Can't cope in Y7

[FeelingSadInside]

I don't know what to do.

DS just started Y7 and can't read and write well enough to keep up and I have absolutely no idea what to do.

But it's worse than that. He thinks he's fine and doesn't understand why he keeps getting detentions because he hasn't done his hw.

Now obv I can talk to school and stop him getting a detention. But I can't get him to read and write well enough to cope.

School suggested he does toe by toe and RWI. Both of which he's done twice. So I can't see them being able to do anything useful to help him. Plus their SENCOs on long term sick leave.

I can't think of anything useful they could do.

I haven't slept all night. I'm so sick of it all.

Balloon slayer - and will he get a reader / scribe when he gets a job?

• well no but a) he will have matured by then and his reading/writing will be much just by age and b) if reading/writing are not his strong points he will most likely choose a job where they are minimal.

Unless the homework is actually a reading or writing assessment, he absolutely should have help with reading and writing. How can you assess someone's mathematical ability, for instance, if they can't read the question?

He needs help with reading and writing of course. But WHILE that is being addressed he needs practical help so that he can access the rest of the curriculum. In lessons a general (ie not 1-1 to him) LSA will almost certainly be keeping an eye on him, prompting him to keep up, helping read the questions, checking he has understood what to do etc, checking that when he is trying to research, (to use your example Christenings) he has typed the correct spelling and is not collecting pages of research on Christ rather than Christenings, finishing off his notes if he can't keep up and the class is moving on to the next part of the lesson, and so on. For homework that role falls to you.

That should say "much better just by age" and doesn't even make sense then! I meant it will be 6 years better even if he doesn't catch up, and that makes a big difference.

He got a 4b in the reading SATs paper. Nothing dodgy went on. SATs is much much much easier than researching in the internet. It's that he can't do. If they'd given him a passage about the christening he would have been able to get the gist if it and answer the qs. But that's not the std required for secondary.

It's not feasible or reasonable or practical or helpful for me to do an hour and a half hw with him every night.

I have other kids to look after and a full time job.

But mainly I really really really don't see how me dumbing down his hw is going to help him become employable.

It's not the knowledge you gain in RE which is important. It's not knowing what a christening is which is important. It's the skill of research and writing which is important. If I do that for him than the hw is a total waste of time.

Sorry to derail, but your experience is really interesting, TeenandTween. Did school pick up the problem & suggest the laptop, or was it with your intervention? (DD consistently works 2 full levels higher in reading / speaking&listening than in her written work, atm we've been leaving things be as she is - unlike in primary - thankfully coping, but it isn't a great situation.)

Balloons layer - do you have a child with sen? Have they got a job that makes them happy?

I have to say, though, that in yr 7 a lot of them struggle with the researching aspect. With the h/w you've described dd would most likely turn in a page with about 3 sentences printed out on the computer in a large font, and some c&p pictures.

Feelingsad, I can see you're really desperate. I can only say I do know several people with very severe dyslexia, certainly people who would never, ever, read a book cover to cover, and they have jobs varying from academic through to farming. They've managed to become literate enough to get by, and mostly use technology a lot to help them through the areas they can't access in the way the rest of us would.

It's not my job to do his hw with him. It's my job to ensure he leaves school able to do jobs that will make him happy.

At the moment I can't tell what that job might be do I'm trying to ensure he gets the skills most routes to employment require - reading, researching and writing.

He's literate enough to get by. Just not literate enough to cope with school.

So, what is it that you actually want? Him to be better at things and not need help?

That's not going to happen on its own. In secondary each teacher will only see him about 3 hours a week in the company of 29 other children. If you doing kick up a fuss and get him support in class, he will simply be judged as a mildly able, lazy boy. Which obviously isn't the case, but if you aren't prepared to help him and don't agree with him having an LSA, that's what will happen. I've never come across a parent who doesn't want to fight toothand nail and demand support for their SN child.

If he's "not literate enough for school", what do you want to do about it?

you don't* kick up a fuss.

Takver
We adopted DD when she was 8.
So first we thought she was just 'behind' due to early experiences.
By y6 we were concerned enough to see primary school with a typed list of problems, but because she was in the middle of the class and expected to reach l4s we were fobbed off. We paid for a private EdPsych assessment which indicated a very spiked profile and helped us to understand her strengths and weaknesses.
y7-y9 I had to give continued support on homework especially bouncing it back to her to encourage/insist more to be written, and helping on structuring/ordering more open ended things. Luckily I had the time for this and DD is biddable.
End y9 I asked for her to be assessed for laptop/extra time. Came back as laptop. I am not convinced she would have been assessed without me.
End y10 I visited doctor and asked for a dyspraxia assessment, which we are now awaiting. Not sure it is dyspraxia, but I'm pretty much convinced there is something.

OP DD has improved over secondary, but has needed to be shown (repeatedly) how to go about certain tasks. I always made it clear to the teachers the level of assistance she was getting. She needs more time and assistance to learn the essay skills, but she is getting there and is predicted passes for all her GCSEs.

Some of this chimes with my DD (albeit she is not secondary school yet).

Her reading is (FWIW) extremely strong. Research projects - even the simplest ones - she really struggles with.

What has helped is to ban the Internet (she protested and said I was sabotaging her education - I had to be tough!). I found she was getting drawn into Wikipedia - and getting utterly lost. She doesn't find it easy to structure her thoughts and needed a much smaller pond to paddle in. What I did instead was insist on two or three reference books being procured (either what we had, or library, or pick something up from charity shop) - and told her to wring as much as she could from those. In desperate straits, I printed off articles - but I was strict on no screens. Then highlighters, sticky notes, spider diagrams - she did improve her focus and discrimination.

Thanks, teenandtween, that's really helpful. DD is not biddable - I suspect in practice she'll just choose all the maths/science/practical options she can when she gets to that time & her writing is ok to get by. But it's good to know that it's possible to move over to using a laptop later in secondary, I had thought it might be something that needed to happen earlier.

I don't think that 'most' jobs require reading, writing researching as their main skill .

I am expecting my DD1 to end up with a job that requires

• verbal skills as priority
• problem solving only within boundaries, not open ended
• writing 'standard' texts only not inventing/structuring own reports

For example

• childcare
• tour guide or similar
• hotel receptionist / management
• local government housing officer
• social worker

She is not going to be

• lawyer
• computer programmer
• researcher

As her motor skills are also v poor she is also not going to be anything thatb requires great practical skills such as motor mechanic, chef, tree surgeon.

You sound quite worried and panicky. If you can get your DS to recognise/admit he needs assistance in some things, and then work the 3 of you (you, DS and school) in partnership, you should be able to find a way through.

As an aside, I have been surprised at how demanding English language GCSE is. And English GCSE is a pre-requisite for many things.

There seem to be some contradictions going on here. OP, you say his reading age is more of less on track for his age, he doesn't need a LSA, his dyslexia is too mild for a statement... and yet you say he couldn't read or understand a word like "christening" or "Prince George", and that his reading and writing is just too poor for y7 work in general.

My gut feeling is that either he has some other learning disabilities at play in addition to dyslexia, or his dyslexia is actually far worse than his official diagnosis.

I can tell you're feeling very defeatist about the whole situation, but clearly you need to fight for more assessments and more support. Something just doesn't seem to add up about what you're saying when it comes to his ability, or lack of.

4b is good - my son had a level 3b. And my daughter a 3a. Both went to get a C grade English Language and a C and D in Literature.

You are going to have to support him with his homework until you get out of this hole and work out between you and the school what is going on - is he able to cope in lessons? if so, why not with homework? If you help you may find it is simply one issue - the spelling of christening/prince william etc - in which case do as we do (still for our 16 year old) get him to ask you how to spell the problem words out for him so he do his google research and can move on independently.

He wrote more than one sentence to get a 4b, if that included a reader scribe - then take on that role for him. Yes you want him to be independent to go to work when he is 16+ but you don't have to leave him suddenly in the lurch today! If you do you he stands the risk of getting caught up in a web of negativity and that will do more harm for his future than good because, in my experience, negativity breeds negativity.

Maybe in short term you could contact the teacher who gave the detention ( in a casual non confrontational way) and see if she is aware of the diagnosis and chat through his difficulties with her/him. He/She may have no idea of his difficulties.

I have always found with Dd it is also worth asking for a copy of the right answer or what a good answer looks like so when revision time comes round they know whats expected.

I know several dyslexics who have successful jobs and careers they just develop coping strategies in their own time.

OP I am sorry you are feeling so desperate - but I do think (from what you have posted) that your son has inherited a stubborn and slightly negative attitude to hw from you. His SEN is also going to make written hw frustrating and hard for him so it is important that he gets positive and active support.

My ds is Yr6 he has very good reading levels but he hates writing so he usually types his homework and it is rarely a huge essay jus a few lines on the relevant subject - and I check what he has been given for hw and help him complete it if necessary - by asking him questions/ helping him google things etc.. With a research piece children need help - they learn by watching adults use the skills needed to find information as well as doing it themselves - all children need motivation, direction and examples when doing homework, at differing levels.

In the beginning of yr7 they will need more input but as the skills become second nature they will need less. The only way you will know how much support your ds needs is by finding some time to go through a piece of homework with him and seeing for yourself what he can and cannot do. It may not be possible for you to do this every night but is there really 1.5 hrs of research based hw every night? An hour or two at the weekend may be sufficient not even every weekend. The support of the teachers and some additional understanding that hw will be done to the best of your ds ability is obviously essential as well - he should not get detention if he is doing what he can without adult support.

Good luck.

You need to request an urgent appointment with the SENCO.
They need to assess him. He may well have a processing issue which means he finds it hard to understand what they want him to do for homework. If he can't read or write well enough they need to give him in school help. If he is not doing enough for him homework - because he can't then he should not be getting detentions.

What happens in the detentions? Is it just "punishment" or does it give an opportunity for attention on the work he has not completed well enough so far?

What are you prepared to do to help?

My DC at various times have had: their homework written in for them, one had reduced homework to just the "core subjects" for a while, some have been withdrawn from some lessons for extra help.
There is a set amount of time per subject for homework, and if my DC have spent that long I have been known to stop them and sign the place in their books - so the teacher knows that it is taking them excessive amounts of time to get the work done. They have had to attempt their homework, and have at times struggled - but hard work is a good skill to learn.

BTW the one who struggled the hardest got less than 4's in Reading and English SATs at 11, but he wouldn't have complained at having to write more than 1 sentence at 11 - even though Primary school had let him get away with very little writing. He could search info on the internet - it was just spelling, and handwriting that he really struggled with.

Dd has just started y7 too and has needed support with her homework just as I expected her to tbh. She got 5b in her SATs (and has a statement of SEN) but the homework from secondary isn't like the homework she had in primary and until she gets used to what's needed then I expect she will need support. Speaking to her friend's parents they are all supporting their children's homework too.
I have at times written for dd, I show her how to research, I hep her cut out the waffle. I think maybe you need to resign yourself to helping with homework for the time being as well as pushing for support at school and for homework to be better differentiated to his own particular needs

You come across as someone who wants a solution, but doesn't like anything that is being said.

What do YOU think the answer is?

Going to a library, opening a reference book on Christianity and looking up 'Christenings' (not sure what baby George has to do with it) is EXACTLY like the reading paper- you read a paragraph on Christenings and extract the right information. Or he could have asked you. Or googled it. Research doesn't just happen in ONE black and white way.

I know of dozens of young people with far more severe SEN than your son who have gone on to do fullfilling jobs- I don't quite get what you're insinuating with that question, but I suspect it isn't nice.

It won't take hours every night, it will take some time of you showing you're interested and checking his work before it is handed in, and using his homework diary to communicate to the teacher.

Also, a lot can change in a year- let him try toe to toe again, it might be what makes it all come together this time. You need a positive 'can do' attitude, not a negative 'can't, won't, not worth it' one.

You're talking about his homework. How is he managing actually in class?

Also, my DS doesn't have SEN but he still needed a lot of support with homework at the beginning of Y7 (especially in subjects he didn't much like). I didn't help him with it, but for a couple of months I did demand to see his homework before it was handed in. If it wasn't good enough or he hadn't written enough, I'd make him do it again or write more.

(There was a memorable time when he thought he could write 'Sorry - didn't really understand this' in his Maths book. He's not done that again.)

Feelingsad

You need to remember that these sorts of problems often reflect conditions that involve "developmental DELAY". That means that they will get there eventually, but it will take longer than for other children. I have seen this with my own daughter, who has now successfully graduated from a good university. What you mustn't do is assume that your child will NEVER be able to do the things required for a good job, but that these skills will come online at a later age than for his peers.

In the meantime, such children are essentially struggling with being in classes that are one or two years ahead of where they are developmentally. In order for them to cope, they need assistance from the schools, or from tutors, or from you. One of the problems with the "constructivist" style of teaching that is currently very prevalent in this country is that it is not explicit enough for children like ours; there is too much expecting that children will "discover" or "intuit" certain things (like how long a piece of homework should be, or how to research on the internet), and not enough explicit instruction and detailed modelling of what good answers should look like and how to achieve them step-by-step.

Also, in my experience a lot of the homework that is given is impractical even for the most competent children, because teachers simply don't realise it is too difficult and that parents are doing it for or with their kids. Internet research is a particular problem because so much material is at University level, not at 11 year old level! A bit of practical advice: include the phrase "Key stage 3" in quotes when your child does searches, and he will be much more likely to find material he can cope with.

Finally, it may well be beneficial for your child to take a "gap year" after GCSEs to allow his brain to catch up before he starts college/A-levels.

Finally, please don't take this amiss, but I am wondering if you are not clinically depressed, and in need of some help yourself. I speak as someone who has suffered from this myself, which is why I feel I "recognise" the possible signs in your posts. I really hope things get better for you.