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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Do your y7 DC go straight home after school?

35 replies

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 21/10/2013 16:36

My DD is 11 and just started in year 7. She is supposed to come straight home from school but far too often I have to go out looking for her as she has gone to a friends and has broken her phone.

Is this normal? Nothing I saw seems to be stopping her from doing it and it is causing me more stress than I need!

OP posts:

Ruprekt · 21/10/2013 16:39

Ds has just started in Y7.

Rules are he has to have his phone with him all the time. He must txt to say where he is going ie friends or into town.

I usually find him in his onesie doing homework when I get in.

No phone....tough! Grounded if he disappeared anywhere.

Get tough OP. She is only 11. And fgs.....get her phone fixed!

newgirl · 21/10/2013 16:40

Mine comes straight home if not doing sports club

Longtallsally · 21/10/2013 16:42

We had a simple rule in Y7. If ds texted me to let me know where he was and who he was with, I usually wouldn't object. If he didn't text, he couldn't go, and was expected home within 30 mins . . .

usualsuspect · 21/10/2013 16:45

Mine always had to come straight home from school.

Original poster

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 21/10/2013 16:48

I'm not sure if I should speak to the school. I have grounded her, explained to her about how worrying it is, got angry with her and she is still doing it.

Oh and even when her phone was working I used to try and phone her but it would go straight to answer phone.

Thank you for your replies.

OP posts:

TantrumsAndBalloons · 21/10/2013 16:48

Yes straight home unless we agreed otherwise in advance.

No going off to a friend without saying anything.

NettoSuperstar · 21/10/2013 16:49

DD comes more or less straight home, 15 minutes later than she should be and it's fine, anything after that and she'd get a bollocking.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 21/10/2013 16:50

I don't know what the school could do tbh.

It's going to up to you to make sure she follows the rules or sufferes the consequences.

Ruprekt · 21/10/2013 16:57

If ds did this, he would lose his ipad, computer, tv time.

What could you take away from her so that she would be bothered?

Money?
Make up?
Screen time?

You need to get tougher or she will continue to walk over you.

bigTillyMint · 21/10/2013 17:36

When mine were in Y7, they had to ring/text to check if it was OK for them to do something other than come straight home (unless previously arranged and agreed with me)

I virtually always said yes, and they had a time to be home by. If there was a delay, they had again to ring/text. They did not abuse this trust. I now do not have a set time to expect them home by - if I am concerned that they are late, I ring/text them and they explain.

I agree with Ruprekt, she needs to earn trust and you need to get tougher with other stuff till she keeps in contact with you properly.

Original poster

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 21/10/2013 18:09

She keeps saying that she was kept back by a teacher to do a test or to talk about something or that she has to help her friend with homework, I do not believe her.

She sees someone in school, like a learning mentor, and I didn't know if this was something they could discuss. She saw someone in primary school and I have been able to ask her to speak to DD1 before about issues.

I have said to DD1 that for the time being I will collect her from school myself but 3 days a week DD3 finishes at the same time as DD1 but is a 5 plus minute drive away and then I have to pick up DD2 20 minutes later around the corner from DD3. I was hoping that on the days I can't pick her straight up she can wait in, or near, to reception.

It has been mentioned that DD1 could possibly have some kind of learning difficulties and she will literally talk to anyone, and everyone!

OP posts:

Ruprekt · 21/10/2013 18:53

I would give her 30 mins to get home from school finish.

Then consequences would occur.

bigTillyMint · 21/10/2013 19:15

Ah, ThreeD's. Maybe you should talk to the school about getting her assessed if you are concerned about her being vulnerable?

Original poster

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 21/10/2013 19:21

She is going through CAMHS and the school have been made aware of the concerns. I had wanted to give her a bit more freedom but think it might need to wait a while longer.

Thank you.

OP posts:

teenagetantrums · 21/10/2013 19:56

its many years ago sine mine were in Y7 and i remember the first time my DS wasn't home by 6.30 and so two hours late by then, he had no clue how worried i was, after that i laid down the law, he had to be home by 5pm that gave him an hour to mess around with friends, if he was going to be later he had to text and ask, worked finned with him. DD was another story altogether but now is the time you need to lay down rules and also give the msome freedom

cory · 21/10/2013 20:25

Straight is a relative term. Ds does walk home from school but it takes him a good hour to do a 35 minute walk. I accept that but if he wants to go off elsewhere he has to touch base with home first.

Original poster

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 21/10/2013 21:20

It should take DD1 15 minutes to get home but I am still out picking up DD2 and DD3 then so even if she took 30 - 40 minutes I would be happy but she is going to a friends house without letting me know and it is then anything between 1 and 3 hours! 3 times in the last week and a half I have had to drive around looking for her.

OP posts:

HSMMaCM · 21/10/2013 21:52

If she's at school they can phone you. If she's at a friends, then she can't go unless she checks with you first. If her phone's broken, she comes home.

sandyballs · 22/10/2013 09:09

Mine have to ring me if they aren't going straight home. If their phones are out of battery I expect them to use a friends. After a few hiccups they've got good at this.

InMySpareTime · 22/10/2013 09:18

DS is Y7, and seems to have a sport club after school most days. Yesterday he didn't so he spent an hour in the school gym instead.
He doesn't have a phone, I trust that he knows how to keep himself safe, and feel that phones at best give a false sense of security and at worst actually put children at higher risk (mugging, distraction on roads, cyber bullying etc.)
Most of DS's peer group have phones but they just mess about with them and download fart noise apps. They have to switch them off during school anyway, and rarely switch them on afterwards (except to make fart noises).
Why do people think phones keep children safe?

Ruprekt · 22/10/2013 11:55

Inmysparetime

I like ds to have a phone so he can call me and let me know where he is....things change through the day and he might want to go into town after school or a friend's house.

He txts me to let me know what he is doing.

Without a phone he would be screwed as he would go nonwhere!

InMySpareTime · 22/10/2013 12:41

Practicality is one thing, but a lot of parents believe phones keep DCs safe, and I'm not convinced that is borne out by facts.
If DS wants to go to his friends' houses after school, he comes home first to change and ditch his school bag. He then tells me where he's going and whether he's staying for tea.
One of these years it'll be practical for him to have a phone, but certainly not yet, I'd like him to at least have a means of paying the bill.

Lottie4 · 22/10/2013 14:29

My daughter is in Year 8 and sometimes will stop off at a friends house, go to the shops, go to school library etc. We're only 5 mins from the school and the rule is that she either has to pop in here first and tell me or she has to phone if she is going to be more than 15 minutes late. About 20% of the time she seems to forget to phone me, but I'm lucky to now have the home telephone numbers of all her friends, so I phone them. She has to accept if she doesn't phone me, then she'll have the embarrassment of Mum checking up on her.

Think you need to ensure she has a phone, so she has no excuse. You say hers is broken, so maybe it's being repaired. If not, then there are some really cheap ones around. Do get the telephone numbers of friends she's likely to be with. If it continues to happen, then I'd be tempted to tell her you'll be there at the end of the school day to meet her and discuss whether she can/can't see a friend - she will hate this, so may learn from this.

We live in what I think is a decent area, despite this there have been four cases in the last couple of years of children being approached by men on foot or in vans. A mobile might not keep them totally safe, but I find it reassuring to know where my daughter is, or if she did have a problem and need help, she may be able to phone.

InMySpareTime · 22/10/2013 16:06

If someone approached DS on foot or in a van, I'd rather he ran away from them (ideally straight home) than phoned me, personally.

irregularegular · 22/10/2013 16:11

Yes, absolutely. She wouldn't dream of doing anything else without contacting us.

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