Private school - extra costs

[Dilbertdoes]

My DD is currently at state secondary. We are in a difficult financial situation, indefinitely. She's taken the 13+ exam at a private boarding school that would really suit her and has been offered a scholarship and a big bursary, so we would have to pay almost no school fees. This is a great opportunity for her, but I've read a few things on MN warning about all the "extras" of private school. Does anyone have any guidance on what kind of extras we would be likely to come across, to what extent we could get away with her not having the extras, and the kind of costs involved? I appreciate that all schools are different, but it would be great to get some ballpark guidance before I decide whether to discuss this issue with the school. I'd obviously prefer not to have to.

[RandomFriend]

Congratulations to your DD on getting a place and a bursary.

At DS's school, most of the things that are compulsory are included in the fees. The extras we pay are music lessons and extra languages, which together add around £600 per term.

There are also little things, such as the account at the local shop. He has been on some optional trips costing around £600; but not on the ones that cost more than that.

The uniform (two or three sets, plus the fancywear and sports stuff) was quite an outlay at the beginning - over £1000 - but since then we have hardly spent anything on DS's clothes. That might be different for a girl.

Second-hand uniform will be available and fine but you might want to get the new sports stuff if you can.

Don't be shy to ask the school about these things, the staff will understand and I would expect them to want to help you. Some of the other parents will be very wealthy indeed, but I am quite sure that they will be very welcoming.

[Gracegrapecherry]

The uniform is very expensive and the trips - you cant miss them, not when all the other people are going to go!

[Kenlee]

Actually all the other Mums were telling me they get their uniform from the second hand shop at school. So it need not be expensive. We did buy a new uniform for our DD. However if she loses any or if any is stolen. She will then goto the second hand shop to replace.

I think most schools are aware that school trips are expensive. Again most schools provide a few options for all the kids to participate in. So there is the expensive MFL trip 600GBP or the Shakespeare trip which is considerably cheaper. My nephew never went on the MFL trip as one of his mates could not affOrd it. So they were happy on the local trips. It not where You go sometimes but who you are with.

[Dilbertdoes]

Gracegrape - I don't really understand how you can say "you can't miss" the trips because "all the other people are going to go". If you can't afford the trips, then you simply have to miss them?

[stealthsquiggle]

Trips you can't miss? that's nonsense. As many many other people have said, a minority of DC go on the big expensive trips. There may be day trips, theatre trips and the like, but it would be entirely reasonable to ask the school how much these would amount to. Someone said earlier - look at school reports/ magazines /photos on walls - you are typically looking at 20-30 DC from a group of maybe 200 who would have been eligible to go.

[SansaUndercover]

I don't think it's been mentioned yet, but many private schools charge parents for the public exams your child sits. I assume some private schools might include this in a bursary/scholarship cost, but if they don't, GCSEs cost about £30-50 and A-levels usually cost about £80, but some can cost more than £100. This means you could easily end up spending £800 or so on exams over 3 years. If this would be a stretch for you, then it's probably something you should discuss with the school before you accept the place.

Most other bills I would think you could reduce e.g. by going on less trips, buying second hand uniform, not doing extra activities, but you couldn't not pay for exam papers.

[ChocolateWombat]

Before signing up for a school, I would ask for a list of forthcoming trips with costings and details of extra curricular costs, along with an idea of how many are involved in each.
My at DS is an a Prep and when we asked, they were able to hand us that information immediately - it is clearly asked for frequently.
And most independent secondaries publish a 2 year ahead list of residential trips - it's so that parents know everything coming up and so can choose which to send their kids on. Of course, some will choose a residential trip almost every school holiday, but most won't.

I think that if you are going to independent school, you do need to be able to join in some extra curricular activities. There will usually be lots of included ones, but having the money for residential trips which really are part of the curriculum (and these will be few and far between) is good too. There will be a decent number of children who don't go on expensive residential sports tours to Barbados and the like.

And if you are going to send your child to an independent school, it is important too, that you and the child are not overwhelmed by a sense of others' wealth or feelings of inferiority about yourself, or the fact your child won't do every activity under the sun. Your child will be there through having earned their place. The vast majority of children and parents will react to the child and yourself without consideration of your wealth or lack of it. As a parent and as a child, you need to react like that too....don't feel like a second class citizen. Don't Be jealous of what others have. If you are the kind of person who will spend their time feeling worried that others have more or concerned about children coming to your home and thinking it is small or that your child hasn't got the latest electronic gadget or holiday to the Caribbean, then don't take the scholarship. If you know your own self worth and that of your child and don't get your own senses of value from monetary things,then go for it.

[LIZS]

To give you an idea dd hasn't been on any residential trips in her first 2 1/2 years and ds on only 1 in 4 years. Neither are sporty and the music tours have been for the more elite only so far. They have introduced a short trip to Paris in first year but that is optional and clashes with ski trip and all are in the holidays. None of the language trips so far have been for her options/year , sadly. Both have done several cocurricular day trips to theatre, conferences, outdoor activities, theme parks but these tend to cost max £50 each and are only 2/3 per year.

[Antonia2549]

I would like to hear from anyone who has the same issues as myself.

Although until recently he paid the school fees......
The court consent order states the ex is responsible for paying 'school related reasonable extras'. The ex. will not disclose to me what he considers as responsible extra therefore avoids paying.

My Solicitor and Barrister haven't been helpful with this at all.

Since our divorce in 201 I have had to pay for uniform, meals, school transport, stationary, extra tuition and clubs, trips and so on.

Has anyone gone back to court for clarification regarding this?

I would appreciate your experience or advise.

Antonia

[MrsMontgomerySmythe]

Just kitted out my DS this week for a return to boarding school.

Some items have to be from the uniform shop but others such as trousers, shirts etc I get M and S.

Even the branded stuff is reasonable. £5 for a games Tshirt
£15 for a rugby top.

They are also limited on how many change of "evening/weekend" clothes they can bring. So I find he has a lot less clothes than his older brother which is a saving.

Our school systematically asks permission for any weekend or school trip which costs over £20.

All stationary and books are included.

DS plays an instrument which is around 270£ per term. But musical instrument lessons are optional.

All in all his extras are very reasonable.

[MrsMontgomerySmythe]

Just spotted this was an old thread

However I can help PP as I went to court for exactly that reason. And won! I could prove the private school was in DS best interests (he has SEN) and the court ordered my ex to pay half. Our divorce had almost identical wording to yours.

He can also afford the fees very easily (owns numerous properties, own business etc) so that played a role.

[Dilan1967]

Is it normal to pay for exam textbooks at boarding school in england ?

[LIZS]

Not boarding but yes some books have been charged.

[ifonly4]

Yes, we pay for them, also things like housekeeping, any trips which aren't part of curriculum (ie she went on a theatre trip). We were originally charged for taxi fares getting her to venues in connection with her scholarship, but school now pay these as part of scholarship. We're on a scholarship and substantial bursary which covers all school uniform and laptop.

[hertsandessex]

I think depends hugely on the school and the interests of your child. I have one child at private school where extras are about £50/term and another at a state school with lots of trips and music so probably paying almost extra 2k/year every year.

[laptopdisaster]

When my daughter started at private primary I kitted her out at the second hand sale for £150. would have cost about £500 new. Now in year 4, the (new to the kit list - so no 2nd hand available) tracksuit costs £83 for top and bottom.