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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Has anyone changed their dc's school in year 8

54 replies

WelshBlackbird · 31/07/2014 17:53

Hi. My 12 year old dd had the worst year of her life in year 7. She is heavily into drama/dance/singing and has been isolated from her year group all through year 7, except for 2 girls she was friendly with at Primary year 6. Summer hols now and not one person from her year group has called her. The girls she was very friendly with at Primary school, and others from year 7, have all gone to the cinema, bowling and into town, shopping. On the occasion my dd asked them if she could join them she was told, "Well N is coming and she doesn't like you so no".

N took a very strong dislike to dd at the start of year 7 because dd was asked to sing at school Christmas Concert and N was not. Since then N has managed to manipulate all the other girls, telling them dd has said this, that and the other about them (Not true). Just as a way of turning everyone against dd for her own needs.

DD has now realised she has no friends at school and really wants to move school next Sept. I have an application form. The school which is more suited to her needs is a Catholic School and is much smaller than her present Comp school. It also has a well attended drama club. I don't know if she will even be accepted into a Catholic school as we are not Catholic.

I am just a bit concerned that even if she is accepted the new school may not be much better, socially, than the school she is leaving. Any advice welcome. Thank you in advance

OP posts:
lljkk · 31/07/2014 18:24

move schools if you can, my only regret has been not moving schools sooner.

Where i live county hall manages school transfers so that's who I would ring.

Reasontobelieve · 31/07/2014 18:55

I would move her, particularly as she would like to move. My dd was in this position at primary school and looking back, she would have been happier if I'd moved her.

Elsie20 · 31/07/2014 21:19

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Elsie20 · 31/07/2014 21:23

Sorry, I don't know what happened there, I'm using my phone and it went a bit mental lol

I also would move her, especially if she wants to. My son hated his old school and though it wasn't a friend issue by year 8, he flat sly refused to go. We moved him the last week of year 9 and we haven't looked back :) x

Elsie20 · 31/07/2014 21:25

Also if it's a catholic school and it has a space, then they will take a non catholic child. :)

Original poster
WelshBlackbird · 01/08/2014 00:35

Thank you for your advice. I have further chatted with dd this evening and she really does not want to go back to her school in September and definitely wants to move school. I have filled the application form in and will send it off tomorrow. Hopefully there will be someone in admissions during the holidays to deal with it and let me know if she has been accepted before school starts back in September. Thanks again :)

OP posts:
HibiscusIsland · 01/08/2014 00:52

Hope you get a place at the new school.

Frikadellen · 02/08/2014 15:42

Not in year 8 but we moved dd2 7 months into year 7 for similar reasons to what you are describing above. It was 100% the right decision to do. However the 7 months in a school where she was left out and silently bullied with the equal of no pastoral care from the school even now in year 9 (10 in sep) has left its marks on her and the easy to make friends happy girl we had is not there. She is a lot more introvert and less comfortable with making friends.

On a positive plan she has made some friends who are lovely and to the extend that this year where a place has come up at her best friends school so it is a possibility for her to move. She is unsure.

I would move in your situation but be aware that this may have long time consequences. On a positive plan for dd2 she most definitely has learnt to pick her friends carefully and I don't think that is a bad thing.

I had a friend who asked me if she should move her ds who had not settled at the secondary they had appealed to get him into. I said similar and they moved him in June this year (year 7) last time I spoke with her she said she had a different child. So my experience may not be the norm :)

Original poster
WelshBlackbird · 03/08/2014 03:30

Thank you Hibiscus and Frikadellen. I can see exactly what you are saying about your dd's experiences leaving its mark. My dd was so happy and emotionally and socially secure when in year 6. I cannot believe how different she is at the end of year 7. She has no confidence, has no friends, and is so nervous and jumpy - and I don't know why! She worries about the least little thing. For the first time in her life she has spent every day of the school holiday stuck to my side.

For a child who used to be so happy and confident in herself to now be reduced to a social recluse and shadow of her former self in just one year is soul destroying.

If this school wont take her, for whatever reason, I am just going to persevere and get her into a different school. There is no way I could force her to go back to her former school. Something is dreadfully wrong there.

As you say your dd has learnt to choose her friends carefully. I truly hope this will be the case with my dd. If she goes to a school where she knows no-one I am hopeful she will meet other girls she will click with, as opposed to feeling obligated to stick with girls just because she was friends with them in Primary school. Thank you for the advice.

OP posts:
Mrsgrumble · 03/08/2014 05:00

I have tough in Catholic schools and it won't be a problem op. Just space.

Can you pursue outside clubs for your daughter? Such a pity and disgrace that this had happened to her.

Original poster
WelshBlackbird · 03/08/2014 23:59

Hi Mrsgrumble. DD does a few clubs after school - ballet, drama and gymnastics. The problem is they have all shut down for the summer holiday and dd has found herself friendless :( This is in vast contrast to summer holiday last year - The only time I saw her during the day was when it was our turn for sleepovers and having friends round.

Hopefully we will hear soon that there is space for her at her chosen school.

OP posts:
Agggghast · 06/08/2014 09:18

Move her. If there is a space the school will accept her. Catholic schools tend to have very good pastoral care with a chaplain as well as HOY.

LizzieMint · 06/08/2014 09:23

I moved school when I was in year 7 although it was because my parents moved house. It was the best thing that happened to me, we moved from a massive comp to a small independant school and it just suited me much much much better. I hadn't realised before we moved how much I'd hated the old school.
Do it, I'm sure you won't look back.

Cupcakes123 · 06/08/2014 09:33

My parents moved me into a different school, not for the same reasons, but because we moved areas. I was the same age as your DD and started yr 8 as "the new girl"
Was absolutely fine, made lots of friends and was accepted by the others already there. I'm sure your DD will be happier so fingers crossed she gets a place. Girls at that age can be horrid Hmm

HibiscusIsland · 06/08/2014 11:43

Your post about her being nervous and jumpy and stuck to your side where she used to be out and about all the time makes me wonder if she has been threatened. Sad

Wendwil · 08/08/2014 16:25

I am looking for advice about changing schools for my 12 year old and found your entry. I have a similar thing and she is desperate to change schools. In her case she sees people out of school and is even going for a sleepover tonight to a girl's house who used to be her best friend, but who she says is totally different at school where nobody speaks to her. We have been having tears on and off for months, but keep hoping she will get over it and make new friends. We keep saying that changing schools may not make a difference . We have even got her some counselling to help with other anxieties she has got. It just tears you apart when you don't know what to do for the best

SauvignonBlanche · 08/08/2014 16:38

DD has just finished Yr8 and is desperate to move. I phoned the council but they said we had had to enquire directly to schools to see if they had a vacancy but this was just at the start of the summer holidays so I'll have to wait until September now.

Original poster
WelshBlackbird · 09/08/2014 23:02

Hi Wendwill. Yes I agree It tears you apart knowing your child is not happy in school but not knowing if you are sending them from the frying pan into the fire by moving them to a new school. My DD is insistent that she wants to move so there must be a very good reason for her decision. I have not got to the bottom of it but I think Hibiscus may have a very good point. My DD has lived on her phone since she started High school. Now she hardly turns it on and gets this nervous look whenever her phone rings or beeps (text message). I have been through her phone but I have found nothing untoward. It is likely she may have deleted text messages though.

Blanche I took DD's application form to the Council and the bloke there told me to take it to the school. He said there would be Office staff there - There wasn't! I have left the form at the school and am eagerly awaiting some contact from them.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 09/08/2014 23:08

I'm a teacher. I would move her. Sooner rather. Than later

Coolas · 10/08/2014 02:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche · 10/08/2014 17:57

Great advice Coolas, thanks. Smile