Starting Year 13 (number 4!)

[Mindgone]

I just thought I'd get us started up again!

Ah but those 10 babies would have to get through Year 13 at some point Horsemad

Some tutors are happy to skype their pupils which cuts down on time/travelling and can also save money. And your ds wouldn't even have to get out of bed, just needs to have a laptop and be awake.

Does he have an exam timetable yet? Dd only has three papers to sit and they are on 10, 11, 15 June. So that's three whole months of revision time which is quite a long time if managed right.

They also get two weeks off at Easter and one week at half term. Even if he doesn't stick to a timetable, it's worth making one to see if he can actually fit in everything he wants to work on in the timescale.

Fingers crossed that he works like mad now x

Horsemad, I've just realised that your DS is doing 4 subjects! Does he need to do 4, and if not, wouldn't he be better to drop one now?

Good Evening Everyone Today has been very quiet - I felt shattered after yesterday! Spoke to school and they have agreed DS ought to attend lunchtime classes and they will let us know if he doesn't. They are very concerned about his 'it will all be ok' attitude. He's also having extra Chem tuition and we've mapped out a revision schedule with him. It's a bit pathetic, having to babysit him through revision, but if that's what it takes to get the grades up, then I'll do it.
I don't care if he opts out of going to uni but he really needs to get good A levels now and then he's got them if he chooses to go to uni at a later date.

Mindgone - he got C in Chem at AS. Was predicted A when he entered 6th Form.
He's doing Further Maths which he doesn't need for uni but it contains modules he can easily do to gain extra marks towards his Maths.
He's also doing AS re-sits to bump up his grades from last year - he certainly knows how to create extra work for himself, this one

This is quite helpful.

www.studyskills.soton.ac.uk/studytips/exams.htm

I like that article Littleham. Thanks!

Littleham your so resourceful I'm knicking the link too is very useful over this end aswell.

horsemad I was just looking at your ds subjects he's doing further maths he's got to be super bright. At dd school only 10 in her year could take FM as it's really hard and the maths dept selected them. Bet its even more frustrating to see him waste away his intelligence where he could if he wanted put it into good use to further his career. I'm wondering wether his poor results was due to him being distracted? girlfriend, parties etc. Or he's generally de motivated. But it's good you do so much to help him with tutor and revision time tables at least he can't blame you in the future that you didn't support him. You have done way above and beyond for him. Hope he appreciates it one day. I do hope you get him back on track he's obviously blessed with intelligence just needs a good mentor think that might be you

Great link Littleham, will pass it on to both my dcs (A levels and GCSEs here).

Although this bit might need updating:

Record yourself on cassette reading key points of your notes aloud, then listen to the tape afterwards

The singing one is particularly good fun. You can get some funny looks in the car.

Abba songs work well with girls!

(Mama Mia tune)
Henry Tudor, in 1509
gets Cate how can she resist him?

Henry Tudor, in 1533, dumps Cate
yes she's goin to miss him

Oh she's been broken hearted
Blue since the day they parted.....

The long journeys must just fly by

Horsemad - I sympathise but I don't think there is anything you can do to make any difference so you may as well save your energies and sanity and step back. It really does have to come from him. If, in the very unlikely event that all your efforts made a difference where would that leave him? With decent grades, but still without the ability to self motivate. It may be better to leave him to sink or swim this year (and it sounds like he will sink to be honest with the attitude you describe). If he bombs his A2s it might give him the kick he needs to redo the year? If you have to babysit him through his A2s he would flounder at uni if you weren't there to hold his hand.

I sympathise because I wore myself out doing similar to you with DS1 from year 11 to year 13. With hindsight, nothing I did or said, the endless discussions with teachers etc made a blind bit of difference. He's so intelligent but left school with 2 A levels (D and E) and 2 AS levels (D and E), faffed around for a year but is now knuckling down to a job. It's a pretty basic job but he is starting to display some good attitudes and an excellent work ethic.

I tell myself it's not because of something I did or didn't do because DS2, who has had the same upbringing, has a brilliant work ethic and is predicted As at A2.

Worth giving it one last shot though. You never know, he may have had enough of a shock to make a difference. Just make sure you plan some nice treats for yourself Horsemad.

(sorry about the cassette, didn't notice how old it was).

stonecircleyour post sent me back all those years ago with my dd also intelligent but got crap grades, her downfall was her attitude she blamed everybody else but never herself. It was always somebody elses fault. Being popular at school didn't help she was the life and soul of the group Thank goodness she didn't corrupt any of her friends they all did end up going to uni. We just had enough of it let her learn the hard way. If her bad grades were down to unhappiness or down to the needing more words of encouragement maybe from lack of confidence we would have been alot more helpful but her immature attitude did it for us. Now shes older having to manage everything herself and go through hardship and putting up with her own staffs attitudes and slackers I think she has had a bit of her own medicine and now she has alot more empathy and knows the importance of good work ethics. She no longer the black sheep or the but of all examples of how not to be at 6th form. The one good thing even though she was a pain to deal with was she never got into drugs, smoking and alcohol. It was all makeup hair and shopping!

Polka, no girlfriend, he never goes out but is continually attached to phone/pc. That will change from now!

stonecircle, if he doesn't pick up now then he's going to have a rude awakening. DH has said he will not be allowed to sit round the house all day if he doesn't get to uni; he will be expected to be out looking for work. I will not be putting myself out after this last ditch effort, that's for sure.

Littleham, I am going to let my hair down and go maaaad when these exams are over!

horsemad Does he play computer games like Xbox, gawd I detest those boxes. I have nephews that spend nearly their entire life on Xbox live, they never sleep, forget to eat, have no concept of time and when they've got their head sets on they have verbal diarrhoea! Plus they have very short fuses get worked up really easily I'm sure it's the games that they play thats causing it. And not suprisingly their grades are shocking.

Computer games on PC polka. He can be exactly as you describe: if I had my way I'd ban them forever. They are the scourge of modern society
We also have Xbox, (DS2 uses that way too much) so that has been removed too.

They obviously can't police themselves, and I cannot stand by and do nothing.

Ds (doing gcses) doesn't have x box thankfully but does have a PS3. I've already told him that when he goes on study leave, all his electricals are coming to work with me each day so that he can get on and revise. He can have them back in the evening after I've tested him

Horsemad, I think that trying to be positive about his action plan from now on might give hima better mindset than the impending doom scenarios. He needs to believe he can do it!

He needs to get the specifications for each subject from the internet, and revise to them.
Make a big list of all the past papers for each subject over the last few years, and write the date that he does them and the mark. After he has done each one and marked it, he needs to go over it again, making sure he knows why he got things right, and where he went wrong, and re revise those bits.
DS1 found it helpful to write down things that he had just learnt again and again so that he knew that he knew it.
Small revision cards are great for things that have to be learnt by heart, and put in pockets for learning on the go, or stuck to walls. We still have one with a chemical formula on on the bathroom wall, opposite the loo!
And ask teachers if there is anything he doesn't understand at all.
All electronic gadgets saved for breaks, including phones!

Ok, there are my practical tips. I think he has it in himself to do it. He just needs to locate it, get it out, and stick a firework under it!
Best of luck, do let us know how he gets on.

DH has said he will not be allowed to sit round the house all day if he doesn't get to uni; he will be expected to be out looking for work.

And what will DH do if DS does just sit around the house all day Horsemad? Put him out on the streets? Find a job for him and drag him there by his ear? I find it's best not to make sweeping threats that DCs know won't be followed through. If you make threats like that and go on about things too much it just becomes meaningless background noise - always there and easily blanked out.

X-box was, I am quite sure my DS1's downfall. DS2 has never really been into gaming - much prefers to be out on the rugby pitch. But you can't turn them into something they are not sadly.

I know backing off is easier said than done, and, I was, at the stage your DS is at, incapable of following the advice I am giving now. But I would guarantee that, if he does turn things around over the next few months (and that's a big ask at this stage) it will be because he has decided to - not because of anything you've done.

There is always the concern as well that, whatever the outward appearance of bravado/nonchalance, they are eaten up with fear and just don't know how to cope. I will never forget shouting at my very placid DS1 who never seemed to respond to any of my 'advice' and him turning away from me with tears in his eyes. He clearly felt deeply unhappy about his predicament, just couldn't fit into the mould I was trying to force him into. He's a much happier person since I backed off and let him find his own way.

Taking away his X Box & technology is a really good idea and will make a difference. It is just so addictive although am being a complete hypocrite by typing away on MN

I was once compared to Hitler by one of my dc's friends because we don't have an X Box or Play station. A bit of an extreme comparison I think, but it does show how quickly all children have acquired these things. I bought a Raspberry Pi instead. Even phones have games, so it is difficult to keep it all at bay.

I don't agree Littleham. Taking away his x box is worth a try and MAY make a difference. But you can take a horse to water etc. It's unlikely that the removal of technology is going to make Horsemad's ds knuckle down and work. My DS1 spent many an hour in the library with his gf (no doubt gazing adoringly at her while she worked for her straight A*s) or with a book propped up in front of him when his x box controllers had been removed (yet again). But he just didn't apply himself. Horsemad's ds sounds very strong-willed and may dig his heels in even more - I don't think there's much to be gained from treating an 18/near 18 year old as a child.

It's only really by seeing how DS2 operates that I appreciate just how completely unsuited to the education system DS1 is (despite having just as much, if not more potential). I keep saying it, but it really does have to come from them.

I'm now trying to apply my own advice to DS3 who does his GCSEs this year and is an interesting mixture of DS1 and DS2!!!

It is true that it is not the whole answer, but it will free up a lot of time.

hoesemad I was like your Ds as was my husband- We both mucked up our 'o-leves due to a complete lack of effort- Dh was strongly encouraged by his parents) to retake whilst starting some a levels- which again he failed to do any work and the college asked him to leave after the first year.. He then chose to undertake an advanced apprenticeship and now is a well paid professional with post grad education.

Meanwhile I would quietly go to my room during my o levels as was forced to revise- however I carefully learned song lyrics instead! However I was still surprised and disappointed when my results came out. After working for a year in a job I hated., I asked to be allowed to study a levels ( I got 3 A's) I then took my degree ( got a first) and have since done a masters.
Sorry the above is very long winded but what I'm saying (very badly) is that your Ds has to choose to study and when he does he will surprise you- but at 17/18 it's his choice unfortunately and you can only advise. He has plenty of time though to try new things and earn money etc and then go back to study when he is mature enough and ready to work.