Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Has anyone changed their dc's school in year 8

54 replies

WelshBlackbird · 31/07/2014 17:53

Hi. My 12 year old dd had the worst year of her life in year 7. She is heavily into drama/dance/singing and has been isolated from her year group all through year 7, except for 2 girls she was friendly with at Primary year 6. Summer hols now and not one person from her year group has called her. The girls she was very friendly with at Primary school, and others from year 7, have all gone to the cinema, bowling and into town, shopping. On the occasion my dd asked them if she could join them she was told, "Well N is coming and she doesn't like you so no".

N took a very strong dislike to dd at the start of year 7 because dd was asked to sing at school Christmas Concert and N was not. Since then N has managed to manipulate all the other girls, telling them dd has said this, that and the other about them (Not true). Just as a way of turning everyone against dd for her own needs.

DD has now realised she has no friends at school and really wants to move school next Sept. I have an application form. The school which is more suited to her needs is a Catholic School and is much smaller than her present Comp school. It also has a well attended drama club. I don't know if she will even be accepted into a Catholic school as we are not Catholic.

I am just a bit concerned that even if she is accepted the new school may not be much better, socially, than the school she is leaving. Any advice welcome. Thank you in advance

OP posts:

Original poster

WelshBlackbird · 12/08/2014 12:01

Thank you everyone. I called school yesterday. Just a recorded message saying school is closed for the holiday. I went down there this morning to see if there was anyone around I could speak to just to ask if there is space in year 8. Nobody around except the caretaker - He doesn't know. All the caretaker said is that sometimes office staff pop in, periodically, but he cannot tell me when they are there. I have left my details for someone from the office to call me. Crossing my fingers that there is a space.

OP posts:

Coolas · 12/08/2014 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

WelshBlackbird · 12/08/2014 18:35

Thank you Coolas. That is helpful :) I will call over the school tomorrow morning.

DD was invited swimming with a group of her current school "friends" today. She was so excited to be invited! They went. Two hours later I had a call from her, breaking her heart, asking me to collect her. It seems they had an hour in the pool and went to get changed afterwards. Somehow or other - DD has no idea how this happened but - she went into a cubicle to get changed and when she came out everyone else had gone! They had actually got changed quickly and left her on her own - I am furious!!!!

OP posts:

Coolas · 12/08/2014 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dimsum123 · 12/08/2014 19:01

OMG. I am so shocked and angry on behalf of you and your DD. What an utterly nasty bunch of girls she has had the misfortune to meet.

Definately persevere with the school. I am sure somebody will be there tomorrow. My DD is about to start yr7 in Sep. I am dreading this sort of thing happening to her.

Good Luck for tomorrow and keep posting.

Original poster

WelshBlackbird · 12/08/2014 19:07

Yes it is! She has cried all evening. She cannot understand what she has done to deserve this treatment. And neither can I tbh. She really is the first to stand up for anyone she sees being mistreated or bullied. She is a good little singer and gymnast and she is very sensitive to the needs of others and has stood up, on occasions, for the "friends" who left her today. Personally I think it all stems from her being invited, by the Headteacher, to sing solo at a Christmas Service last year and then appeared in the school magazine for taking a first in a National Gymnastic competition. It seems to be since then that her "friends" have deserted her.

Her mindset now is that if she gets into a new school she is not going to tell anyone what she does as extra curricular activities - It causes too much heartache! I find that so sad :( BUT if that is what is needed to make her one of the crowd..........

OP posts:

Original poster

WelshBlackbird · 12/08/2014 19:10

Thank you Dimsum. I am in tears myself tonight. I cannot believe it tbh! I think there is a LOT more stacking up for her to divulge. Hopefully it will be soon!

OP posts:

eatyourveg · 12/08/2014 19:39

If the Catholic school turns out to have no places I would look for the schools that the dc who attend the same extra curricular activities go to. Do you know any of the gymnastics mums?

dimsum123 · 13/08/2014 22:15

OP did you make progress with the school? I would also be back onto the local authority educ dept. They can't just leave it up to you to try and contact schools during the hols. Try and make them make some phone calls too. Surely that's part of their job.

And your DD has done NOTHING to deserve this treatment. Those girls are clearly jealous and insecure about themselves. Your DD should be proud of her achievments. It's them not her at fault.

HibiscusIsland · 13/08/2014 22:22

Poor thing. This just confirms you are doing the right thing to move her.

HibiscusIsland · 13/08/2014 22:30

I dread this sort of thing too as my dd1 would be defenceless against this sort of thing. I will move my dd too if this happens when she starts secondary school. I've forgotten whether you said earlier in the thread whether the school have tried to help at all, although I'm sure it's hard for them, especially as stuff is happening outside school. I think there is every chance things would be much better in a new school with a fresh start for your dd though.

wannabestressfree · 13/08/2014 22:43

I also would move her. Admissions staff are in my school all through the summer as it's a busy time for them.

Dancergirl · 14/08/2014 13:01

OMG that is awful for her. The swimming story brought tears to my eyes

OP, keep trying the school, you MUST move her. Are there any other possible schools in case this one doesn't have a place?

I moved my (much younger) dd last term and haven't looked back. She is really happy.

You sound like a lovely mum so at least your dd has some good support.

She will have a fresh start and make some proper friends. Keep us updated.

Original poster

WelshBlackbird · 14/08/2014 13:23

Today we went back down the school as posters have pointed out they will have to be open today for A Level results. We met the lady who deals with admissions. Although she couldn't give us a definite yes, as the Headteacher and School Governers will need to be consulted first. She took DD for a tour around the school. told her she will quickly make new friends within her year group and asked her to think about what musical instrument she would like to learn. She also gave me a uniform list and asked if I could transport her on the first day as bus passes cannot be applied for until the child is pupil within the school. It all sounds very hopeful :) DD is very excited!! Thank you all for your support and suggestions. We are both feeling much happier today! xx

OP posts:

MassaAttack · 14/08/2014 19:02

Cool - that sounds really positive. Fingers crossed :)

Coolas · 14/08/2014 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

WelshBlackbird · 15/08/2014 18:13

First off I would just like to say DD's school were absolutely brilliant when she reported her friends had turned against her following her recent achievements - and that she was being excluded from usual friendship group at school. School provided pastoral care and her Head of Year understood exactly what the problem was and explained to her that her "friends" were jealous of what she had achieved and that the same had happened to him as he had a load of friends until he was chosen to represent his country at the Olympics and, suddenly, all his friends turned against him.

DD does have the support of school staff at her old school but that is little consolation. All 12 year olds need the support and friendship of their peer group. DD requested to move school at the end of year 7 and I asked for application form. However, she mentioned to a "friend" that she was moving and had lots of her peer group saying "Oh don't move we will miss you blah blah". So she decided not to. However, DD was invited on the stage at a special end of year assembly and much was made of her achievement - she has been selected to represent her country in a gymnastic competition. Since that time not one of her year group has spoken to her - except for the swimming episode I mentioned above.

When she was invited to look around her prospective new school the person dealing with admissions mentioned that it would have been easier all round if school had received her application form before school hols began. DD said, "I had a very tough decision to make and it is only now that I have found the time to make it and I now Know that this is the school I want to attend". At some point during the discussion DD did mention that she had received an invitation to represent her country in a gymnastic competition and since then none of her friends have spoken to her. The admissions lady rolled her eyes and said, "Another case of the green eyed monster then". Out of the mouths of babes comes truth - as they say.

Coolas thank you so much for your friendly advice. DD has already stated that she will not be discussing her extra curricular activities with her peer group at her new school. Great advice about not relaying that she has joined the school due to bullying (more social exclusion I think). I have discussed with her that if she wants to join the school choir, drama club or gymnastic class then she should do so - but not to volunteer for principal or solo roles. I am also hoping that the school will provide someone to buddy DD during the first few weeks.

Thank you everyone for your input. I will hopefully let you know she has been accepted! What I did not realise at first is that this school has 600 pupils on roll, compared to 1,800 pupils at her previous school. That in itself will be more suited to DD. I am soo itching to buy her new school uniform! :)

OP posts:

CiderwithBuda · 15/08/2014 18:27

Great news. And so bloody sad that she has to hide her achievements.

Hope she is much happier.

ohtobeanonymous · 16/08/2014 22:33

What a truly hideous bunch of girls your DD was unfortunate to be lumped with.

All the best with securing her place at a new school. Hopefully it will be one at which she can be herself and find friends who celebrate her achievements and are proud of her for her talents.

tess73 · 17/08/2014 17:23

Fingers crossed for you. Just wondering if you know any of the parents of her so called friends. They should be told what their little bitches are like . It can't make it any worse for your dd.

Original poster

WelshBlackbird · 18/08/2014 00:55

Yes I know the "friends" and their parents. They live on the same road as us. I spoke to two of the parents, separately, just to let them know what is happening and mentioned the swimming incident. Neither parent was aware of the incident at the swimming pool but both immediately defended their daughters by saying "Ooh no I cant see my DD doing that. She wouldn't do that. I expect it was (named another child). They were in complete denial about there ever being a problem between the girls. One of the girls (whose mother I spoke to) texted DD the following day to let her know she was having a sleepover at her house with the other girls - except DD - who were at the swimming pool incident.

I just thought it was pointless pursuing it as I clearly was not going to get anywhere....

OP posts:

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 18/08/2014 11:47

Definitely time for a break for your DD. New school, new start, and hopefully a place where she can really thrive.

ohtobeanonymous · 20/08/2014 10:29

Welsh, it sounds as though the 'friends' don't have much of a chance of knowing any better judging by the parent responses.

Hope your DD thoroughly enjoys her new school!!

Original poster

WelshBlackbird · 20/08/2014 13:59

Just had a phone call - DD is in!!! Let's go uniform shopping then :) :) Thank you everyone! xxx

OP posts:

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 20/08/2014 14:46

Yay!! Fantastic news.

Now - one thing to watch out for (sorry) - it is possible, on a move to a new school, that the toxic kids from the previous school will know people at the new one (and so try to drip their poison into new ears).

So, in a fit of paranoia, I would tell your DD not to tell the old group of 'friends' where she is going (or their parents). Personally I would just leave them to wonder on Day 1 (and 2, and 3...) where your DD might be. It will give your DD time to forge new friendships.

Also, I would suggest your daughter gets a new telephone number, so she will not longer be texted with the 'we're having a sleepover and you're not invited' texts.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread