re. the universities and any positive discrimination, the offers universities make can be contextualised - in other words, they'd look at the average grades that pupils in the schools produce rather than broadly what type of school it is. So a child from a school with very low attainment, perhaps in a deprived area that sends few to top universities, might be offered lower grades. But a child from a very selective grammar school would not be - clearly it's mad to think that a mediocre private offers a more gilded education than a top grammar.

I would have always opted for the grammar, I think for both social and financial reasons, but our son didn't get into the ones round us but did get offers from pretty prestigious private schools (I think the sheer numbers trying for North London grammars makes them much tougher to get into). However, friends with a boy at QEB say on reflection, they think he'd have had a better, more rounded and less pressurised education at a good private.

Also yes, if you're still holding onto these places, please give one up now!

I agree about holding onto places. There would be no need for children and parents to be so anxious if people didn't insist in holding ont more than one offer. We had an offer of a state grammar and 2 independents and we had declined the two offers we didn't want within a week of receiving all the offers. Put yourself in the shoes of the children and parents who are currently sitting on a waiting list, it can't be a nice place to be.
Whether you should choose the independent or the grammar depends on individual factors - what would suit your child, which is easiest to get to, which one does your child prefer, which one offers the sports that your child will be interested in...nobody else can really answer those questions.

We were in the same situation four years ago a choice between one of the countries top 5 grammar schools or DS2's current school (with better results) the grammar was day, the independent was full boarding, the journey to the grammar was pretty grim and any money we saved by not paying fees was off set by the fact that I would have probably have to have given up my current job to drive 10 miles to meet the school bus twice a day, frankly I thought the grammar was a bit of an exam factory, boarding and DS2's school in particular offers a very broad curriculum with a very strong non examined section. The grammar is an excellent school but I have never regretted my choice we've only 1 year to go now and I also agree with the comment above I was also possibly freeing up a place for a family who were unable to afford school fees thus it felt like the right thing to do.

My daughter went to a grammar school - we pulled her after 2 years because there was not much else to it than academia. Sport was an after-thought and quite frequently cancelled because the teacher had a dental appointment. Don't start me on the music......... The girls were all bright, and the value-adding was NEGATIVE.

We moved her to a leading private school - what a difference. I would agree that the private school must be really good/well-known otherwise you're better off at the grammar.

Depends on the schools. The extra curricular being offered at the SS my DS is about to start at is phenomenal.

You have to consider yr individual childs needs vs the differences between the individual schools.

I also think it's is supremely selfish holding onto grammar places this late in the day. I know of one person doing it as "an insurance policy" who fully intends to take up an independent place and just not rock up at the grammar in September. I also know someone who is on the waiting list for that place, who can't afford private, and will be faced with buying uniform for her child, and the child starting at another school, before potentially being able to go to the school where the unwanted "insurance policy" place is being held. I think it's disgraceful.

"Cretaceous - why do you believe "positive discrimination towards state schools" does not apply to a top grammar school? Are they seen as the equivalent of a top independent school?"

there is a list of schools that unis will give a lower offer to.

High performing states - comps or grammars - do not feature.

Mysari - many thanks for your response. Policy seems fair.

With reference to holing up an offer from a Grammar school, the OP might just got the offer from the Grammar school, that is why they have now to choose between the Grammar and the independent. PP assumed that they have been holding to the grammar place for a long time, and this might not be so. Waiting list are moving all the time, with people declining offers from schools either State or private. Whatever school the OP decline, there will be movement in the waiting list, as some one will be offered the place decline by the OP.

Offers from grammar schools were issued on national offer day - 2nd April, so unless OP had received an offer during the second round of offers she will have known for a while. If she has received an offer during the 2nd round (from waiting list) then she should be even more sympathetic towards others still on the waiting list and accept/ decline ASAP.