150k EDUCATION DD WANTS TO DO HAIR AND BEAUTY BTEC AT FE COLLEGE

[helenjackson2]

HI I AM NEW TO THIS FOURUM.DD CURRENTLY AT TOP GIRLS BOARDING SCHOOL SOUTH EAST.10GCSE GRADE A A* EXPECTED OXBRIDGE POTENTIAL.WANTS TO DO BTEC IN HAIR AND BEAUTY AT LOCAL FE COLLEGE WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP HER STUPID AND IDIOTIC IDEA.HELP

tiggy yes, but this girl seems to want to do this course to make a political point about unfairness in educational opportinity, not because she really, really wants this as a career.

I can understand if she has been at the same school for 5 years that she may well feel oppressed and want out . What she doesn't seem very well versed of is the range of alternatives. If I were the op I'd be using the Easter holidays to review what else is on offer (although in some cases it may already be too late to register). I suspect if she were asking to do a Art Foundation course that might be better viewed than Hair and Beauty , but am with those who suggest level 1/2 course would lose its attraction very quickly for some with a good clutch of GCSEs. You could even ask to go in and meet tutors at FE college to talk through the courses and advise.

You are right tiggy, but in that event she would be better doing the 2 year National course, the one which is unavailable to her FE friends, rather than the BTEC.

I think there is a real jumble of motives here (getting out of that ghastly sounding school possibly being one of them!) and I think this girl needs help in clarifying exactly what her end aim is or she risks messing up her own opportunities for the sake of teenage rebellion.

I agree with you there is no point forcing A levels on someone. I think OP needs a calm, two way discussion to find out what's really going on here before anyone takes any decisions.

I don't for a moment think the results would have been the same. You can insist they do them but why on earth you think they are going to make an effort I don't know! Why would you?' I am here because my mother wants me to be here' is never going to work. It doesn't at university either - my DSs and nephew have been shocked that students don't turn up for lectures! It explains it if they are there for the parents.

^I am really curious about this notion of 'insisting' she does A Levels.
How does a parent insist on this? By threat, force, nagging, threatening to cut them off...?^

By negotiating. The deal wod be that they got graded consistent with their ability and then they can decide whether to go to uni, do the vocational course or something else. After the vocational course they can decide whether to carry on in that business or go to uni and use it to pay their way... many more options. IMO it is easier to carry on studying than to take a break and go back to it - not that the latter is impossible.

And if she gets say 2A*and 2A's, is OP (or anyone advocating making her stay) really saying that they'd then be fine letting her do her beauty course at that stage

Yes. That's why I said it.
With A levels behind you there are more options. The child will be 2 years older and an adult. I would also have suggested they get Saturday job in their chosen business so they would have had 2 years to see if it is really what they want. Obviously I would encourage them to go to University and point out the pros and cons of each choice but, at that point, they are an adult.

exoticfruits That all depends whether you deal with it well or handle it in a crap manner. It also depends on the child.

I'm guessing that the DD doesn't have a burning interest in all her GCSEs. Yet she is predicted top grades in all of them. So I'm a bit at the posters who are suggesting that the DD might fail her A levels if she gets pushed that way by the mum. Not having a burning interest in all her GCSE subjects doesnt seem to have had that outcome.

The OPs child if she exists doesn't have a burning desire to be a hairdresser.

She wants to prove a point.

I am fascinated by the control parents think they have over their DCs choices in life. I can't think of a single example where it has worked. It may appear to work but it is always interesting to see what happens in later life.

I haven't read the whole thread and I'm probably about to repeat stuff that has already been said, but never mind.

Ihave just spent a very difficult and stressful 6 months with DD (Yr12) She wanted to do Btech at college. I insisted that with 11 A*-C, she should at least give 6th form a chance for a year, then do college, if she still really wanted to. She is one of the oldest in the yr, so already nearer to 18, than 17.

It has been hell. I should have let her get on with it, but in my mind she was a bright girl that would have done well at 6th form. I was wrong. She is a bright girl, with a bright future in front of her, but not via 6th form!!

Please don't force your DD to do something that you think she shold done. It's time to start letting them make their own decisions at this age. I feel terrible that I made DD do 6th form. DD can make her own mistakes, if you think they are mistakes. She is however, still young enough to make mistakes that can be corrected before it's too late.

Soup, did you read my post above? My parents thought this strategy would work and it ended on a suicide attempt.

Its always possible to do a levels at evening courses or do them one year behind if the young adult wants, pushing too hard against their aims because of sacrifices they didn't ask too be made risks backfiring.

My parents aren't toxic or uncaring, just didn't realise how much pressure they were heaping on DB.

Well at least judging by the wanted signs in several local salons she is inlikely to be unemployed, unlike many graduates.

In the town where I live there is a weekend/evening hairdressing school which some kids do along side their A levels.It costs quite a bit I think but I guess it is always useful to have another string to your bow.Maybe you could investigate if there is something like that where you live?

My hairdresser left school with little in the way of qualifications. Her options at the time was to work in Woolworths, the assembly line at the local factory or become a hairdressing trainee. She chose the latter.

It was the best choice of those available at the time. She is now at the age of 40 doing a book keeping course in the hope of changing careers. Cutting someone's hair while they moan about their DHs has long lost its appeal :)

In threads about private education posters often make the point that they don't want their DC to be educated in a bubble of wealth. I think that this is what they have in mind.

Outside of the bubble, hairdressing is a near minimum wage job where you spend a number of years just sweeping up hair, making tea and washing hair. Inside the bubble on the other hand it's some glam job where you get to rub shoulders with glamorous and beautiful people.

MrsHoarder, yes I did read it. That is extremely sad but it is not necessarily a typical response to the situation.

I am fascinated by the control parents think they have over their DCs choices in life.

And I am fascinated by the way people seem to think solutions one-size-ft-all.

For every example of children having been 'forced' to finish their education, there will be as many of those wishing their parents had encouraged them to continue their education. I haven't read a coherent argument that would convince me otherwise. I would love my children to go onto university but it is not essential. I will however encourage them to finish their a levels because then they have more options available to them. They really won't if they left after GCSE'S. You all make it sound so easy just popping back to university or evening classes should they so wish to change their mind after a few years. Finance, circumstance, obligations and family life may just not allow that.

My dh left school with no formal qualifications. Nonetheless he carved out a successful career in music. He says starting out now he would never have had the opportunities he had then as all the positions go to the 'suits' (his term for graduates). He now runs a small music company with 6 members of staff. The industry is admittedly fairly 'glamorous' but the pay is consequently poor. When he looks to recruit, from basic admin up, he doesn't look at anyone's cv who hasn't got a degree. I think this is a shame as he will of course miss out on some real talent. He argues that with so many applicants he has to start somewhere. Of course he is wrong but that is the reality out there. I want my children to stand a chance of doing what they want, so will encourage them to finish their education and then the world is their proverbial oyster. For me success is not commensurate with salary, I would not push them to work in the city, practise law or medicine but if they want to they can. For me that is key.

I went to a naice grammar school in Kent. One of my classmates left at 16 to do hair & beauty. She is now very wealthy and from what she shows - very happy and has in fact just last weekend returned from yet another long-haul first class trip. Plenty of business savvy there!

There is a lot to be said for having a gap and doing exams and university later. I can't see why we need to channel everyone down such a narrow tunnel. She can do it later, if she wishes-or she may be perfectly happy with the choice.

And I am fascinated by the way people seem to think solutions one-size-ft-all

My very point is that they don't-but I am talking about the young person-and not the parent. As the adult you can be very rational and talk about options but the very idea that you insist they do A'levels and they say 'yes, mother' and then work their socks off is laughable! If you can't persuade around to your way of thinking -there isn't much point in 'insisting'.

I will however encourage them to finish their a levels because then they have more options available to them

Encourage being the word. I think any sensible parent would encourage. It is if you insist that you hit the dodgy ground.

I deal with a fair few students whose parents have insisted they go to university. Deal with them typically means explaining that they cannot hope to keep up if they do not manage to muster any enthusiasm, showing them why they have failed the last exam and occasionally reporting them for plagiarism. The parents obviously thought they would be fine if they could only be persuaded to go to university. They are not fine.

As for "she is only doing this to make a political point", how do we actually know this? The girl is at boarding school, the mother has very strong views on what constitutes a proper career, how do we know what communication between them is like?

My FIL thought dh was making a hopelessly stupid and romantic choice when he decided to become a field archaeologist: they ranked in those days somewhere between road menders and representatives of the hippy convoy, the job was totally insecure (still is) and extremely badly paid.

Poor FIL did everything to make his son see sense and go in for a proper job like his brother. 30 years later dh is still happily employed in archaeology and his brother has been out of work more times than I care to count.

More to the point, dh wasn't making a silly romantic point because of his immature political views as FIL thought; he really knew what he wanted and has stuck to it since.

But FIL's reaction was very similar to the OPs. And so was my mother's when I wanted to move to the UK (which in her eyes offers a far inferior lifestyle) to marry a young Englishman I had met on holiday. "You are only doing this because of X, Y, X, not because you really want to"

As it so happens, dh is still in the career that he really wanted for itself and I am still married to the man I really wanted for myself. Neither of us wanted to prove anything at all: we were just totally serious about what we really did want out of life. And yes, it might not have panned out, but we both knew we had to take the risk.

This doesn't tell us anything about the OPs daughter- but possibly, just possibly about how a parent might react in that situation.

When your child makes what seems like a loony decision to you, something you don't see why anyone should want to do, it is tempting to tell yourself that they can't actually want something that seems so alien to you, there must be some ulterior motive, they can't really really mean it.

It is often a complete waste of money too. I have a friend who wanted to work with horses. Her parents 'insisted' she did something sensible first-'to fall back on'. She did the something sensible and then went off to the depths of the country to work with horses, married a local farmer and has lived happily ever after with her horses-she never 'fell back' on the something. Her DS, however went to Cambridge and has a glittering academic career, so no doubt her parents are happy. The friend also had an expensive private education that she 'wasted'. She also refused to wear dresses-all in all she wasn't the DD her mother wanted-BUT why should she have been? You give birth but you have no idea what you are getting-they are yours to influence and encourage-they are not yours to plan their life, when they may not want anything remotely like you envisage.