Do your y7 DC go straight home after school?

[ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches]

My DD is 11 and just started in year 7. She is supposed to come straight home from school but far too often I have to go out looking for her as she has gone to a friends and has broken her phone.

Is this normal? Nothing I saw seems to be stopping her from doing it and it is causing me more stress than I need!

My Y7 DD stays at school for prep or activities on the days that I can pick her up (at 5pm). If I can't pick her up she takes a bus or train home straight after school.

Obviously, you would rather they ran away first but if they have a phone they could then ring you.

Sounds like you are being obstreperous SpareTime.

But at the point where they have run away from the danger, what's the point of phoning?
Surely they're better just coming home?
I don't see how a phone makes a child safer in that circumstance. If you do, please tell me.

InMySpareTime I don't think anyone is suggesting that a phone keeps you safe in every possible eventuality. Quite obviously, if a man in a van approached you, running would be the appropriate course of action.

However, a phone is a handy tool for updating your parents about where you are and what you are doing. Or, indeed, asking for help if something unexpected happens. For example, phoning to arrange a lift if transport arrangements fall apart - instead of walking home alone. In that situation, a phone would be a perfectly valid "safety" measure.

OP - I agree with others, you need to find a way of laying down the law. "My phone is broken" is not a valid reason for failing to keep in touch. My year 7 definitely dawdles on the way home and we are still working on her time-keeping with regard to being home at a specified time. But it does sound like your daughter is pushing it.

My yr7 dd comes home to an empty house, so I have to trust her to come straight home.
She texts me when she's on the bus ....or somebody else's bus as she's going home with them. I'm fine with that, all friends are within walking distance of home.

In yr6 she went home with her friend, her mum told my dd she'd let me know, she didn't. By the time I'd searched the route home, stopped by friend's houses (including where she was), she was over an hour late. Her mum rang when I was on to the police! She felt awful for her oversight and it taught my dd a valuable lesson. After that, she got a phone, now it is her responsibility to tell me where she is, not some forgetful mother!

Yes if he lets me know (but he is a school bus ride away and he would have to ask as I would need to pick him up) - he is yr9 now btw.

Your Dd is secondary now, old enough to understand the consequences of staying behind to help her friend with homework and not letting you know. A teacher should not keep a child behind for a test. Only for a detention and any more than 20 mins they have to let you know beforehand.

I get many calls from parents of yr7's saying their child hasn't come home and can I look for them in school to see if they are doing a club or a detention. The answer is if they are doing a club they should have talked to the parents beforehand to let them know and classrooms don't have phones in them and I cannot leave my desk.

Majority of time, these kids are dawdling with their friends and have gone to someone's house to hang out.

I once had a parent of two yr10 girl twins ring an hour after school saying her girls had gone to the racecourse when they shouldn't have done straight from school (think there might have been a fun fair on) and what was I going to do about it. Fuck all!

My dd year 8 and just like when I was in secondary, right though to when leaving secondary, will have to bring her merry bottom straight home.

Tbh, sounds like it has gone a little off track already and will be difficult to rein back in. I do have friends however, in similar positions so you're not alone. I have often wondered how it got to that situation in the first instance and really struggle to come to a conclusion. They were good parents, always on it and something happened once the child hit secondary.

I know one mum who when her child asked just said a blanket no from the off. It wasn't made a topic open for discussion either. For us there are usually so many after school activities and homework which has to be handed in the following day, going anywhere after school just wouldn't be feasible. Maybe that's a solution, to make her life so busy doing more constructive things during the week? Don't know, just a suggestion. Or call Parentline for advice - they're brilliant.

Good luck OP.

DS Yr7 is expected to come straight home after school or clubs. To be honest, he is so exhausted home is where he wants to be! Plus he has an average of 60 min homework everyday plus 45 min music practice. The only exception to the rule is if he wants/needs to stay in the library for homework. He needs to text and ask first, though.

In answer to your OP, no, my dd doesn't always come directly home. They seem to take turns to go to different friends houses, or sometimes just stroll slowly, chatting, rather than a route march home. I actually think this is a really important part of being a (pre) teen - the social aspect and the chance to just chat freely with your mates.
That said, she not only has her (very basic, PAYG) phone on her, but I also have the numbers of her two or 3 closest friends in my phone, so if I were worried, then I could ring her, and if she ever didn't pick up, I still have a couple of other numbers I could ring to see if they knew where she was. The expectation is that she will be home within an hour or so of her finishing school, or that she will contact me to let me know where she is.

Of course, the information you've put in your 2nd and 3rd posts puts a different perspective on it all.

urbancupcake my daughter plays two musical instruments, does Scouts, choir, drama, rock climbing and science club, completes all her homework on time ... and STILL has time for a bit of mooching around on the way home from school with her friends. So not coming straight home is certainly not incompatible with spending time "constructively".

I tend to agree with others that a certain amount of strolling around with friends is an essential part of the secondary school experience. Personally I did used to go straight home, but chose to walk rather than get the bus, in order to have a bit of pointless ambling time. But I agree that the OP's daughter is currently taking the p...