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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Worried about Private school

164 replies

CountingClouds · 02/02/2013 13:23

My DC has passed the entrance exams, and been offered a scholarship, for a very good private secondary. What worries me is that the head has expressed concerns that 'we' night not fit in to their environment.

DC is in year six and predicted a strong level six in Maths and Literacy. Wide ranging extra curricular interests with friends also planning to attend the school. Local state Primary has always said DC has strong personality but well behaved, polite and a wonderful pupil etc.

I can only guess at the subtext behind the heads comments, single parent, working class, don't socialist within the local wealthy cliques, can't afford skiing holidays, asking awkward questions at the information events, challenging the schools opinion, DC having extra needs etc etc.

So the place we are offered is conditional on us accepting their ideology of being seen and not heard, that we don't rock the boat and DC's personality being supplanted by the tried and tested Stepford children conditioning (I paraphrase the heads words).

I want the best education for my DC but is it worth sacrificing his amazing individual personality, and possibly extinguish what I think makes him heads and shoulders above his peers? The alternative is a strong state school, good social inclusion, will meet DC's extra needs, good academic record, well regarded locally but maybe not so established nationally so might not look as good on his CV as a private school.

Ten years ago I always dreamt of a private school and have remortgaged in-case DC didn't get a scholarship, but not the time has come to decide. Am I mad to pass up the chance of sending my DC to a private school because its full of stuck up snobs?

OP posts:

dorapeppageorgenoddy · 02/02/2013 20:21

It's not about population demographic, a scholarship is offered cause of the current performance or projected potential in the child -

The video and head saying welcome to mr and mrs 3rd generation 3x does nt represent true demographic of a school but does how that school is enjoying that side of the history/family feel can feel pompous or can feel traditional or can mean they are doing a good job...

This school in the light you are painting it does n't sound nice, I'm not sure when the cloak was lifted for you ?

Of course school choice matters, but in reality grades matter, overall school performance matters, the extras matter - representing school at sport, positions of responsibility, music, art all in conjunction with grades - This is not solely down to the school, parent support right balance of pressure and support to academics from both home and school matter -

Anyway an update of your choice would be interesting as would a hint of location as still don't believe 100%white and no SEN?

Can we have geographic location SE? NE? Leeds? Liverpool? Norwich?

Incognitow · 02/02/2013 20:59

You can't have a geographic location, dora, because the op is talking shit rather cagey.

CaptainNancy · 02/02/2013 21:14

Well- there aren't any large cities that have exclusively white upper-class areas of population are there? Unless we're talking about Sweden, or Finland perhaps

I dunno, in the UK- Edinburgh? doubtful. Exeter? Not really a large city. York? ditto. Bristol? possibly, though I doubt enough uc offspring tbh.
Leaves Cambridge or Oxford at a push...

Ah... it's a Steiner school!

CaptainNancy · 02/02/2013 21:20

Ah.. umc not uc, sorry. Yup, am going for Bristol now- the academy comment suggests it... were any of this real

Picturesinthefirelight · 02/02/2013 21:33

Op. after having been hauled in front if dd's prep school head regarding comments I made in a private Facebook account please don't give in and name the area or school.

exexpat · 02/02/2013 21:34

There are no all-white private schools in Bristol.

difficultpickle · 02/02/2013 21:39

Pictures that's appalling. I hope you told him to fuck off mind his/her own business.

Picturesinthefirelight · 02/02/2013 21:46

Unfortunately I didn't want dd to be excluded half way through year 6 so complied.

Picturesinthefirelight · 02/02/2013 21:47

I'm still trying to find out who reported me - had to delete all my friends remotely associated with school as I didn't know who I could trust.

dorapeppageorgenoddy · 02/02/2013 21:48

Picture - it's not to name the school to get OP in trouble it's to understand what area has a school in a city with 100% white population - that's the bit that we want help with as it seems very outdated/strange -a school in one hand that links with primaries and offers scholarships to children from non prep school feeders but on the other hand is dismissive, closed and rude to its potential students - I'm intrigued to know where this is?

dorapeppageorgenoddy · 02/02/2013 21:48

Picture - it's not to name the school to get OP in trouble it's to understand what area has a school in a city with 100% white population - that's the bit that we want help with as it seems very outdated/strange -a school in hand that links with primaries and offers scholarships to children from non prep school feeders but on the other hand is dismissive, closed and rude to its potential students - I'm intrigued to know where this is?

dorapeppageorgenoddy · 02/02/2013 21:51

Picture sorry to hear your experience, as I said this thread isn't about getting the school or OP into trouble - just if its true strange to think of a school that is 100% white in a city -

Sorry about your experience sounds awful - and sorry for posting twice!

happygardening · 02/02/2013 21:52

Captain according to the office of national stats 16% of Bristols population belongs to a black or minority ethnic group Bath is much more white middle class.

diabolo · 02/02/2013 21:59

Certainly not Cambridge for an all white British population. (Thank God).

I would think it's more like Mars, or perhaps Jupiter. Maybe the moon?

CaptainNancy · 02/02/2013 22:09

Cambridge seems very white to me (I visit frequently)... but I live in an area with v high diversity.

CaptainNancy · 02/02/2013 22:11

And p e r s e school is co-ed now... [stirs]

ZZZenAgain · 02/02/2013 22:14

"the offer was conditional on DC's personality conforming to fit the schools tried and tested methods of producing leaders"

I would need to talk to the head about this in order to find out what exactly your ds would be facing. I am afraid it doesn't sound to me like a nurturing environment and I wonder if he will be happy there if his personality is to be repressed. What exactly is it about your ds' personality that the school is so concerned about?

happygardening · 02/02/2013 22:15

According to the ONS in Bath just under 10% are non British white in Cambridge its just under 9%.

happygardening · 02/02/2013 22:18

"tried and tested methods of producing leaders"
Leaders of what? You've said its small school and is going coed for financial reasons so it doesn't sound like a big name producing prime minister ets. So what sort of leaders is it producing?
IMO this is not real.

exexpat · 02/02/2013 22:25

The Cambridge school you mention is not all-white either (girls or boys). Nor are any of the private schools in Bath that I can think of.

With the all-white, leadership-inducing ethos and not wanting pupils who are not the right 'type', I think perhaps the OP has been reading too much fiction gone through some kind of hole in the space-time continuum and been offered a place in a British public school circa 1900. But then the co-ed thing wouldn't fit. Tricky...

breatheslowly · 02/02/2013 22:26

Your school drops off your CV fairly quickly, or should do, once university and a few years of work fill it to the point where you are struggling to cut it down to a couple of pages. Living in fear of your scholarship being removed can't be fun.

DowntonTrout · 02/02/2013 22:29

This is a load of cods wallop.

No head would write such a statement. Neither would any school offer a scholarship, even if only 25%, unless they really wanted the child. The competition today is too fierce.

When (if the letter is as you state) they talk about fitting in, are you sure that they mean your DS? Or have you proved so troublesome already that they are really meaning you and your attitude are making their decision to award a scholarship untenable? Is that why they talk about their "tried and tested" formula? Have you questioned/ interfered so much that they feel your attitude will be detrimental to your child's progress?

Sorry. That's how it reads to me (or total rubbish). If you are so concerned, and i would be if this was true, however, this is not my experience of major public schools AT ALL, send your DS state and hope he is so "heads and shoulders above the rest" that the cream naturally rises to the top and that he becomes the next Genius millionaire playboy.

happygardening · 02/02/2013 22:33

Abroad? Expat you could be right about the space time continum; South Africa 40 - 50 years ago or as already said the moon!

happygardening · 02/02/2013 22:36

Not a major public school if it exists outside of the OP's imagination as her DS is going at 11 all major public schools producing leaders take at 13.

CaptainNancy · 02/02/2013 22:38

exexpat- I realise that, I'm funning, sorry.

Maybe it's Whyteleaf? Or The Chalet School? (did they ever go co-ed?)

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