Not being able to afford 'the extras' at private- good reason not to apply?

[Margerykemp]

I heard a friend say that she had considered private for her DD. No ethical objections or anything (lives in 'bad' catchment, school in question is high performing ie suitable for her academic DD).

But what surprised me was that even though she said they could have afforded the fees they didn't apply because they couldn't afford 'the extras' like ski trips.

I wouldn't have believed this if i hadn't heard it myself. I know private school parents and ski trips etc are certainly not compulsory.

do other parents reject private schools for this reason?

i kind of feel sorry for their DD having missed out on a good opportunity for such a spurious reason!

Depends on the level of extras.

I don't think ski trips are compulsory. However, sports kit, school uniform and after school activities can become very expensive. Money is finite, and perhaps these expenses just tipped the balance when they were working out their budget.

On the other hand maybe there is another reason that your friend doesn't feel comfortable revealing and she is trying to gloss over. I would just leave it.

Maybe. I do think there is an element of fear of not fitting in.

In my experience lots of children don't go on school trips like ski trips for example as there are only so many places available. My dd never got a chance to go for this reason.
I donb't know what sort of private school your fried was thinking of but unless it's somewhere like Eton or Stowe, with possibly a high proportion of very well off parents, lots of parents really scrimp to send their children to private schools, especially high performing academic ones.

As above - uniform can get very expensive as there's usually only one supplier and you can't just buy generic items like blazers and sew the badge on.

Then there's the school lunches - often compulsory and billed separately, the school trips that are (genuinely) necessary for academic reasons, the ingredients for cookery classes, and the extra-curricular activities like music lessons which their DD may have had at primary school.

Boomting, i agree about the cost of unifirms however theres usually a thriving secondhand uniform shop within the school which all parents use. It would be silly not to and there's no shame in doing so.

Also things like MFL magazines, examination and re-sit fees, and learning support lessons.

I don't think you need to worry about ski trips.

Curriculum trips are high pressure in GCSE and sixth form years.

They may, of course, have bent the truth about both their financial circumstances and any/all other elements of their encounter with this school's selection process. There are any number of reasons why someone might do that.

You certainly don't need to worry about things like ski trips but as the children get older you do have to worry about the costs of trips relating to things like music, specialist subject specialisms and sport.

The very musical child is likely to be selected for trips to foreign places with huge cathedrals, famous orchestras, the very clever child is likely to want to go on a classics trip to Italy, esp if it's highly recommended, the classicist at A'Level is likely to be invited to attend a Greek summer school, the very sporty child is likely to be invited on a sports tour which is almost compulsory for the first 15 - these tend to be far flung and about £2 to £2.5k. Imagine how your son/daughter would feel if they were the one child who couldn't go.

Actually, I think you need to be able to fund about £7-£10,000 of trips if your child is to totally benefit from a private education and to make the sacrifice worth it if things are tight.

The extras add up quickly if you are in private or state. Some people forget about the cost of getting to school - bus or train fare, add in school lunches, music lessons, club fees, extra tutoring usual birthday pressies and it soon adds up. Growing kids do equal new kit. Sixth Form will be worse with the pressure of driving lessons and such.

Many of my friends opted for a good state so that they can throw money at the extras - better that than being the poor church mouse at private

Happily Has it exactly right giving modern teens the childhood experience you'd like while still being able to afford a reasonable life style for the Mum, Dad and younger siblings makes private education a bridge too far.

Had I got a job when they started school and saved every penny, not used any for holidays or fun. May-be we'd have scrapped high school fees. May be not. I don't think the DDs would have enjoyed mum working, DD1 would have hated after school care.

My parents lived like that just to survive. I saw the toll counting every half penny took on my Mum. DHs parents weren't rich, but they did go on holiday and they'd happily stop at a cafe for tea and cake. Seems daft, but it's those little things I'd miss.

Imagine how your son/daughter would feel if they were the one child who couldn't go.

Depends how you bring your kids up. Hes not stupid and knows hes very very lucky to get all the other stuff even if he cant do a lot of what others do.

I don't know what schools you are talking about but as I said before, there are usually far too many children and too few places so lots of children will be disappointed. Apart from that private schools are not just for the rich any more. You will find that people on fairly low incomes will send their children to private schools. They're not only for princess, lords and ladies and people who drive bentleys

Lots of children at DS's prep school don't go on any of the trips / holidays. Some children go on everything they can providing there is space. As mirry2 says above, there are often only say 40 spaces for the France trip, and inevitably lots of children end up missing out on a place. I have never known only 1 child not go on a trip.

The most expensive trip his school offers is a week in France (WW2 sites, not skiing) at just under £400. Compare this to the state comprehensive nearby, offering a trip to China at £2k per pupil. Surely inaccessible to the majority?

ski trips aren't compulsory. ds1 had a bursary and 2 scholarships so we definitely couldn't do the trips other than the 3 days in Paris just before his gcse french oral. most children go on the trips at his school but there are always one or two who don't.

Would grandparents be able to contribute to any smaller trips such as theatre visits or WW1 battlefields?

Extras means osmehting different and different schools.

DD's school is shocking for them. This year she had three residentiual trips and three theatre trips. All 'optional'. But all in term time during the school day...so waddya gonna do?
Also uniform can only be purchased in the school shop at silly prices.

DS's school is quite different. Trips are in holiday times so no pressure and much of the uniform can be got in M&S.

Many kids don't go on trips. The uniforms cost more, mainly the blazer though, plus you have to buy all the exercise books. I suspect your friend is telling you a half truth though. I doubt not being able to afford optional trips would be a reason not to apply for many, sounds like they couldn't really afford it and were happy with the state alternative.

We didn't have to buy books or stationary at my dcs school.

That must vary too then, although I've only done private secondary school.

Depends on the school. We have found uniform a bit more expensive, but good second hand shop. Lunches, books, stationery & curriculum day trips (5 this year!) all included. I have spent more on day trips for DS2 in state primary on day trips in the last year.
Residentials obviously cost more. One was compulsory but it was made clear that if you couldn't afford it subsidy may be available. DS1 also went on a language trip overseas which GPs paid for. We have said no to the ski trips etc. TBH you get the same sort of trips at state secondaries these days, e.g. my local comp does an annual trip to New York. Not everyone goes!
You do hear this a lot 'I can't afford the extras' 'Everyone else will be really rich & DC will feel left out' etc. I suppose it depends on the school but not true IME.

My DD has just started at secondary private school and we thankfully get financial assistance through the continuity education allowance through DHs job. Without this we could not afford it. Even with our low contribution towards the fees we struggle to pay the extras.

DD has been back at school 3 days and so far I know £400 has been added to the bill for the end of term. Thats a foreign languages trip and an activity day. She has not yet decided what clubs to join and as she is a boarder there will be a few. It adds up quickly and tbh - we have to really make some serious lifestyle choices to accommodate this. She wants to continue with singing and guitar lessons but at her new school its £245 a term per instrument/discipline. Thats £200 a term more than her old school so we have told her she needs to choose. Much as I am gutted at this - its just a stretch too far.

I worry about the implications of her being offered all this wonderful stuff and only being able to partake in a limited amount.

So I can understand fully why people would choose not to bother with private at all.

Maybe boarding school is different as you need serious money for just the basics.

SoggySummer you need to look at the bigger picture. i live with these strange creatures vultures x with locusts very cleverly disguised as teenage boys. I must be Ocado's best customer as my food bill seems to be enormous. When the delivery arrives the boys circle the bags before I unpack them grabbing choice items and then when its unpacked proceed to devour every item they come across. They've eaten 5 boxes of breakfast cereal since Monday and one will eat 10 apples as a snack before breakfast and a bag of pasta as a midnight snack AND STILL STAY STICK THIN!?!?!?!?! . One goes back to boarding school this weekend (having purchased enough tuck to feed a small army) Ocado may be disappointed but my bank balance will look much healthier.
You also save money on petrol, sports kits for outside sports clubs etc and sweets drinks cinema trips etc.