Can't cope in Y7

[FeelingSadInside]

I don't know what to do.

DS just started Y7 and can't read and write well enough to keep up and I have absolutely no idea what to do.

But it's worse than that. He thinks he's fine and doesn't understand why he keeps getting detentions because he hasn't done his hw.

Now obv I can talk to school and stop him getting a detention. But I can't get him to read and write well enough to cope.

School suggested he does toe by toe and RWI. Both of which he's done twice. So I can't see them being able to do anything useful to help him. Plus their SENCOs on long term sick leave.

I can't think of anything useful they could do.

I haven't slept all night. I'm so sick of it all.

Not sure he will be allowed a Gap Year! They have to stay in education/training until 18, so he will have to do something including study one way or another - including English and Maths if not achieved at 16.

Feelingsad

I also wondered about you feeling depressed and in need of some help too.

Dyslexia is a recognised learning disability but what is happening here is that your son is being failed by school because they are not differentiating his needs properly. His whole school career will be like this if you do not act so you need to go in and see them. Phone calls alone are not enough. They are not meeting his needs at all, he should not be getting detentions.

I presume the SENCO is aware that he is dyslexic. It may well be that practically all of his other teachers are not aware he is dyslexic and needs more support and time.

Re your comment:-
"The issue is dyslexia. And (luckily) he's way way above the low level needed for a statement".

You think that is a good thing?. I do not think you actually understand the mechanics of statements at all given this comment. Its based on need and not how "low" a level the child is. It makes me think you've been given a line throughout his whole schooling career to the effect that he would never get a statement anyway.

It is also your role here to be his advocate and to fight his corner for him because frankly no-one else will do so.

Would echo Atilla, it's not a good thing he doesn't have a statement. Having a statement means that you get a proper assessment of need a a parental right to challenge if the identified need isn't being met.
There is no such thing as there being too high a level for a statement, dd got 5b SATs and has a statement she has never been anything ever than above average.
Try posting on the SN section as there will be plenty there who can advise you how to proceed.

FeelingSad
I am really struggling with your posts because you come over as very negative probably because you are frustrated by the situation. Both of my DS are dyslexic; DS1 is in yr7 and DS2 Yr3.

I help them with their HW when they need it, even if its just sitting beside DS1 giving him some moral support. DS1 was doing a tough piece of English the other day and I read it out to him so the speed of his reading didn't cause a problem. I have scribed work for both of them and DS1 will sometimes dictate his answers to me, I write them down and then he copies what I have scribed.

My aim is to keep them engaged in Education and to allow them to show their potential. I help out with homework because coping with school when you are dyslexic is knackering so they are already tired when they get in.

You keep talking about him not having a scribe when he job or similar but if he becomes totally disengaged with education he won't get a job that reflects his true potential anyway.

I know its tough when you work and have more than one child but your son needs more help than he realises. Do go back to the school and push them because they are not giving him the support he needs.

It also sounds as though you do not fully understand your son's particular learning difficulties and what he can and can't do, as opposed to what he is motivated enough to do or stubbornly not wanting to do. It is very common for those with Learning Difficulties to just give up, retreat into a dream world where everything is Ok and pretend it isn't happening, every day and every piece of work is a challenge, because it takes so much more effort to achieve what others achieve easily.

I don't believe for one second your son was not capable of writing more than one sentence on christenings if what you say about levels and past attainment is true, I can believe he may have forgotten what the teacher asked him to do and the suggestions that were given about how to go about it. I can believe that he then sat there with a piece of paper in front of him and did not know where to start, I can believe it was just too intimidating and he didn't have the confidence or tools to attempt it so he gave up, did the bare minimum and went to off to do something that did not make him feel so intimidated and lacking in confidence and hoped for the best. How sad.

If you and the school allow this to continue then you are right he will leave school with no qualifications and a belief that he is no good and he may well be lucky enough to fall into a job where his talents enable him to succeed as so many did in the 70s when Dyslexia was not recognised and no help available and recover his confidence but what a waste to experience all that loss of self esteem in the meantime.

All of this is by the way personal and family experience.

However there is lots of help available and you need to ask the school for a proper assessment of the support your son needs and to explain to you what his weaknesses and strengths are and how you can support him, then you need to support them in ensuring from the home end that he realises that he can do better, it just takes effort. Dyslexia is a disability but it does not mean you can't do things, it just means it takes more effort, that you need to find ways to achieve things whilst coping with your weaknesses. Often simple things, like, if working memory is poor, making sure that you get a record of what the teacher wants you to do, whether that is by writing it down, or getting them to do it for you (and all teachers should be prepared to do that if it is an identified need. ) and is sequencing is a problem sitting down and planning what you are going to do and following that plan instead of jumping in and losing sight of what you are meant to do. It is not necessarily that time consuming but armed with knowledge and a bit of thought you can support your son through this, but not, I am sorry, by being negative. None of us are perfect, it is frustrating , and I just had to take 10 mins because my DD leaves for uni in two days time and though she has a list she is still trying to sneak off to watch crap TV rather than have to make the huge effort it requires for her to organise herself. But no point shouting, and no point letting her get away with it either......

This could be my DS in a year's time, he is in Yr 6 and has Asperger's Syndrome, dyspraxia and speech and language problems. However he was reading at 4c at the end of year 5 and I have been told over and over that he'll never get a statement. However, it has been clear to me that there is a lot more to his SNs than the school realise, he is brilliant at developing masking strategies and very compliant, also working within the academic range of his class, so they haven't been worried (he does get a lot of support at SA+). Basically they are doing what they need to to keep him in line with the lowest achievers in the class on the basis that he is just not very able.

So, I have gone ahead anyway and applied for a statement, I had to appeal to get the assessment but it is now underway. As part of this I have had independent speech and language / occupational therapy and Ed.Psych assessments made, and it all makes sense now. He has significant difficulties with language and processing, plus coordination problems from the dyspraxia all of which are really holding him back from achieving his potential, but his IQ is on the high side of average. He has social problems due to the Asperger's as well, I am absolutely determined he is going to have that statement (or EHC plan) - I think you ought to be considering requesting it too. Even if we don't get it we will be so much further towards understanding his needs. But, I have heard anecdotally that it's very hard to get a statement for dyslexia, you really need to post in the SNs boards for advice. My DS's SNs have turned out to be far more significant than even I realised, so there was next to no hope of the school working it out.

I have a physical disability with some hidden aspects which affect my spatial awareness and some forms of more visual processing. For example if I'm with you I can tell you how to drive from my house to the hospital but if I'm not I would probably struggle to breakdown the middle bits.
I used a laptop/scribes and other sort of adaptations all through school. I've been able to stop using a lot of those things now because time and distance have helped me improve some of those skills and find strategies for others.
Plus, knowing how to dictate clearly and talk people through things and make sure they record them accurately is a skill that I use a lot in my work as I'm in a role where I provide information to the public constantly. Learning to take information in without notetaking means I can focus more on the person I'm helping.
Giving him tools to help him isn't making him unemployable it's giving him skills he could use in future.