150k EDUCATION DD WANTS TO DO HAIR AND BEAUTY BTEC AT FE COLLEGE

[helenjackson2]

HI I AM NEW TO THIS FOURUM.DD CURRENTLY AT TOP GIRLS BOARDING SCHOOL SOUTH EAST.10GCSE GRADE A A* EXPECTED OXBRIDGE POTENTIAL.WANTS TO DO BTEC IN HAIR AND BEAUTY AT LOCAL FE COLLEGE WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP HER STUPID AND IDIOTIC IDEA.HELP

MTSGroupie said: Ermmm one person is saving lives while the other perms your hair. Hardly an argument.

Maybe so, maybe not but thank goodness there are some parents out there who can look at themselves in the mirror and know they've allowed their children to be themselves, rather than being extensions of their parents' desires and ambitions.

Give her some money to start her own business. My hairdresser had that opportunity and at 24 owns her house (small mortgage) and car.

She happy, mega busy and gets to meet loads of different people and do something she loves every day.

The world needs both though. And not everyone has the desire to be either! This is all about the 150k spent and the expectations caused by that.I was privately educated exams coming out my ears and uni. And in the 2nd year I blacked out and woke up 5 days later aged 19 on a life support machine needing an organ transplant and changed forever. I soon ditched the traditional route and decided life was for living and pursued a completely different life. My mother was still saying I could go back when i was 40 She thought the career I carved out for myself was temporary even though I have been doing it successfully for years Life is not one size fits all

My ds2 is due to complete A levels soon, he is bright and has always been bright form day one.
His heart isn't in it he is depressed and can't wait to leave. He had no pressure from us to do it, quite the reverse. Every family member tried to talk him out of it, but he was adamant.
He won't get good results, in fact he will be lucky to come out with a couple of AS and A2 lower passes.
They will do what they want irrespective of what you want them to do. I wish he knew what he wanted and had done a BTEC or an apprenticeship at our local college, but its not want he wanted. Thank heaven he doesn't want to go to Uni.

morethan I know a few boys like that. My ds is not sure he wants uni he is 50.50 but is going to go and see if he likes it. He can always leave Nothing is written in stone To be happy and not stressed is everything

MTSGroupie said " But come on, call me a snob but doing a hair tint on some granny on your local high street hairdresser is not something I want for my DD."

I may be a snob about many things but I'd never be a "snob" or contemptuous about my children's well-thought out and reasoned career choices Such an attitude has it risks and quite frankly it wouldn't be a risk I'd want to take

I think whatever job you do, having control over it is the important thing that is associated with health and contentment. So, if you want to be a hairdresser, be your own boss - once you've learned the trade and got some experience, set up on your own (or have a really nice boss, I guess). Workplace stress is far worse for people at the bottom of the heirarchy who are done to rather than those at the top who have choices.

(Middle management is particularly shit because you are done to by the top bods but have to take the flak for implementing their decisions, and don't have the camerarderie of the shop floor, IMO.)

I knew I wanted to do interiors when I was about 15 but no they knew better.

NoddyHolder

It worries me to see him so depressed but am thankful we didn't push him down this route. I could never live with myself if this was down to us.
I think too many parents put the emphasis on career and earning potential when these may not be what their dc want in life.
I know my ds will be good at something, in fact the obvious is staring him in the face and he can't see it. He has aspergers diagnosed at 17, one of his talents is a fantastic knowledge of football trivia. Who did what and when. He is doing A level media and has a lovely voice. I and anybody who knows him think he should be a reporter or journalist.

I think every parent should be given this poem at birth!

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

It never works-I know lots of people who were pressurised to follow the parent's ideas and they generally break out in mid life-sometimes in a very painful way.

Morethan he will find his way especially with a parent like you I am not sure uni is for my ds tbh as he is dyspraxic and also a real home body and hates any sort of pressure BUT he is hugely social and so I think that appeals to him. He is brilliant at film making and editing and I have no worries about him.I am supportive but deep down care not a jot about what he decides in the end as long as he is happy and healthy Those matter everything else is an extra

I do completely agree, exotic!

I do also think it's important for the op to understand what is motivating the choice so that she know best how to support.

my gut feeling would be to have a mature and calm discussion about it with dd to ensure that dd has thought this through and for her to explain her feelings behind it. if she can calmly do that then she should be supported through it.

And she can always return to education later (eg the OU).

exotic spot on x

I remember a friend's DH saying that he left a very expensive private school and he wished that his parents had talked to him properly about options and futures but it all hinged on 'how can you do this to us when we have spent so much on your education'-to which he gave the sort of response that most spirited 16 yr old would give! (and did do very well in later life-had his own company and sold out to retire early)

OP
What if your DD does not want to be a manager or have accounts experience.

What if she just wants to be incredibly good at doing hair and rolls eyes gets picked as the hairstylist of choice to some movie star and jets the world at their expense sending you postcards ....

Noddy
You are completely right and for the lovely comments.
None of them are our children, they are lent to us for a while.

I can't take credit for this as it was my adoptive mums reply when anybody said "Oh she's not yours"

A well thought out and reasoned career choice??? Are we still talking about working at Toni and Guy giving some granny a tint job for near minimum wage?

And at the poster who thinks the DD will have the last laugh if/when she becomes a hairdresser to the Hollywood elite.

I may be a snob about many things but I'd never be a "snob" or contemptuous about my children's well-thought out and reasoned career choices

But from what the OP says this isnt a well thoght through and reasoned career choice is it? It seems to be a strop and strump based on some perceived injustice to others she has witnessed.

I cut my own hair so hairdressers never get rich from me. Most are minimum wage slaves most of their lives. Even if you earn well, its a hard life washing hair and messing with colourants. Like in all things a few make it big, most do not. I can earn the same in a more pleasant way as a simple teacher. Had I dont things right, I could be earning twice as much in another career field.

The thing about all those degree holders washing cars and serving coffee or even washing hair is that one day when the economics change or they change their minds, they can move on to anyone of a number of higher paying careers without back tracking to do it. Hairdressers are hairdressers today, tomorrow and until they retire.

Hairdressing does not give the flexibility to change careers ( unless you consider moving to cleaning and sweeping which is part of hairdressing).

Some people need to stop their inverted snobbery and get real about life chances.

MTSGroupie said "A well thought out and reasoned career choice??? Are we still talking about working at Toni and Guy giving some granny a tint job for near minimum wage?"

Now where did I say i was specifically talking about hairdressing in that statement of mine that you've lifted? I was talking about any well-thought out and reasoned career choice that my children may make.

I'm proud to declare that I love my children unconditionally and for those hard of understanding, that means I impose no conditions - I'm proud of them matter what they do. I feel sadness at parents who can't say the same - but most of all, I feel sadness for their children.

Poodle - You are obviously a better parent than me. If I had a highly academic DC and at the age of 15 they decided that they wanted to train for a near minimum wage job sweeping floors, making tea and washing hair then I wouldn't be as supportive as you [insert sarcasm emoticon]

Poodle - You are obviously a better parent than me.

You're too kind. All I am, is a parent who has been there, done that, got the t-shirt and learned from it.

If I had a highly academic DC and at the age of 15 they decided that they wanted to train for a near minimum wage job sweeping floors, making tea and washing hair then I wouldn't be as supportive as you

I would recognise that the quickest, easiest way to get them to realise was to let them do it. People learn by their own mistakes-not other peoples. You can have a year or two out and then go back-at least then they are keen and motivated. It is utterly pointless going to university because your parents want you to-much better save the money. I can't think of a single adult who was channelled into what their parents wanted turning around and thanking them. They have all made changes in mid life.