poor kids in rich schools

[Kenlee]

I was rather disgusted with a parent from a so call rich school in HK saying that her child does not mix with the local plebs. Even if they attend the same school. "Scholarship should not be allowed. They should go to their own schools."

Thank goodness my DD is educated in the UK. Where having wealth is not seen as important but having good values is.

decent food for children is a major concern for all children. Especially the poor. HK has no provision for school meals. Although in Chinese society the parents would rather starve than let their children go hungrey.

My DH's cleaner would work three jobs to put her son through school. Eating only one bowl of rice a day. Which was left over by her son. We eventually persuaded her to allow us to pay for his fees. She would not accept our help at first. To this day she will still only eat that one bowl of rice. She is saving for her son's University fees and living expenses. She will not claim social security. She says that is for those that can not work.

Rabbit....I think you would hate Chinese communism. Where the late Deng Xiao Ping said " It is better to have the rich help the poor. Rather than everyone starve together" He also stated that " It does not matter what colour the cat is as long as it gets the job done"

It s not unheard of that some UK parents skip meals in order to provide enough food for their kids.
Kenlee, you may find the radio programme interesting. It s called The Educators.It s on Radio 4. You may be able to listen to it on a tablet or iPad.

"A quaint local school in the back waters of Surrey" - are you kidding?! You have posted fairly expensively in the past about your daughter's education in this country, including the actual school she is attending and it is far from local, quaint or in the back waters! In fact, i think all you post about is your daughter's education. i get that it is important to you but you come across as rather naive and somewhat starry-eyed about the UK and its class and education system.

unexpected . I do feel the British Education system is rather good actually. I do not find it navie to think that. I'm sure if it wasn't. There wouldn't be so many foreign students in the UK taking up their study there.

My daughters school is in a quiet leafy suburb of the Surrey countryside far enough away from London but close enough to the airport. If that is not in the back waters of Surrey then what is the black forest?

hmm the class system in the UK. Yes you have one but they tend less to overtly shove it down your throat. In fact they are some what over pleasant. I'm sure there are your rich and your poor. Howeve be they rich or poor in the UK. We find most are very friendly to foreigners.

Yes I am proud my daughter had at last found her feet. I tigered her to near death in HK. It didn't work. I'm glad we got that phase well out of the way. So I'm very happy with her school and the way they teach.

kenlee I'm delighted you find the British friendly to foreigners. I worry that I am increasingly hearing and seeing significant hostility to foreigners from all countries, this is encouraged by the likes of UKIP, the DM. I fear that this is a move away from the tolerance of all that was very much encouraged when I was a child.

Kenlee - I entirely agree with you, I don't think I would like Chinese Communism, whether the Hong Kong or the mainland variety. 16% tax, however, is not a high tax rate. Also, I don't actually believe you that nobody tries to avoid it.

Rabbit....I should stand corrected the majority will pay. You will always get a few who will try not too.

kenlee
Just out of curiosity why did you tiger your DD to near death? No wonder she hated school work.

My mum passed her 11 plus and went to a grammar school. Some of the pupils and teachers made it clear that to her that they looked down on her, because she came from a very poor working class area.
A friend is at a top Oxford College on a scholarship. She has told me she wishes sometimes she went to an ordinary university because of the snobbishness she has experienced. She is obviously working class, very bright, but gets lots of negative comments about her poor background.

hardboiled I sometimes ponder that question myself. I wasted 3 good years in which we could have chilled and had fun. I suppose at the time I felt it was the right thing to do. Now I look back and regret it. If like Cher we could turn back time. I would do it so very differently.

So to be honest hardboiled I can not answer your question.

Kenlee thank you for a very honest answer

lucy in what way is your friend "obviously working class?" How do her colleagues know she's from a poor background? Why discuss your back ground with even friends and certainly colleagues? As they saying goes "the past is foreign country, they do things differently there". I never discuss my back ground with colleagues not because there's anything right or wrong with it simply because I don't see it of any interest to anyone I work with. I with people from very diverse back grounds and have a colleague whose always banging on about her very working class childhood, she's now 40+ no one cares or is remotely interested about her upbringing

"I suppose at the time I felt it was the right thing to do. Now I look back and regret it. If like Cher we could turn back time. I would do it so."
Don't best yourself up Kenlee you unlike many recognised the error of your ways and children are remarkably resilient. You come across as a dedicated caring parent, that's what children need more than anything else.

Her accent for a start, she has cheap clothes as she has little money, hasn't got the money to do the social activities a lot of her classmates have, and didn't at first understand some of the terms classmates were using when referring to common public school traditions/terms, hasn't had the expensive life experiences many of her classmates have had.
You don't need to discuss your background. If the difference isn't too vast, no one will notice. If you are from a very poor background, and the people you are mixing with all went to public school, you don't need to discuss your background, it is just obvious.

What I find saddest though, is that she has rich students being snobbish to her and taking the piss out of her, when in reality, she is probably way brighter and more academically gifted than they are. You don't get a scholarship to top Oxford college, from a very poor background, without being very academically gifted.

I went to a private school in Manhattan (through a scholorship). Some people made it very clear to me that they thought they were 'above' me.
We weren't poor,just average I guess. My parents both had normal regular jobs.

And it is ridiculous to think that children and students can't figure out who is poor and who is rich.

lucymam
How do you mean a scholarship to Oxford Uni?

And FWIW friends who went to Oxford from non well off households just picked their friendship groups to exclude the snobs - its a huge place with lots of 'normal' people.

It's very sad lucy that your friend has been treated this badly. You would hope that in 2015 this sort of thing isn't happening. I obviously know lots from public schools I hope few would behave like this in fact a couple I know were keen to live with "normal" people at university's and choose their accommodation accordingly.

Talkin - She has a scholarship that pays all her fees. I don't know the details, I do know she had to sit exams to get it.

I am so sorry Lucy for your friend and for anyone else that has been treated badly by anyone. Although I do take quite a perverse pleasure in knowing that the ones who really put on the airs of snobbery. Tend to be the ones with the least amount of money. Their aim seems to be to divert attention from their own lack of resources. Do you really need a friend like that?

Take heart the really really rich don't care. The snobs are just trying to play Lords and Ladies. The real Lords and ladies try to hide it to fit in the best they can.

Look for the friendly ones keep away from the snobs. DH often says if they behave like snobs they often are slobs. waste of space. Never hire them even if you know the parents. They will never get any work done.

My DS reports that there is little social snobbery at his school, there are some incredibly rich parents and the occasional bit of social snobbery of course but those boys are generally disliked by all.
I always thing social snobbery and reverse social snobbery is about a general fear of being inferior on part of the person doing it. Maybe if your friend Lucy is sadly experiencing this but it also very bright this is cause academic inferiority on the part of those being unkind.

lucymam - that is such a shame. It wasn't my experience of Oxford - or at least, it was and it wasn't. I met some crashing snobs outside of my own college, and a tiny minority of colleges had a reputation for attracting them (!), but I also met plenty of people (a very big majority of people) who were lovely. I certainly didn't have any problem meeting people who were not from public or private schools. And from those I met who were publicly educated, some were snobs (as were some from all other types of school), some were socially lazy rather than deliberately snobby (which is easily done if you've gone on to the same university as half your year group, rather than being a sole representative of your school!), some had an unfortunate manner that took a bit of getting used to or that wore off when they realised they couldn't take the background of the person they were talking to for granted, and some were, of course, just nice people and neither you nor they cared or could guess at their educational or family background.

Lucy - I hadn't realised it was possible to still get scholarships to Oxford. Did she take an exam for a particular college?

dapple
I looked up after Lucy's post : there are quite a few bursaries and scholarships by subject / college / ethnicity that cover all combinations of fees and maintenance
most are not examined though