Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Sports Day for the non-sporty kids...is this fair?

84 replies

SadAboutTheBoy · 16/06/2014 17:29

DS age 11 - one of youngest in his year - in first year of Senior School, so first Sports Day at the school.
He's quite a quiet, sensitive little boy, and hasn't found Senior School easy.

He's not good at sport (not as big/strong as the other kids in his year), and knows it. He is quite good at techy stuff and music etc.

So he comes home today and says that everyone has signed up for things for Sports Day, but that he isn't doing anything, and has been told he is to be a 'Reporter' - and that he has to write up a news report of what happens on the day.

I sensed that he was a bit upset and there was more to this, so probed a bit, and found out the following:

  • the lists were being drawn up and co-ordinated by 6th formers in the same house (not teachers)
  • they asked for volunteers for each event.
  • DS said he volunteered for '7 or 8' different events, but on each occasion someone from his year group shouted him down and said ' No, don't put [DS] down for that, he's crap/ no, let me do that one, I'm much better/ oh God, we'll never win if you let him do that' and so on... Sad

There were 3 or 4 of them (out of about 40 in his House) who were told there was 'nothing left' for them, and that they could be 'reporters'.
They are meant to write up a report after the day and hand it in the next day. The next day is the last day of term,so I don't believe this report will be used/read.

I am really angry about this. DS is trying to shrug it off, but I can tell he was upset.
I don't care that he isn't doing an event (although I thought that was the point of Sports Day?) but I do think this has been handled incredibly insensitively.

Do I mention it to his teacher/ Head of year/Head of Sport, or just let it lie?
I did think I might just tell them I'm taking him out of school that day and go and do something fun instead!

OP posts:
ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 16/06/2014 22:13

Btw SadAboutTheBoy I also felt that it probably wouldn't be too helpful to wade initially in with my comments. But the school sent round a questionnaire asking for feedback. So I gave itGrin

I do also know a bit about well run sports events. My Dh is a qualified coach who helps to run events. And ds (who is very successful at his chosen sport) competes regularly and nationally.

My dd is not so inclined. Doesn't mean she should be subjected to some of the things she has during her PE lessons at school which have been completely unacceptable imho and would most def not be tolerated at any event my ds has attended.

If schools are trying to promote an enjoyment of exercise in general they're doing a pretty good job of turning some kids right off the subject. Some people avoid it at all costs for ever more because of poor memories at school. Others find only much later that they enjoy it but assumed for years they wouldn't. Depressing that things today aren't so different from the awful PE lessons I remember.

Post Olympics you couldn't move for sports heroes telling everyone to get moving and 'have a go' the length and breadth of the land and yet the very place (for some the only place) children get the chance to do so, ie school, makes them feel they should steer clear.

That's not a 'prizes for all, no-one must' lose mindset either. It's about tolerance and sportsmanship and being kinder.

titchy · 16/06/2014 22:21

I think at the very least the school needs some feedback on the organisational skills of their sixth formers. It's not that difficult to make sure you don't allocate 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc events to kids until you have made sure everyone who wants to compete has at least one event.

My dc's school makes everyone compete - but as one of the events is tug-of-war that serves as quite a good event for the unsporty without subjecting them to public humiliation.

Hakluyt · 16/06/2014 22:37

"Everyone has to learn to stand up for themselves. It's one of those "life lesson" things. Can only learn from practice, including unexpected opportunities."

Yes. But just possibly at the age of 11 when being shouted down by the "hearties" aided and abetted by the 6th form may not be the best learning opportunity?

HercShipwright · 16/06/2014 22:41

sweetie the sensible kids won't want to be involved. Why would a non sporty kid want to engage in such a foolish display? Far better to do something constructive and creative. Sports day is something for those kids who can't excel at anything useful. Far better to be a school reporter - that's something you can put on your PS and it's much more impressive than coming second from last in the sack race.

stayathomegardener · 16/06/2014 22:46

As a Mum with a DD in a small independent school I would suggest your DS has two choices.
Either dismisses sport and finds/accepts other roles on the day (book under tree sounds great)or takes up a sporting area he feels he could excel in and trains after school which is most likely what the sporty kids are doing with a view to taking part physically next year.

lljkk · 16/06/2014 22:48

Every opportunity is going to be sucky, Hakluyt. I'm not out to criticise the poor lad in a painful situation, it was a small point in my longer list. (I guess the rest of what I said is okay since no one has harped on about all that!) Just thinking that he won't be motivated to assert himself except after uncomfortable experience of what happens if he doesn't, this is one of those moments.

A kid who was lousy at sport but had confidence would have demanded a role anyway. The lack of confidence in OP's son was part of the difficult situation, it's a part that merits fixing as much as anything else.

Original poster
SadAboutTheBoy · 16/06/2014 22:51

HercShipwight - I like it - couldn't agree more!

DS2 has just come up with a great suggestion - we'll get DS a Morphsuit in the house colour, and then he can run around, incognito, photo-bombing every podium moment (as the House Mascot) and generally shaking people's hands, being photographed, and stealing the show. He will remain disguised throughout and then write a report ALL about the 'mystery mascot' with only passing reference to any sporting events... [ grin]

Oh, how I wish he had the confidence to do something like this!

OP posts:
HercShipwright · 16/06/2014 22:55

lljkk he's more likely to develop confidence by being given the opportunity to shine at something he could do well - reporting could be that thing - rather than by being forced to make up the numbers at something he can't do well.

Sorts day is, clearly, just fabulous for those who are good at school PE. It's rubbish for everyone else (and that includes people who may do plenty of physical activity, eg dance, gym, walking). A big part of the problem with sports day is that so many people talk it up into something it isn't. It's supremely unimportant in the big picture - and it's unimportant at a micro level too. Someone upthread described it as 'the big end of term event'. No school play then. No concert? No prize giving? Compared to those things sports day is pretty unimportant and irrelevant. Nice if you like PE but not something to wind your kids up about.

HercShipwright · 16/06/2014 23:01

sad that is an absolutely BRILLIANT idea. It gives him the chance to be creative, to have a laugh, and to do something genuinely quite original. And to prick the balloon of pomposity that some parents try to construct around sports day. Your sons sound great, both of them - I hope your DS1 does this. And how kind of your Ds2 to try and help his brother. That's a really lovely kind attitude to take.

willowisp · 16/06/2014 23:07

I'd be inclined to have a chat with the school about it - it's not encouraging for the kids that haven't shown promise...& how will they if no-one encourages them...on the other hand, why isn't he sporty ? What are you doing to support him ? everyone benefits from getting their heart beat going & (in my experience) with a bit of regular effort, you'd be surprised at what achievements can be made & it's fantastic for self esteem.

lljkk · 16/06/2014 23:14

A really confident kid would have said "Yeah, I don't like doing sport, is there anything else I could do instead?" and then they would have offered him the reporter instead & he might have been happy feeling that he chosen that rather than it being foisted on him. So being assertive would have helped him so much.

Or maybe the races could be doled out only so many events per person, so that the same few best athletes don't dominate. That part would bother me a lot if it is what happened. I notice in the athletics DD does that everybody seems to do the same number of events, even though a few of the kids are hugely better at everything than nearly all the others.

Original poster
SadAboutTheBoy · 16/06/2014 23:15

Willow - "why isn't he sporty" er... because not everyone is!

Believe me, we've tried... football, rugby, cricket, swimming... Team sport just isn't his thing. He doesn't like the people and the attitude that tends to go with it.

Just because he doesn't enjoy team sports doesn't mean he's not fit though. He's a very good skiier, enjoys cycling (and can easily out-cycle me uphill these days). He just dislikes the ra ra ra competitive thing.
But then so do DH & I, so no suprises there Smile

OP posts:
lljkk · 16/06/2014 23:22

... just talking to DD who is also up stupidly late about how her sports day organised.

Kids went to sports house captains (yr11s) & signed up for what they wanted (had to argue why they were good at it). Only so many competitive spaces so the rest do no sport but have specific jobs allocated to their forms. DD's form is to lead chants, she is busy making up rude rhymes about the other houses.

So yeah, plenty other ways to organise sports day that don't have to highlight individual weaknesses.

HercShipwright · 16/06/2014 23:24

Not liking school PE != not being fit. DD2 spends 6 hours a week in dancing lessons and quite a bit of time dancing outside those formal lessons. She also swims at least once a week and surfs and skims in the summer months. She would rather put her eyes out with a blunt fork than engage in school PE, or sports day.

fridayfreedom · 16/06/2014 23:39

Maybe he could write his report about his experience about how children were picked for the races and how he was excluded and whether that fits in with the ethos of the school?

willowisp · 16/06/2014 23:44

I think everyone has the ability to be sporty - get him out running, if he's a good cyclist, he's got an advantage.

I think it goes a bit deeper, now you've said he doesn't like the ra ra of it. I expect he enjoys praise & reward for academic work ? Perhaps what he doesn't like, is not the sport, but the fact he's not good at it ? Perhaps your & DH's attitude re-enforces this ?

Team sport is fantastic & he's missing out with this attitude...which will follow him where ever he goes.

fridayfreedom · 16/06/2014 23:47

Team sport is fantastic to those who enjoy it. It doesn't mean that he won't have team spirit in other areas of life and not liking team sports will not hold him back.

HercShipwright · 16/06/2014 23:48

Liking different things to (some) other people is not 'missing out'. It's being an individual not a sheep. I'm a runner myself, but I understand that it's not for everyone. What I don't understand is how some people can fail to grasp this simple fact.

Hakluyt · 16/06/2014 23:48

"He doesn't like the people and the attitude that tends to go with it."
Ah. My sympathy is starting to ebb away......

HercShipwright · 16/06/2014 23:52

Hakluyt - why? The OP has told us the prevailing attitude amongst the sporty PE types at her DS's school. Most posters in this thread don't like it either. Rightly so - it stinks.

BeckAndCall · 17/06/2014 07:15

I'm sorry but you just have to get used to the fact that sports day is mainly for the sporty - like exam season is best enjoyed by the academic types and music concerts are great for the musical. Not every child is good at everything.

You will develop a thicker skin and your DS will get used to it and will find his own way. But this first year of the expereince is difficuly, I'm sure. I remember feeling keenly for my kids in similar circumstances.

Spoken as one with 3 DC who have gone through very sporty indie schools and never been picked for anything on sports day. And would have hated coming last if they had have been picked. They have non sporty friends too with whom they could hang out under a tree. Or cheer on their sporty friends as they had their day to shine.

Rideronthestorm · 17/06/2014 07:31

Neither DSs was in the least interested in sport and would have loved to not have to do sports day. Unfortunately both were quite good and were forced into it, although both refused to be in school teams because of all the after school practices.

They chose to be involved in drama and music after school and you can't be involved in everything. The HT was fine with it but the PE teachers gave them both a hard time.

It's sad for your DS because he wants to take part but if you insist that he is included that will mean someone already down for an event will not be able to do it and he may not take that well.

The organisation is at fault so, if you have a word, ask for it to change next year but leave it to stand this year, maybe.

Phaedra11 · 17/06/2014 07:42

I think those who have queried why OP's son would want to take part when he is "non-sporty", are forgetting how young he is. As one of the youngest In Year 7, he is only a few months away from some of the older Year 6s, currently having a lot of fun at Primary School Sports Days, whatever their sporting ability.

My DC, 16 and 13, are not sporting types and would now be happy to avoid these events but at that age, DS1 especially, would have felt exactly as OP's DS does.

Sad, I do still think this is more likely due to bad organisation by the sixth formers, than a deliberate attempt by the school to exclude a vulnerable few. If I was you, I really would contact the school.

If the school really did intend this kind of outcome, I would question whether it was the right school for my child.

Phaedra11 · 17/06/2014 07:52

Just wanted to qualify my last post by saying that before contacting the school, I would talk to my DS and make sure he was happy with that and I that I knew his definite feelings about it all!

HercShipwright · 17/06/2014 07:57

Phaedra astoundingly not all Y6s enjoy or want to be involved in sports day.