All Girls School

[tigertwist]

Hi
DD off to an all girls (state GS) in September and as the time is getting closer was wanting to hear from anyone who may have experiences of an all girls environment for their DD.

She's my pfb so am worrying about every little thing! She's in a mixed primary and used to having the boys around and yet is more than happy to go on to an all girls school too. I guess as her parent am worrying that the 'bitchiness' may be more rife? Do they mix well with boys out of school socially? Do they still do the 'fashion' 'make up' thing even when no boys around?

I know there are pros and cons to everything- including single gender education but having no personal experience of it myself would really value people's opinions.

The pros tend to be academic - separate education means that there is no gender based assumptions about girls or boys being more suited/able in particular subjects. Also, there is no on site sexual distraction or gender bullying. And things like a flooded skirt when dealing with erratic early periods are more likely to be met with sympathy than teasing.

The cons tend to be social - lack of exposure to the opposite sex gives the opportunity for stereotyping and mythologising. This is, I think, the easier one to counteract though out of school activities.

I went to an all girls school and loved it. My school days experience is that is was no more bitchy etc than the co-ed school I moved to during year 9 (due to house move). Out of the 2 I preferred the all girls.

Roll forward 25 years and my DD has just started at a girls school (last Sept into yr 9). Academically I am impressed, Socially - dissapointed. Its hard to tell because she is my eldest so we are experiencing teenage life for the 1st time - but all her friends seem so insecure in themselve, bitch about every aspect every 2 minutes, rip each other to shreds on every level possible - feeding the insecurties. DDs self esteem has taken a huge nose dive. DD has seen self harm first hand on several occassions - it seems the norm. She has seen friends make themselves sick after lunch.

Are these normal teenage girl stuff seen in any school - co ed or otherwise?? Maybe?? I dont know. Are these just more prone in girls schools?? Again no idea but I have had others say to things that sting a bit like "thats why we went co-ed" - so perhaps everyone else was in on something I was not. Who knows - these issues maybe just this prevailent in my DDs school for whatever reason and not the norm.

Either way I am dissapointed and the school has not endeared itself to me and I feel I am always on red alert for the next shitty thing I will hear and be told. Once again - is this normal for teen parenting???

They do fashion, make-up, waxing, peircing, hair dye etc and whatever the latest phase is. They are like sheep (lack of self esteem??) and makes me want to scream. Individulaity seems so uncool.

The majority of boys and girls from ds's school went to single sex secondaries. Nearly all of them kept in touch via social media and meet ups and ds is still good friends with many of the girls now he is in the sixth form.

Ooops posted too soon - sorry.

Wanted to add - for all that I have posted that on the whole DD is doing OK. She seems happy enough day to day. Academically she is flying butI do feel thats not the be all and end all tbh.

Her self esteem we are working on and I do think teen girls have a tough time anyway with this regardless of what type of school they attend.

Maybe I was naive but I have been shocked in how different my DD has become in such a short while. Maybe all of what I have written is normal for teen girls in any school. Maybe it is not.

Perhaps others will share.

Wow! Now feeling a bit nervous! DD is what I guess others would describe as a bit 'square', doesn't like to break rules, aims to please ect though would she be seen as very 'uncool'. I bring her up encouraging her to be true to herself, and to be a driver not passenger but it just seems everyone just wants to fit in. I don't want her to loose herself if that makes sense.

runs to wrap her up in cotton wool and me fetch a

Dd1 is at an all girls state gs in year 9 dd2 will be joining in September. On the whole I think it's been great for dd. whilst there is some bitching I don't think that there is any more than there would be in a mixed school as surely the presence of boys leads to issues amongst the girls. Academically she's flying, never any mention of girls or boys subjects or any sexism at all. They all look out for each other, dd was telling me recently how sewwt is was to see the year sevens clutching hot water bottles that they get given if they have period pains - I bet you don't get that in a mixed school.

Whilst of course there will always be the popular girls dd's friends are very accepting of everyone, there are a few openly gay girls. There's a gay couple in the year above and the girls often comment on how sweet they are together.

The only downside is that I think dd1 would like to know some boys now and she doesn't get any opportunities, of course as her mother I think there's plenty of time for that.

I think you may be right and it may just be a girl thing, irrespective if one goes to single gender or mixed. I guess I was wondering if her going to an all girls, inflates any social concerns that may occur. How pastoral care is conducted was a very big part of my thinking when making a decision about her secondary schooling. Academia actually came after. I feel confident, as much as I can from researching etc, the pastoral side at the particular school is excellent. Doesn't stop the worrying though. Thank you for input.

DD has been at an all girls school. She really wanted to go there which was a plus. (we also looked at co-ed). At the time she went there she thought that boys were immature etc etc. Foertunately her school is twinned with a boys school so there were joint social and extracurricular activities, but no gender stereotyping and distractions in the classroom.
She has been happy there. While she has witnessed some girly bitchiness etc, she has not been involved and the school has been very strict in dealing with this. I guess it is down to the discipline in each school as to whether this is the norm.

She will be in 6th year next year and that is joined up with the boys school so is co-ed. The schools explain this as getting ready for adult life.

I went to an all girls school, and was happy with that up until 6th form. I wish had gone to the local sixth form college at that point, and not stayed on for the sixth form. I did, however, go to sea cadets out of school which was mixed.

My pfb dd1 is also starting secondary school in September and is going to an all girls school (state, non-selective) - she is happy about there being no boys (for now). She is a Scout, so I am hoping that she will keep in touch with some of the boys (and girls) from primary school this way. I will definitely think about moving her for sixth form though.

I have a dd in Yr9 at a girls, state comp, and another due to start in September. Obviously so far, can only speak for dd1, although the fact we are sending dd2 there too, perhaps says something too.

1. Not come across any bitchiness - but I suspect dd1 would just raise her eyebrow at them and rise above it.
2. dd1 mixes with boys socially, possibly more so than girls, but that might be related to her hobbies / pastimes out of school
3. dd1 doesn't bother with fashion or make up - but there are girls at her school that do. I guess that depends on the individual girl, wherever they happen to go to school.

I went to an all girls' school too. I loved it. Like my dds though, school was only one part of my life, and I (and my dds) continued to mix with all sorts of other people through Church, through Scouts, through other activities, and the fact they have a brother, who also has friends, etc. Boys are not, and never have been considered anything 'unknown', or particularly different.

I think the bitchiness is just about teenage girls being teenage girls, to be honest. DD1 is in Yr7 at a mixed comprehensive, and there is a lot of bitching even there. She's lucky that there's quite a large group of 'geeky' (read: academically able, well-behaved) girls who have as a group decided that education is more important than fashion, make-up and boys, so she's well supported, but the bitchy ones are as bad as they are anywhere.

That said, I would never send my children to a single sex school, I just don't believe in them. I agree, because there is evidence, that single sex teaching for certain subjects works, but I think this should really be implemented in a generally co-ed setting. Teenage girls have to learn to handle the distractions, so do teenage boys - shielding them from real life will not do them any good.

My 3 DDs all went to/are at a girls independent school.
They all loved it and in hindsight it was the best thing for them. The academic nature of the school meant they were all quite happily hard working and the atmosphere is just different and special. (Sorry not a great description as to why its special- I can't describe it!) I think my DDs perhaps gained confidence and ambition, in a way they wouldn't have at a co-ed school. There was an atmosphere of acceptance as well- with an all girls school there are a lot more girls to choose from to find your 'type'. All personalities found true friends who they were comfortable with.

They all were still very into fashion/make up. They went to a girls school with a boys school just down the road, they from an early age met up with boys from the boys school for discos and parties and then later on they would socialise with them on the train, at weekends and by sixth form lunchtime and some lessons/extra curricular things.
My two older DDs both had boyfriends during sixth form, DD who is in year 10 has a 'boyfriend' but I am yet to meet him (it seems to be a texting/shopping boyfriend still, fairly innocent) before they started I was always a bit anxious they would miss out on experiences like that and the vital learning curve about the opposite gender that comes with it! In some ways the boys not being physically there didn't mean they weren't taking about boys or didn't fall out over boys.

I can't compare as all my DC always have gone to single-sex schools simply because near to us the best schools are single sex and no co-ed school really compares academically.
They had no problems going off to uni and mixing with boys socially or in seminars/lectures.

O yes and bitchiness happens anywhere- it is just a teenage girl thing. IMO it is almost important they do go through it to help them cope and be resilient in the real world, where woman can remain fairly catty.

Thanks again for all the valuable opinions and feedback. It really is helpful to hear everyone's experiences. DD really isn't into the fashion/make up thing herself (yet) and is adamant she likes to have her own style. It's hard. I want her to be an individual, but also kind of want her to fit in at the same time She has sibling brothers so used to boys and of course has been in a mixed school since reception so they certainly aren't alien to her. I would like her to carry on with forming friendships with them out of school. Just need to work out how ??

I am a great believer in single sex education.

Not because I believe girls learn differently to boys, but because I think they are treated differently to each other in a school environment (as well as in every other environment......).

DD1 is at a girls grammar. She is a bit geeky, TBH, and that's fine, because so are her friends. Even so, she is on good terms with almost all the girls in her class, and will chat to them, socially.

As far as socialising with boys is concerned, she has never wanted to go to the school discos where boys from the nearby boys' grammar are invited, although lots of the girls do. She travels on the train to school, and they often sit with boys from the boys' Grammar. She also has a few hobbies where she meets boys, and I can see friendships with some of them forming in the next year or so.

I went to a coed, and was bullied by boys and girls alike. There was no shortage of bitchiness, if that is what you want to call nastiness when performed by girls.

At the equivalent of A level, at my school, I was one of three girls studying the equivalent of further maths, in a class of about 20. There were two girls studying physics. At the nearby girls' school, they had full classes of these subjects. On the other hand, there was one boy in my English Literature class, of about 20.

DD has been in a single sex primary and is going to a single sex secondary.

She doesn't mix with boys at school on a daily basis, true, but she doesn't live in a bubble either.

There are boys in her drama group, there are boys who she plays with on our street, she knows boys from family friends, and her school do various bits of work with boys from the boy's school.

DD knows boys, she plays with boys, she chats to boys. She's 11y and at the moment boys are just friends who are the opposite sex. She's not into the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing tbh. None of her friends are really.

She's had no issue with the gender thing at school either. They have a mixed curriculum and get involved with lots of stuff. Gender just doesn't come into it when it comes to the curriculum tbh. Hopefully her secondary will be the same.

tigertwist - it will happen if she continues, or starts out of school activities that have either an equal (or higher) ratio of boys : girls.
Whether that's orchestra or Youth club, Scouts or drama, it doesn't matter (you can usually only persuade a teen to go to something they want to go to anyway), but just try to engineer it to being a mixed activity rather than a single sex one for whatever hobby / activity she likes.

GBG family here.

All at/have attended single sex grammars. However it's 2 separate schools on one site and so they mix on transport /at the bus stop etc and extra curricular stuff eg music and drama is generally mixed.

Seems to be a great way to work things. Ok it's an academic set up. all the girls do 3 sciences and there is no issues taking that through to A2. There is a hint of boy peer pressure against arty subjects but it's only a hint. It is still celebrated as a " good thing" for instance that the have a full 4 part choir with trebles and big rugby players all singing etc

Thanks BackForGood for the tips on out of school activities. Yes there is a kind of 'boys version' of the school so perhaps they get to meet up during any social events that may occur. Obviously having no one I know with a DD at the school am a bit out of touch how it all works. All new to us. She's not into boys in that way at all (fine by me) or see them as anything more than people who sometimes make jokes in class and make her laugh, but as she gets older I want her to feel comfortable around them if that makes sense.

Yes, I second the advise about after school activities- my DDs did them in many different shapes and forms over the years (swimming club, orchestra, drama group, athletics club) and that was a key in them having male friends and being comfortable around boys who weren't their brother!

I teach and am mother of boys. I have taught for years in mixed. Now teach in all girls. If i had a girl deffo an all girls school. The girls who have learning needs get so much attention as do those who need pushing and those who are bright. Boys, bless them, take soooo much attention in a class room. Also there is far less overt sexualised behaviour from the girls with no boys around. Boys benefit from mixed, girls benefit from single sex as long as they do activities outside where they mix with boys. The only thing I find is that girls measure themselves against each other and often middle of the road girls have low self esteme cause they are not getting A grades whereas in a mixed school there is usually some boys who have a more risk taking and laid back approach to their grades which van lighten the load a little for the girls.

I have two DDs who both went to the same girls' indie, DD1 experienced all the best aspects of a girls' academic school, and was very happy, but she was in a year where they had a basic level of respect for each other. DD2s year could not have been more different, a group of attention seeking madams (with it should be said very sad backstories) subverted the group norms to set themselves up as the exclusive cool group with everyone else as fodder for their self esteem; constant manipulation, under the radar bullying, disruption in classes and "incidents" outside school (drugs, sex blogs etc.) and the normalisation of self harm and anorexia. Sometimes you get these dysfunctional cohorts in every school. DD2 has now moved to a coed for sixth and the atmosphere could not be more different. It has taken her a year to have faith in her fellow pupil's decency and friendliness though, so paranoid had these girls' behaviour made her. I just wish we had got her out of there sooner.

DD went to a co-ed secondary followed by two independent girls schools. She felt the bitching was worse at the state co-ed secondary whereas the more prestigious girls indie school had the most relaxed atmosphere of them all. DS's prep used to be single sex & there were no girls in his year or the year above. DS's year group were a delight, while the bunch of boys in the year above were the bitchiest bunch of you could ever meet!

Just shows its not just girls who can be horrible.

Well, it depends what you want I suppose. I went to a state girls grammar school. It was fine at the time, but looking back it was not great for me. I was (am) shy and although it might have been good in an academic sense, I found it really really hard to get on with boys. University was a steep learning curve! Part of education, imo, is learning to get on with everyone, not just girls.

Dh went to a boys school and hated hated hated it. So we are both for co-ed and I'm anti grammar schools. Not sure what that tells you about our experiences! Glad my dc are going to co-ed comp.