I know there are a lot of threads on MN about whether an ordinary, 'struggling' middle class family will 'fit' at a fee paying school with wealthier families and everyone is always v reassuring.
I wanted to start one though for those of us where, subtly, chronically, every day, the 'difference' between peers starts to wear you down - as in our case? How do people then cope with the resultant feelings of envy/comparison - not overt and huge - but nonetheless ever present?
In my case, I'm a single mum, solely reliant on own income, working all hours to keep DCs at a school they love but where we are somewhat in the minority. WE get a tiny bursary but it's a drop in the ocean compared with the school fees. The other families we mix with are 2 parent - or have the ex contributing to fees or grandparents helping out too.
Almost all the mums are SAHMS or at most work p/t and have the luxury of time - time to care for their DCs needs better than I can - eg by funding extracurricular activities, extra tuition if DC struggles with any subject, time to care for themselves and their homes - by keeping fit at the gym/running, cleaning their houses or having enough money to spend to pay a housekeeper/cleaner.
Most families have at least one foreign hol a yr - whereas we've never even been abroad at all. Most have time to spend helping out with homework and managing the difficult after-school hours by being there, by being less stressed. I'm working in the evenings as well as during the days.
People often say, "I don't know how you do it," but then launch into their latest new kitchen developments or the exhaustion of spending a day in town shopping for their DCs new skiing outfit for the latest expensive school trip. My DCs have had to quietly drop out of most school clubs/activities as I just can't afford the extra costs or fund any of the exciting school trips.
They've learned not to say that they've never been on a 'plane or abroad. They don't mention that most of their summer was spent home alone with little to do whilst I was working, whilst their friends compare exotic trips and their latest acquired gadgets. None of us even has a basic smartphone, whilst their peers have endless latest iphones and tablets and all the up to date technology.
Of course I remind them and myself how incredibly privileged they/we are that they can go to the school they love and how, by conparison with so so many other people, we would be considered 'well off'. When the daily lives experience is being with people infinitely wealthier in time and in money - how can I stop feeling eroded by comparative difference between what I can provide for my family and what their friends have?