University open days and parents.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

Having been to one by herself and one with me (engineering works ruining the train).

We would both love to know,

1. Why everyone seems to take a parent. (And even a very good, but bored sick 8y sibling)
   
   And especially
   
   Why do 16/17/18 year olds sit there letting their parents do the talking!

[AgathaF]

I guess to be able to chat about the uni with their parent/s after, and share opinions. Not entirely sure why a younger sibling, unless there was no alternative for childcare.

Some 16/17/18 year olds are shy, some may not have thought of all the relevant questions, some may just like to have an open discussion between lecturers, parent/s and themselves.

Our DS is in his 3rd year at uni. We, or I, went to all of the open days that he wanted to go to. His choice, but I was pleased to be asked. He did most of the talking though. Then we chatted about it all lots after the open evenings.

Why do you ask?

[mrsdavidbowie]

I haven't been with dd.

[BirdintheWings]

The universities want parents there for the inevitable lecture on funding.

[Bowlersarm]

Haven't been yet, DS1 is at uni but there was only one choice for what he wanted to do.

Very much looking forward to going to a couple with ds2 though, feel like I missed out with DS1.

[Raidne]

Radical idea I know, but maybe they bring a parent because they want to?

[SauvignonBlanche]

I was going to go with DS, he has AS and is socially awkward, he'd struggle on his own.

Sadly, I spent the entire sumner in hospital and didn't go to any.

[Notinaminutenow]

Perhaps they value their parents' opinion?

[Monstermissy36]

I've gone with ds1, he wanted me to. Although he's done all the talking. We have had to go lots of travelling to get to them including overnight hotel stays. It's been a lovely opportunity to spend quality time with him away from his brothers, just us two

[whattheseithakasmean]

DD1 wanted us to go with her. It is a big decision - she valued our opinion.

[M6J23a]

I went to one with DD1 but now she knows the drill she's happy to go to others with her friends.

I very nearly had to take DD3 (7) with us. What else can you do when one child needs something that the other doesn't and you have no support? FWIW DD3 would have loved it.

I really wanted DD2 (14) to come along too, just to get a head start

[poisonedbypen]

Because it can be quite overwhelming I went to the first couple with DD but she is quite happy to go on her own now. The unis know that it's a huge financial commitment these days & so need to woo the parents. In my day you didn't go until you went for an interview. I did go to them all on my own. I don't think there was any suggestion of parents going too.

[Leeds2]

I think it would be useful to have a parent there so that you can discuss it afterwards, and offer alternative opinions. Parents often think of things that teens don't!

Also for the lectures, for parents, about fees.

[MrSheen]

It's nice to have someone else's opinion sometimes, and someone else's perspective

Travel expenses might mean it's easier to go by car

Because not everyone has the peculiar to MN idea of they're an ADULT!!! What business of yours is it where they go?????

Parents may want to check out the accommodation that they will end up shelling out for.

I'm in my 40s and I still ask my Mum's opinion on stuff

As for the talking, probably the 18yo's are clued up, but like my mother the parents ask questions that the student already knows the answer to.

Mine aren't at that stage yet but I did take my friends dd to 2 open days last year. We had terrific fun.

[tallulah]

We went with all of ours because they were all a long way away necessitating an overnight. We also (shock, horror) took a baby/toddler to the later 2.

It was very useful to talk over what we'd seen and make suggestions, altho each of our DC made the final decision over which one to choose. DC3, with ADHD, hadn't realised how much of a PITA having to get on a bus for lectures every morning would be - hadn't made the connection between how far away from the campus the halls were at one the Unis we went to.

They certainly shouldn't be letting their parents do the talking though.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

I totally understand valuing parents opinions, wanting company on the journey (although if going by train, that company comes at a large price).

It's just how quiet the DCs seemed to be, especially as many of them must be a year older than DD1. Not just in the official bits, but walking about. DD1 wanders off and chats to the student guides, she chatted to the researchers and the lectures.

She hears some one rehearsing and shoots into the music dept. to ask about choirs.

The other DCs just walked around more like shy 10 year olds than young adults about to live on their own.

And in the end it's her decision, she needs to love the course and the place, not us.

Our funding it is neither here nor there. She wants to do a science course that might or might not have a well paid job at the end. I'm not worried about that. DH and me both ended up with PG qualifications in different things to where we started. I never meant to be a SAHM and the computers he works with hadn't even been dreamt of.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

I agree buses from halls are a pita, but that was the hall I was allocated after I'd got my place. Most accommodation was nearer, it was just bad luck.

In the end I stayed for three years because it was quiet, cheap and had parking for my car.

[poisonedbypen]

Mind you, at one on Saturday we saw a mum, with a grandma & a dog, but no 17 year old . What was that about?

[Raidne]

Maybe the "mum" was looking for a course for herself, poisonedbypen.

[AtiaoftheJulii]

Long discussion on this topic on the Higher board earlier this year.

My dd1 has been to one completely alone, one mostly alone but met her dad halfway for a debrief, I took her to one nearby, and I took her and her y12 sister to one far away so I could visit a friend. After the first, lone visit, she realised that actually she really wanted to be able to talk to someone! Because she tends to do her thinking out loud

[AtiaoftheJulii]

poisoned yes, sometimes old people do decide to go to university! Couple of years ago you might have seen me at open days - I never thought that someone might have been thinking that I was an ultra pushy mum who had come without my kid!

[Notinaminutenow]

The other DCs just walked around more like shy 10 year olds than young adults about to live on their own.

So? What business is it of yours? Not all children are like yours Elephant.

Some are more reserved, so just bounding up to lecturers and student guides and starting a conversation may be difficult for them and some support from a parent much appreciated.

They still go to University and manage to live and learn and have fun.

It's not a bloody competition.

[MrSheen]

I started my 2nd degree in my late 30's, so just about old enough to be 'mum' to a 18yo.

I've lived on my own (or at least not with parents) for nearly 25 years, and I'm not especially shy but I've never had much desire to wonder about being chatty and I don't see it as a particular virtue either. My 10 year old on the other hand...

[amothersplaceisinthewrong]

My kids went on their own to all their open days/post offer visits. They were very happy so to do.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

I think having driven for four hours to an open day and not asking questions and chatting to the large number of lovely student guides provided is a bit of a waste.

The lecturer she was talking to had a demo all set up to show people and they just ignored it.

I'd expect would be science students to be a bit curious.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

notinaminute did you mean to be so rude. Surely the purpose of MN is to ask questions and ponder things you don't quite understand.

I know some DCs are shy (DD2 is much less in your face than DD1), but the effect of having parents there did seem to be to hugly reduce the amount of interaction between the guides and the new students. That seemed a pity.