Worried about Private school

[CountingClouds]

My DC has passed the entrance exams, and been offered a scholarship, for a very good private secondary. What worries me is that the head has expressed concerns that 'we' night not fit in to their environment.

DC is in year six and predicted a strong level six in Maths and Literacy. Wide ranging extra curricular interests with friends also planning to attend the school. Local state Primary has always said DC has strong personality but well behaved, polite and a wonderful pupil etc.

I can only guess at the subtext behind the heads comments, single parent, working class, don't socialist within the local wealthy cliques, can't afford skiing holidays, asking awkward questions at the information events, challenging the schools opinion, DC having extra needs etc etc.

So the place we are offered is conditional on us accepting their ideology of being seen and not heard, that we don't rock the boat and DC's personality being supplanted by the tried and tested Stepford children conditioning (I paraphrase the heads words).

I want the best education for my DC but is it worth sacrificing his amazing individual personality, and possibly extinguish what I think makes him heads and shoulders above his peers? The alternative is a strong state school, good social inclusion, will meet DC's extra needs, good academic record, well regarded locally but maybe not so established nationally so might not look as good on his CV as a private school.

Ten years ago I always dreamt of a private school and have remortgaged in-case DC didn't get a scholarship, but not the time has come to decide. Am I mad to pass up the chance of sending my DC to a private school because its full of stuck up snobs?

happy- doubt a public school, as it's obviously a day school from her comments...

I think the clue is in that it had to go coed because no one was sending their child there... Sounds horrendous, run a mile

Don't get seduced by the whole networking thing, I remember an Ampleforth boy back in the 80s couldn't understand why he hadn't walked into a city job on the back of the old school tie, plenty of his ilk propping up bars wondering why they haven't made it.

All white? Most good indies falling over themselves to prove they are inclusive. DD and her friends became totally fed up because all pictures of school trips etc. were of their group, since they were Chinese, Indian, African and a red head ..............

captain dont forget it has a "tried and tested method of producing leaders" maybe its scout leaders they're producing?

What's your objection to single sex education, OP?

I am all for it, not because boys and girls learn in different ways, or have different inherent abilities but because I believe it allows the different sexes to be themselves, with less concern about whether what they want to do is appropriate for their gender.

So, for example, girls don't feel that maths is not for them, because all of the bright maths students are girls. And boys get to dress up in feminine clothes for the school plays etc, and sing and play music, and not be concerned about that being "sissy".

Just out of interest does this experience tally with anyone else's on the thread?

Am also baffled as to where the all white school might be. I live in one of the 'whitest' counties in the country but there are definitely more black and Asian children at both ds's private school and the grammar I work in that in the county as a whole (percentages, obviously, not absolute figures).

Not in the least, Felicity. I work in one, my kids go to another, and by virtue of my job I come into contact with many, many senior leadership team (heads, bursars and deputies) members and governors. I could list all the inconsistencies and question marks but honestly I CBA. I expect this thread will go poof at some point, or at least a whole bunch of us (including me) will get deleted.

Oh well.

Dont waste your time bieng baffled Books their is no such a school/city in the UK only in the OP's imagination!
Oh well its livened up a dull Saturday evening.

Also, just in case, this is not wishful thinking / a figment of the OPs imagination (I do know of some ridiculously white schools in the further reaches of London) OP should not consider any school where there is any question over viability. Schools have left pupils stranded in their first year of GSCE when they have gone out of business, and this sounds like a marketing strategy headed that way

Very good private secondary of the sort that will "open doors" and stand out on a CV, but simultaneously is questionably financially viable? And has a racist, snobbish power crazed loon for a head?

Nah. Madey-uppy. Well apart possibly the head bit - we are talking about the 1950s. Nowadays head teachers might still be all of that but they know not to show it!

It won't be a London school - none of the 'door opening' ones there have a demographic as described. Unless perhaps it's a Jewish school.

It doesn't really matter where the school is, though, or even if it is exactly as described. We don't know DC's views, but OP sounds really unhappy with it. Time to exercise the fall back option, and be glad you had a firm view before deposits etc became payable.

don't go there!

I know, it's Malory Towers!

I'd love to know where it is too, if it actually exists. If it is true then it is pretty sad that the OP is even considering the school for her ds after what the head allegedly wrote.

When ds was awarded his scholarship it was due to his talent but I think there was an element to do with his personality. However that is because you have to be a certain type of child to cope with the demands of his position.

OP, you mention that your DS has some additional needs - can you clarify what these are?

Good schools don't "go under financially" so if the school has recently had serious money problems you should perhaps reconsider on that basis alone.

"No head would write such a statement. Neither would any school offer a scholarship, even if only 25%, unless they really wanted the child. The competition today is too fierce."

Not so. I suspect that the position is that OP's DC has attained the level required for a scholarship and therefore they feel they have to offer it, otherwise they will be accused of discrimination - so the head is trying to put them off by writing this letter. Never assume that headteachers are infallible, I've seen sillier things than this from very experienced heads.

There is no "pass mark" required standard for a scholarship, nor is it necessarily highest mark on exam. It's a combination of interview, reference and test results. The question of "is this child likely to fit in" would be part of the interview assessment, and there is no way a school would make an award to a potential pupil they did not think would flourish.

I agree that some heads are complete arses.

I'd be surprised if the school were obliged to offer a scholarship just because the OP's ds had reached the required level. Eton doesn't do this. Passing the scholarship exam is only part of the admission process. Not every boy who passes gets a place.

Jeeze, this thread still active?

Private schools are pretty much free to offer places and scholarships to whoever they want. So its kind of ridiculous (stupid even) to put up all these theories about the school being obliged to offer a scholarship to a kid they don't really want.and how the school is now trying to discourage the OP from taking up the offer.

The more likely truth is that they offered this bright boy a scholarship and now the mum is questioning their teaching methods. Upthread the OP talks about how she has issues about the school being 100% white.

I can imagine the conversation.

Yes HM I would like my DS to come to your school. He is a natural born leader and one day you will be proud to claim him as a former pupil. By the way, I am not happy that the school is 100% white MC. I think that you should change your policies.

Emm Meditrina, not all Jews are white you know so it is highly unlikely to be a Jewish School.

pippop but the very white schools I am thinking of are faith schools . Indeed the exclusive faith state schools around here are far more white (by bme measures) than non faith schools and the local population.

That's true. In my area they do have more white children in them than the other local schools but I just wanted to point out that not all Jews are white.

It is a real school. Wow. No way would I let my son go to it, either.

You need to look at this

Scholarships are often conditional.
My friend's son has a sports scholarship - there are under no illusions that if he doesn't get the school team back in the national league, he's out.
Luckily he is an amazing player and his contribution has got the school back in the nationals.

You either accept these conditions or not.
If there is a place, accept it, but keep your options open by looking around.

A lot of schools do have a very specific type of child they look for - hence the interviews they do. Lots of children who pass the academic test fail the interview at DD's school. The head is quite clear about it.

The school wants to work in a certain way and is putting you on notice that either your child fits in or he doesn't and they won't tolerate certain types of behaviour - even from a scholar.

The local girl's school here has a clause saying a child will be expelled if the parent annoys the head teacher. This is how they get great and consistent results - becuase they ruthlessly weed out any child or family who will cause them a problem that detracts from thier sausage factory education methods.

We chose DS's indie because of its academic record. I don't want to out myself by being too specific about the school but it gets mentioned in the list of who sends the most kids to Oxbridge.

They have a method, a sausage factory if you want to call it that. Well, if I like a sausage enough to pay a premium then it's kind of stupid to pay it AND complain about the way its prepared.

The school has its methods and it produces results. If you don't like the school's ethos then go somewhere else. Simple.