Sports Day for the non-sporty kids...is this fair?

[SadAboutTheBoy]

DS age 11 - one of youngest in his year - in first year of Senior School, so first Sports Day at the school.
He's quite a quiet, sensitive little boy, and hasn't found Senior School easy.

He's not good at sport (not as big/strong as the other kids in his year), and knows it. He is quite good at techy stuff and music etc.

So he comes home today and says that everyone has signed up for things for Sports Day, but that he isn't doing anything, and has been told he is to be a 'Reporter' - and that he has to write up a news report of what happens on the day.

I sensed that he was a bit upset and there was more to this, so probed a bit, and found out the following:

• the lists were being drawn up and co-ordinated by 6th formers in the same house (not teachers)
• they asked for volunteers for each event.
• DS said he volunteered for '7 or 8' different events, but on each occasion someone from his year group shouted him down and said ' No, don't put [DS] down for that, he's crap/ no, let me do that one, I'm much better/ oh God, we'll never win if you let him do that' and so on...

There were 3 or 4 of them (out of about 40 in his House) who were told there was 'nothing left' for them, and that they could be 'reporters'.
They are meant to write up a report after the day and hand it in the next day. The next day is the last day of term,so I don't believe this report will be used/read.

I am really angry about this. DS is trying to shrug it off, but I can tell he was upset.
I don't care that he isn't doing an event (although I thought that was the point of Sports Day?) but I do think this has been handled incredibly insensitively.

Do I mention it to his teacher/ Head of year/Head of Sport, or just let it lie?
I did think I might just tell them I'm taking him out of school that day and go and do something fun instead!

Herc, I'm sure you're right. Every child's different. Every school's different.

My two, decidedly non-sporty, DC loved primary school sports days but they were as much about "egg" and spoon races, sack races, tug of wars and having fun, as who was the fastest runner etc.

My DD2 has been the fastest runner every year in primary school. She still hates sports day. She won't be doing it this year - they let her get in such a state with heatstroke last year she ended up in hospital (not the only time that term either) so we've all agreed that she will be best served not doing it this year. She is very happy. She is doing a 3K fun run next week though (because we can be there for that and keep an eye on her). And it won't involve her being outside all day.

Hi op I think before you contact school you need to make it clear to you ds that there are massive differences between sports day at primary and sports day at secondary school. He's only just starting out at high school so will have no idea how senior school sports days work.

At primary school the focus of sports day is all on having fun and taking part.
At secondary school the focus seems to be more on competition and ego.

My poor dsd who is not very sporty herself insisted on being a part of sports day in yr 7 thinking it would be like primary school sports day. She ended up getting abuse from all the alpha sporting types when she came last. It really knocked her confidence.

You have already mentioned your ds is quiet and timid, would he be able to handle it well if he came last and then got abuse from all the other children for not winning? Especially more so if one of the alpha sports types got taken out of a race and replaced by your ds.

Imo he's had a lucky escape but then again I did everything I could to get out of sports day at school I was definitely not one of the sporting superstars it probably doesn't feel that way to him.

I think the reporter thing is a bit crap though. Do the whole school get out of lessons on sports day to watch? If so can he do his report while he is watching as I'm sure it will get a bit boring for him watching all day.

I'm sure at my dsd's school sports days non competing children are supposed to do some work though I know they dont even ask for it the next day so she doesn't bother now.

Thanks - all good, helpful responses, and yes, quite a lot of what I was thinking anyway.
Always useful to have the debate on here, rather than firing off an email late at night, only to regret it the following morning!

I know I sound like an overprotective Year 7 mum, but I actually have a DD further up the school, so my response is partly because I don't remember this being a problem with her.

The school has changed quite a bit since she joined - was previously very academic/ music/ arts/ community, and sport was good, but not the best in the area, and I expect they were probably losing applicants to other schools as a result. So in the last year there were some senior sport teaching appointments, and now it seems that all we hear about is sport, sport, sport all the time. It's very dull.

I also find the idea that every child who isn't into competitive sport must be secretly striving to get into a sports team silly - it just isn't the case. I think that's part of the problem - the 'alpha sports' families just don't understand that there can be plenty of other fulfilling aspects of life, thank you.
Nor does 'not into team sports' automatically= unfit or lacking in competitive spirit.
DS is ambitious for other things. He wants to be top in certain subjects, he wants to have a lead role in a school production (VERY competitive in auditions), he wants to win a film-making competition. But these things don't get profiled and paraded like sport achievements. Last term he was the only First Former asked to perform in the end of term concert, but only the parents and other students performing would know that. Unlike Sports Day, attendance at the Spring concert isn't compulsory for the whole school!

He and I aren't particularly bothered that he isn't in an event, but I don't think that at 11 he should have to be subjected to such verbal abuse.
And how sad that this experience will probably ensure that he just doesn't bother with either PE or games in the future.
Nor do I think attendance at Sports Days should be compulsory for those kids just left sitting around.

Sad - I know what you mean. DD1 has been in a national ensemble for 4 years now. This year is the first year she's been profiled in the regular messages to parents about achievement. We hear about what seem to me quite minor (regional) sports successes all the time. Hey ho. At least they are paying attention now.

Alpha sports families do tend to shout very loud.

what verbal abuse? I missed that

Verbal Abuse should be dealt with, talk to the school.

Or do you mean the older kids saying your DS isn't very good? That is not nice, and I'd hate that, but not sure it is verbal abuse?

I think the issue really is not about participating in sports say, but about being humiliated when you attempt to participate.

My DS would also see this as a result but he has never wanted to have his lack of sporting ability on public show. However, I can see that it is unfair that your DS wants to take part but has not been given the chance to, especially given the inclusive ethos of your school.

This year DS was 'told' he would have to do the 800 or 1500m - he has negotiated with those making the decisions (House Captains etc) that he will do the house maths competition for them instead

I did not realise there was rounders and cricket too. That puts a slightly different perspective on it. I assumed it was athletics on sports day. How can the children do all these activities on one day?

However, at my DDs school, those with the most aptitude were selected for what they were good at and no-one was humiliated. My non sporty DD1 thought this was good although as House Captain she had to run 800m when there was a no show from a day girl. I heard parents laughing at her because she was last and slow! Her team applauded her because she got the points for being last! Every point counts! The point I was making, rather clumsily is that Sports Day is seen, in a senior school, as the day the sports stars are on show in front of their parents and peers. It is their day. At my DDs school they made a big thing of "sport for all", that is until the House would not win the cup by including the non sporty ones or the badminton team of less sporty girls lost all their matches and the team was largely replaced with sportier types. Yes, the girls did feel left out and rejected, no it was not fair, but, unfortunately schools will do this because they are independent. He may just have to take this on the chin and shine at other things. My non sporty DD organised and choreographed the winning Haka! She can't run but she could get the whole House working together in joyous scary defiance!

"I also find the idea that every child who isn't into competitive sport must be secretly striving to get into a sports team silly - it just isn't the case. I think that's part of the problem - the 'alpha sports' families just don't understand that there can be plenty of other fulfilling aspects of life, thank you."

I do find this interesting. I hope you don't mind, OP- if I make this a more general discussion about the role of sport because I've been thinking about it a lot. I have a musical, drama mad son. It is possible for him to be openly musical and drama mad at school because he is also very sporty. Many of his friends either don't do anything drama-y or musical at school at all-or keep a very low profile, but ds can be the person he wants to be because he is also captain of the football team, a very successful wicket keeper and (as of today) under 15 1500m record holder. His sporting achievements seem to make it OK to do other stuff. And that can't be right. And it seems to be the same regardless of school type or sector. How do we change it?

Hakluyt. I always wondered why sporty children can have it all. Your DSs sportiness will be held in high esteem so he can do what he wants and this will gild the lily even further. For other children, it is not until sport is given equal weight with other achievements, that they will be given equal status and value in a school. In my old grammar school, colours were given for sporting achievement and nothing else. Many schools have a similar tradition where sport is the number one achievement because it is the one where the school competes against other schools on a regular basis. My DDs old school were regular national champions at hockey and tennis. This was the biggest success on the planet, plus they had the junior sprint world champion and a hugely talented gymnastics squad. Great if you are in these teams or in the same house as the sprinter who more or less won sports day for her House. Every year.

However, the talented musicians, actresses, dancers and even academically gifted children were never accorded the same status or had so much written about them in magazines or so many pages devoted to their achievements at Speech Day. Music competitions are largely in school with supportive parents in the audience. Same applies to drama productions and nearly everything else children do. Sport competitions are the only aspect of school life that go on largely outside school. The need to win therefore becomes super important. The people who help the school achieve their sporting and marketing aims are therefore the heroes. The child doing grade 8 singing or flute or who does the most amazing art is largely unnoticed, unless of course, they happen to be a brilliant sporty type too.

I've had similar myself today.

I coach sport, there is always a 'sensitive' child , who doesn't really want to be there. Sport is not for every body. Sport is sometimes not inclusive for everybody.

I work in school sport and also private clubs/classes. It just isn't for every child. No matter how much enthusiasm the teacher has some children it just doesn't sit well with. They are instinctively more attuned to a more academic role.

What wax the school supposed to do? Your child isn't interested in competitive sports - the other kids where. It's sports day.

My boys went to a bog standard primary school. It's probably now about 50/50 children from the council estate and children from the "naice" private estate.

Every year at end of school year, all the prizes given out were for being on the football team basketball team. tbf they did punch well above their weight in these sports with children from all walks of life going on to represent Scotland in youth competition in a number of sports.

However, what does annoy me is that there were no prizes or awards for the academic or non sports orientated things. Partly I guess they get rewarded daily by being able to achieve well in the class but it does make me sad. I was also a bit pissed off that No2 son came 2nd in a National competition in Maths against kids in high school while still only 10 and not only did he not receive the promised certificate, it wasn't even mentioned in the weekly assembly never mind the end of year one! and .

No1 son did really well in a chess competition and not only was it not mentioned in assembly, when it was mentioned in class it just gave the kids more reason to bully him.....but he was expected to go along and cheer these same kids on in a basketball tournament! I opted him out of that!

"His sporting achievements seem to make it OK to do other stuff. And that can't be right."

This is so true - there are 3 or 4 pupils in dd's year who are exceptionally academic. One of them is also very sporty, he is fine and doesn't get the grief that the others do. Luckily dd is confident and creative, and has now made friends in older years through clubs, but it sounds like a couple of the others really struggle.

"I work in school sport and also private clubs/classes. It just isn't for every child. No matter how much enthusiasm the teacher has some children it just doesn't sit well with. They are instinctively more attuned to a more academic role."

Sure, this is clearly the case - dd will skive any sport that doesn't involve horses or water - but the OP's son DID want to be involved, he was enthusiastic, if not talented. I'm really glad that dd can be part of her out of school lifesaving club and despite being the slowest in every race still feel valued and encouraged to hang in there and take part.

Hakluyt - "His sporting achievements seem to make it OK to do other stuff. And that can't be right."

I know it varies from school to school, but I think it DOES tend to differ by sector actually (at least that is my experience). In the Independent sector I think it's more often the case that academic, music and drama activities aren't 'dissed' in quite the same way by the sports crowd kids. There is a fair amount of respect for the ones who have lead roles in the school production, and the auditions are fierce competitions!

Unfortunately DS is in a particularly sporty 'Alpha Male' sort of class. He is the only one really into music/drama. But his form teacher says his classmates are all supportive and when it comes to things like class reviews etc they always say 'Oh we need [DS] for this - he's our drama expert'.

Interestingly, the only kids he had problems with teasing/name-calling in his first few months were a few boys who came from the local primary school, not from the independent feeder schools. Almost as if it was 'learned behaviour'.

DS's school has a strong reputation in music/the performing arts/ Maths competitions/ Chess etc etc which is why we chose it. However the changes in the last 12-18 months have been noticeable, and many parents feel they are not for the better!
I'm not anti-sport in any way, but I do object to the way it seems to dominate and take over the school agenda and newsletters. And I'm afraid I find some of the parents positively obsessed! We have one set of 'friends' whose son is into cricket, and is good, but not e.g. National level. Bloody hell - it's all they talk about! If we talked as much about chess, violin concertos, theatre etc they would soon turn off!

I do think it's most difficult for the non-sporty kids in Years 7 & 8. It takes those two years to work out where they fit in at senior school, and find the other like-minded individuals. For the sporty kids it's more clear cut - you go to training and get put in a team, and then build those friendships quite rapidly through matches/ weekly training etc.

There's always a couple of lucky souls who are all-rounders, and manage to achieve top grades, the A team, the lead role in the school play AND be a genuinely nice person, but mostly the kids tend to go in one direction or the other!

"Interestingly, the only kids he had problems with teasing/name-calling in his first few months were a few boys who came from the local primary school, not from the independent feeder schools. Almost as if it was 'learned behaviour'"

Are all the boys who told your son he would be rubbish at the sports day events ex state school kids too? The 6th formers who came up with the rubbish "be a reporter" idea?

Yes - I know it was a sweeping generalisation (although factually true in this case).
My kids have been to both State and Independent schools, so I have seen a bit of both, and I went to a very bog-standard comp where it was most definitely not cool to be in the school musical!

My experience in the two independent schools my kids have been at is that abusive comments about music/drama/ academia simply aren't tolerated, and in fact the culture has almost always been about celebrating success in whatever you do. Until about 18 months ago, our school seemed very good at that. Then staff changed, the focus on sport was ramped up, and a different sort of attitude is beginning to prevail.

If every school newsletter starts with 2 pages of sports results with pictures of all the teams at the local friendly match, but the fact that the chamber choir has been selected to sing at 10 Downing Street doesn't feature, then the students will make their own minds up about what is seen as valued and important...

You know if I made a sweeping generalisation about private schools I would be rightfully panned. Even if it was supported by personal anecdote.

But hey ho.

It wasn't actually a generalisation, it was an observation based on fact about something that happened.
Of course there are always exceptions and no doubt someone will be along soon to say 'not in my school' etc.
But my friend who is Yr 7 teacher in a local 'Good' Ofsted school says they simply have bigger daily battles to deal with than pulling up the kids for every last bit of disrespectful language, so the non-sporty kids do get called losers, gay and other delightful names and the loud-mouths get away with it. Quiet kids spend their lives trying to go unnoticed, rather than getting support from the school to grow in confidence and achieve their potential.

I think it's fair to say that part of what you pay for when you go independent is that culture of respect and support for achievement in all its forms.

"I think it's fair to say that part of what you pay for when you go independent is that culture of respect and support for achievement in all its forms."

You know, I don't think it's fair to say that all. But, as I said, hey ho. I thought this was turning into quite an interesting discussion about the role of sport in school and how achievement is measured. But if we have to start by accepting the position that "private schools automatically do this better than state schools" then that discussion becomes impossible.

Shame. I hope your son finds his niche in his school, and gets a chance to compete at sports day next year if that's what he wants. For what it's worth, I would encourage him to refuse to take on the "reporter" role.

Firstly, I would want to clarify exactly what happened.
Sometimes children come home and say things happened in a certain way, and on investigation, it wasnt quite like that. So when you say 3 or 4 were not picked for events, was it 3 or 4 or actually a bigger number. When he says everyone shouted his volunteering down, is that exactly what happened? How much of this is down to the House Captains and how much to the Staff?

If I were contacting the schools I would not be complaining, but enquiring,not establish the facts.
Perhaps email the Housemaster and enquire about how allocations to team places are made for each event. Is it completely done by the pupils? Is there an attempt to include everyone? How many people are not included? Is it usual for people to be report writing rather than participatng?

It is often better and brings a better end result to approach schools this way. Questions will mean they have to find answers. It may mean that they need to investigate and deal with some unsatisfactory practices. It may simply mean that you get answers and find out it wasn't exactly as your son reported it.....and Im not suggesting he is lying for a moment.
Perhaps reserve judgement until you have the answers to these questions.

And actually, as a separate issue, I would say there is a role for a report writer within all this.
Organising a sports team and event (as it sounds like the House Captains are doing) involves dishing out a variety of roles. Some of these might be scoring, timing, report writing, organising teas etc etc. all of these things seem valid to me and if each House is required to do them, different pupils can play to their strengths. Sports reports which a re published or read in assembly and hugely important for boosting the morale of Houses and building team spirit. They can be amusing and much looked forward to.
However, if it really is that only 1 or 2 are doing this against their will, and everyone else is joining in, then I can see this is a problem.

Many non-sporty types would much PREFER to write a report than take part in the activity itself. Personally I think that is fine, as long as they can't avoid sport altogether.

Why shouldn't they avoid school PE altogether?

I think it is right that physical activity is part of the curriculum. It is of benefit for children. We would not let them opt out of English and they should not be allowed to opt out of Sport of some sort. Clearly some like it more than others and opt into clubs, teams etc. Sports Day MIT be seen like this. However, I think some sport should be compulsory for all.
Why do you think it shouldn't, if that is what you are saying?