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Secondary education

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Original poster

Parents evening..how would you feel if..

130 replies

seeker · 25/04/2013 08:59

....one of your child's key teachers said they couldn't attend parent's evening at all because it clashed with their own child's parents evening at another school?

OP posts:
Loshad · 26/04/2013 22:03

I am amazed his teacher was allowed to skip the evening, very unprofessional of her imo. I have had to miss my own children's parents evenings on the odd occasion, however it is much easier for me to contact those staff, than miss appointments for 40 students (apart from the really poor impression it gives the parents if you don't tip up), and it is my job, I am paid (obliged) to be there.
I don't find parents evening useless, i find them useful, and a good way of starting to get to know parents, so if you ever have to phone over a problem you have a little bit of an idea as to whether they are supportive of school or not.

Original poster
seeker · 26/04/2013 22:07

Are there any signs that I am not relaxed? Oh, apart from people telling me I'm not?

OP posts:
Yellowtip · 26/04/2013 22:14

I'm not bickering Fallen I'm saying that in technical speak Spanish in Y7 isn't 'key'. Claiming that it is is hyperbolic. That's really just saying why be dramatic.

seeker apart from appearing to hugely obsess about every last detail of your DCs' education and appeal for the grammar school even after you're told 'no', then no, nothing unrelaxed whatsoever.

TheFallenMadonna · 26/04/2013 22:17

"Key subject" isn't a technical term. "Core" is...

I teach a core subject, yet I certainly see MFL as "key" for my year 7 DS.

Original poster
seeker · 26/04/2013 22:18

Yellowtip- do you think that was fair? Or was it unkind, mean spirited and rather nasty?

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 26/04/2013 22:20

As a teacher and a parent, I can categorically say that MY child is more important to me than YOUR child. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

If there was no alternative, then yes, I would go to my own DC's parents evening.

And those of you claiming that this would disadvantage "80 sets of parents", please- how long are parents' evenings at these schools? We get 30 appointment slots, so inevitably have to call parents who couldn't be seen.

TheFallenMadonna · 26/04/2013 22:24

My child may be more important to me than students, but I have a professional responsibility, and if I wanted the flexibility to prioritise my children's school activities, I would be in a different job. Where I would probably have to use holiday childcare. As it is, DH has the flexibility, and I have the holidays.

teacherwith2kids · 26/04/2013 22:25

In seeker's defence, her DS is in a school where his ability (as measured e.g. by his SAT results and general performance rather than a 1 off 11+ exam) is rare, and is therefore having to be very involved in order to ensure that he gets all the opportunities he needs to progress.

Other parents of 'gifted in their specific context' children post for support and information about e.g. challenges for able children, access to specific facilities for extra-curricular art / music / dance on Mumsnet, and are not generally flamed [except where ability seems purely in the imagination of the parent, and in seeker's case, SATs result etc seem to back her view up].

Seeker is, it seems to me, having to engineer an education suitable for a bright child out of a school that specialises in the lower portion of the ability range plus other opportunties that she identifies. That's hard work. My parents did something very similar for my brothers - and for me during primary - and it was hard work then, too (I remember belonging to every library in a 30 mile radius of our small rural town, pulling an piano teacher out of retirement because she was the only one who took pupils after Grade 5, travelling monthly to regional NAGC meetings to try to meet up with some peers). A certain amount of obsessiveness comes with the territory!

EvilTwins · 26/04/2013 22:31

Professional responsibility to engage in conversation with parents about their DCs. Not professional responsibility to only do it on that one evening.

teacherwith2kids · 26/04/2013 22:38

That's an interesting perspecyive, Evil. Because I would never ring up DS's school and say 'can I just have a chat to the music teacher about DS' - the 'has to be quite important for that to happen' barrier is v high. Whereas at a parents' evening, I feel it's OK to discuss much more minor issues - and it is that 'being practively available' rather than 'willing to react to an issue' that is important to me as a parent (as well as a teacher - but primary is perhaps different).

TheFallenMadonna · 26/04/2013 22:39

It's directed time for me, so a contractual as well as (I think) professional responsibility. If schools have an alternative system, then that's five. But parents expect to see me when they come to parents' evening.

teacherwith2kids · 26/04/2013 22:42

Directed time for me, too.

If I needed to see my child's teachers and the parents' evenings fell on the same night, I would make alternative arrangements - or send DH.

EvilTwins · 26/04/2013 22:42

I am always happy to talk to parents about their DCs, and do call them just to say how well their child is doing. Parents have been known to call for a general conversation. In my school, we have "phone home fortnight" each half term which is useful- he expectation is that form tutors will contact all parents of students in their tutor groups, and that subject teachers can do the same if they wish. Attendance to parents evenings at my school hovers around 50-60% so we're keen to keep lines of communication open. It works for.

EvilTwins · 26/04/2013 22:43

us.

RussiansOnTheSpree · 26/04/2013 23:01

Do teachers think it's important for parents to attend parents' evenings, or not? If they do, then surely that means they have to attend their own kids' parents' evenings if there is a clash. Otherwise, what message are they giving out? I can't remember one parents' evening for either of my older two kids where there hasn't been at least one teacher absent. Neither school tells the parents why, but if sometimes it's been for their own childrens' parents evenings, then fair enough.

Seeker - you do start an awful lot of threads about your kids' educations. Perhaps you don't realise it.

Original poster
seeker · 26/04/2013 23:27

Russian- 6 including this one in the last 50. I have two children. And that includes a joky one about teach speak on reports. Hardly excessive, I would have thought!

OP posts:
RussiansOnTheSpree · 26/04/2013 23:29

That's 6 more threads about your kids' educations, that you've started, than I have about mine. And I have 3.

Original poster
seeker · 26/04/2013 23:49

Well, good for you.You obviously have it all sorted, and have no need to ask for advice. I am pleased for you.

OP posts:
RussiansOnTheSpree · 26/04/2013 23:57

Not at all. But consider - you asked for signs that you are not relaxed. I suggested one such sign. And your reaction has been ......extremely non-relaxed and downright snippy.

I'm possibly the least relaxed person one could ever hope (fear?) to encounter. And I don't, for what it's worth, think you are even remotely as unrelaxed as me, from what I see in the limited amount of browsing I do on mumsnet. But you do strike me as somewhat unrelaxed (to use survey speak) for the reasons I have set out. That's all. :)

NotGoodNotBad · 26/04/2013 23:59

OK, I see there have been lots of rather random comments...

But back to the point, I'd be wondering what the teacher's spouse was doing that afternoon/evening that was so important that they couldn't go to their kids' parents evening. If they're both going, well they don't have to, one can go, and if only the teacher is going, why isn't the spouse doing it instead? of course they might be dead or something

Feenie · 26/04/2013 23:59

This happened with mine and ds's parents' evening. I phoned his teacher up and explained, and she gave me a separate appointment. Didn't occur to me to do anything else Confused

greyvix · 27/04/2013 00:05

As a teacher, I have always prioritised my students' parents' evenings over my own children's. I have had to make alternative arrangements in case of clashes, ie DH attending. (There always were clashes, as I taught/teach at the school my DCs attended.)
It is directed time for teachers; they don't have an option.

Feenie · 27/04/2013 00:09

Exactly!

Feenie · 27/04/2013 00:10

But back to the point, I'd be wondering what the teacher's spouse was doing that afternoon/evening that was so important that they couldn't go to their kids' parents evening

Ever heard of single parents?

Hmm
Feenie · 27/04/2013 00:18

As a teacher, I can tell you that most parents' evenings are a waste of time- the ones you need to see don't turn up and the rest well- there is little to say usually.

I find that comment to be hugely bizarre coming from a teacher, I really do.