Preconceptions are there to many Russians and Chinese in private school?

[Kenlee]

Whilst reading through the threads. I find that there is a preconception amongst some. That the demographics of private school are now made up entirely of Russians and Chinese.

I however disagree. My daughter is the only ethnic Chinese in her year group and her best friend is the only Russian. The rest are local English girls.

I really don't think having one or two foreign students in your class will affect the outcome of your childs education.

Rant over....

I suppose 'giving things a go' for which one has no natural talent or inclination helps develop resilience, including in budding entrepreneurs, but also generate shared amusing memories.

We, without thinking it through, have brought our children up in a very success orientated part of Britain - Central London. As well as attending academic private schools, DC have attended a number of out of school activities. For some children, the pressure to excel is huge, and certainly till about 13 or so, the affluent ex-pat kids, with what might be described as Tiger Moms, seem to perform better than others. After that it seems to even out. If you don't find chemistry or maths easy, lots of tutoring might get you to GCSE but not much further. Ditto with sport or music. You can be technically very good but at some point natural talent shows through.

Some of these kids then have trouble adjusting. First to having to find their own drive and initiative. (In one or two cases you wonder if the mother plans to accompany them to college.) Second to not being the best. In all innocence other girls once pondered how DD could have achieved a gold in Junior Maths Challenge when she is not at the same very academic West London School that they attend, and indeed, as they pointed out, she is not even at the two or three schools that they might have considered as fallbacks.

Team sports, orchestra etc are good. If the school asks you to play, even if you are not the best. And the team captain will expect other girls to be kind to the last minute reserve, even if she did in fact "let the team down". There is a lot to be said for the playing fields of Eton.

Not just that but the medical evidence that suggests that being active when you are a teenager means stronger bones in later life, plus lots of oxygen in your blood stream may be good for brain development.

The activity my daughter enjoys most is the one where she is the only private school pupil. The other girls are committed and get on with things, but without the need to prove they are better.

Both DC have enjoyed their education and have good straightforward friends, but if I were starting again I would look more closely at the likely peer group at any school, perhaps looking for a wider willingness to participate. To us the willingness to try your best, even if you are not much good, and for that to be acceptable to your peers, is as important as being the best. The prize is potentially a life-long enjoyment/appreciation of sport, music, art or drama, a really valuable gift.

I completely agree with you Needmoresleep I think giving things a go also helps taking risks and adventuring outside one's comfort zone, something that many teenagers are loathe to do. There can be too much thinking of what looks good on a child's CV (!) rather than exploration.

I totally agree... That is why my DD is sent to an English Private school with quite a strong emphasis on having a go.

Great post needmoresleep.

Sleep made a good point about technically good in music and talent. The same is valid for "academic" areas. Good grades, tutoring, and lots of knowledge are addressing "technical". The routine association between academic and bright/intelligent is quite odd. And those who are bright musically/artistically or bright in sports are not recognised for being bright, just talented, only good subject grades seem to qualify as bright. These descriptors are everywhere in the forum too. I am equally guilty in jumping to thinking about good grades only when someone is described as bright.

There is a lot of value in team activities (orchestra for example), but the benefits of only team sports leading to team playing are questionable. Some of the most active players of cricket, rugby and football are also some of the most manipulative sources of office politics and bullying behaviour in my experience. Look at some of the celebrated team sports players when they go into business and public service. Not saying that it is always the case, but to suggest that team sports make team players is also wishful superstition.

Any interest or passion to prompt and maintain life-long curiosity is a good one including unfashionable and "out-dated" things like stamp collecting for example. Motivating children to do any kind of physical activity regularly is equally important. Never able to see the value of forcing children to play mandatory sports in most UK public schools, only enhances a child's objection to sports. Very few schools have a more positive attitude to encouraging any sport, enjoying outdoors and any passion.

Living together in a boarding situation (boarding is basically what this thread is about) is IMO excellent preparation for team playing later in life. The ability to live, work, sleep, play alongside 60 others some of whom you have little in common with, some who are very different personalities to yours and some who you simply might not like in a relatively confined environment I think is a very useful life skill particularly when you go out into the world of work. Then if you add in the opportunity to live with those from different parts of the world this can only be a positive factor in our globalised society.

I have to agree with Happy here. There is nothing better training than living and learning to deal with difficult people.

I will disagree. Navigating the development of self-esteem when a significant minority of peers appear to believe that value comes only from being very good at things, has been tricky. I am glad we were around, especially at the difficult 11-13 stage.

Schools don't always get it right. Aged about 7 DD came home demanding a tutor. One of her friends was tutored on Saturdays and Sundays. This girl's work was regularly displayed in the school's reception. Easy then for us to help DD to ignore the fact that she received less recognition for her own efforts.

In the round my children have benefited from growing up in an international cultural melting pot where expectations are high, and where there are a disproportionate number of high achieving private schools. They both have a good work ethic, and high but realistic aspirations, in part because the culture around them is hard working and achievement focussed.

Now they are in their older teens they have seen some of the early high achievers fall by the way-side. Some simply were not very bright , others rebelled at the pushing or found it difficult to switch to self-motivation. Plenty have done very well and are heading for world-ranked Universities, but often without having stepped far outside their regimented academic/music/sports bubble. This may not matter so much for those heading for broader degrees in the US where there will be a further four years to develop wider interests and learn that there is more to life than getting the grades, but may pose a problem for those then going to study for demanding and specialist degrees in the UK.

They may end up successful but it depends how you define success.

I suspect I am guilty of some big generalisations, and the pushy parenting we have witnessed is far from limited to Russians and Chinese. Its quite hard to describe how important I felt it was for my children to know that being "good enough" was OK, and being the best you can be was certainly OK. As xpatgb suggests, good grades are good but not everything.

Needmoresleep I think boarding means that children find out much earlier about independence from parental pushing and acquiring self motivation and that contributes to self esteem. Ok some may have tutoring during the holidays but in term time their work is their own.
Also I think somebody who fits in well with their peers and 'gives things a go' is perhaps more appreciated in a boarding environment as so much more time is spent together and engaged in different activities. That also contributes to self esteem.

Need we was given an email explicitly telling us not to allow our daughter to revise. Only to work on the few items that she did not cover well in her exams.

We will duly do that...So now my daughter is spending her time reading her book and playing the piano. Which she would not do with out pressure from us before she went. She still zones out on Korean dramas which I think is her favorite hobby. When confronted she says there is no real time to zone out at boarding.

So I do think independence is learnt earlier at boarding and that self reliance is instilled quite early on.

My ds plays computer games way more in the holidays than if he went to a day school. They get very little down time in a boarding environment. I also let him sleep as long as he likes (unless we have anything planned)