Am I being precious about my pfb?

[roisin]

At ds1's school around 50 - 70% of students get prefect status each year.
Ds1 has always had impeccable reports, with highest possible grades for behaviour, commitment, attitude to peers and staff etc; and also very high attendance and extremely high progress and attainment.

In the last year he has been stressed with exam pressure and has been unhappy at school, but still had an excellent report - including the above - and got 3rd highest commitment grade in the whole yr group. We have been in touch with head of year and other pastoral staff about his despondency. A few months ago there was an incident in class and he lashed out at another pupil, resulting - quite rightly - in a detention: his first ever in 4 years.

For applications for prefect status there are 4 possible outcomes:

1. Yes
2. On probation
3. No, but review later next term
4. No

ds1 got 3, which I am astounded at. His target is "develop consistently positive relationships with staff and students". He is devastated, is taking it very badly, and currently seems very unlikely to respond positively to this setback, in the way they clearly hope he will. It strikes me that either
a) there are far more serious issues at school than we have been aware of, which have not been raised at parents evenings or in reports
b) they have introduced much stricter prefect criteria and are having far fewer this year
c) there has been an injustice. I realise he's not perfect, but I can't believe there are 120 odd students in the year who are more suitable prefect material than him.

So, is it unreasonable for me to contact head of year and ask for some clarification?

Well, you can if you want to, but you might not hear what you want to.
I don't really think it would send out a good message to anybody if a school were appointing boys who have lashed out at another student recently, to a prefect's role. I'd consider that to be pretty serious, tbh.

If he wants clarification then he pint to ask his head of year himself. I suspect any clarification will be along the lines of if he doesn't thump anyone in the next few months he'll be made a prefect then.

You are being PFB. I think a 2 criteria may have been fairer

DD was told throughout her last but one year at school that she would be Head of House in her final year. She worked really hard and gave a great deal of commitment. Although she is not highly academic, it is not for lack of effort. At the last minute, the House Mistress decided to appoint someone else - her decision. DD was devasated. At that point we should have said that's life, move on, instead of which we sympathised hugely with her - because truth be told, we were disappointed too. It really was not helpful to DD, and I think that she would have got over it far faster had we been more dismissive of the whole charade.

Just saying, although you're obviously gutted for your DS, it might be as well to try and move on asap.

You always give such good and considered advice to other people; I hope you get some here.

I am not surprised he is taking it badly, and am sorry he has had such a horrid start to the holidays. The only other possibility I can think of is that somehow they are "reading" him wrong. What year is he in? Why is he so stressed about exams?

In your shoes, I would definitely take it up with the school. It is an odd way to treat a well behaved, high achieving child who is unhappy at school.

Where I work, all staff are involved in voting for prefects. I definitely would not vote for someone who was unhappy, stressed and despondent: it would just add extra duties and responsibilities , which would only make them more stressed. And that's not even taking into consideration that he hit someone.

I am surprised by some of these comments: OP says 50-70% get prefect status and his record is of the "highest possible grades for behaviour".

Unless the "incident" was an unprovoked hitting of another child - but the phrasing did not sound like that.

I think with a record like that, if he was not going to be a prefect, there should have been some warning. He probably feels like he has been kicked when he is down, and now has the whole summer to brood on it.

Thank you for the feedback so far, that is helpful. Ajandjjmum, your post has been particularly thought-provoking.

Why is he stressed? This is a question we have been asking all year. He is a potential high-flier and has extremely high target grades in all subjects, which he feels under pressure (not from us I hope) to meet. Also, since this year (yr10) school and lessons have disappointingly become very narrow and exams- driven, rather than focused on education in its broader sense.

Is he well liked by other pupils? Sometimes those who are high fliers, well-behaved, etc., can be seen by others as a be removed/nerdy/arrogant/whatever else - just sometimes things that don't necessarily make good prefect material (depending what, exactly, prefects have to do at the school - but eg., keeping order, supervising younger ones, making sure rules are kept might need someone that isn't necessarily high-flying, perfectly well-behaved, but actually one who is well-liked, can judge social situations well, is flexible about when and how rules can be broken, has good rapport with peers and younger ones, etc etc.). No idea if your son is also this sort of character, in which case it might be that he does get reconsidered later on. But it could be that he doesn't have some of the people-skills they are looking for, and maybe that could be something you could work on in the meantime? Or get some feedback about what they might have been looking for? (besides not thumping people, obviously!).

That amount of stress and pressure in yr 10 does not sound right to me, at all (my dc are at a high achieving school), and you must be worried about yr 11.

Perhaps the prefect issue could be part of the discussion you are already having about his unhappiness - to me, it all seems linked because if they were really thinking about him, they would have explained personally and precisely why he was not being made a prefect, given he - and everyone else, which makes it humiliating - must have assumed he would be with his record? If they are linked, I don't see how he or you can move on....

Is he planning to stay on there after GCSEs?

They don't have a sixth form, so he won't be stopping.

Runawayhome - he is very much the kind of nerdy character you describe and is certainly not a typical 'popular' or 'in' student. In a context where maybe 10% of students are prefects, I concur absolutely with your judgment that he wouldn't necessarily make ideal prefect material. In those circumstances, he probably wouldn't have applied for prefect and wouldn't therefore have suffered this knock back. But this is a school where "senior student" is more of a status, and is awarded to between half and two thirds of pupils - and this is a non-selective state school.

Practically all the students he knows and gets on with, all the students who are in his top set classes, have all been awarded senior student status - some on probation.

Unfortunately it sounds reasonable enough that hitting another pupil would disqualify him. It's a shame if the incident was a one-off and he otherwise has an excellent record, but I can understand it being taken seriously.

I think you and he both need to let it go and move on. It sounds like he has enough stress and worry to deal with, and surely this prefect thing isn't really important? (though there was no such thing as prefects at my school, so maybe I don't entirely understand?)

Gut feeling - the lashing out incident is too recent. Had it happened a couple of years ago or even last year then it wouldn't be on the current teachers' radar. As it is, the members of staff who are deciding roles will be the same cohort who were possibly involved in disiplining him a few months ago.

Ephiny - I think you are right and we will just let it go. After the first conversation I haven't even discussed it with ds1, and won't unless he brings it up.

But it's still exercising my brain.

Does it really matter though?

I think if 50 - 70% are given prefect status, then it counts for nothing tbh.

You will make him look ridiculous if you go in and speak to the staff about it.

No reason why he can't ask for feedback himself though, if he's bothered.

in my school prefects were voted for by the teachers, the year group and the year group above before they left. that way votes were obtained for good grades and good behaviour but also by peers so generally went to those who were pretty well-rounded rather than just academic.
i don't think somebody who is stressed and despondent should be a prefect.

From a youth worker POV, i have seen a fair few teens in Y11 close to buckling under the pressure of Prefect, Mentor, Head of Sports Team, several after school activities... DC who want to contribute, but just take on a bit too much in an effort to please. My advice is always to drop something, unfortunately it's often youth club, at least for a few months! (luckily we tend to get them back in Y12 :o)

Could that be what the school are concerned about?

I am head of 6th form in my school and so am responsible, along with SLT for appointing prefects, had students and so on. One of our absolute to students got very stressed with her GCSEs last January, to the point that she was hospitalised. Until this happened, somewhat dramatically, no one was aware of how badly her stress was affecting her. She is much better now, but we have taken the decision not to make her a prefect (she has been given a position of responsibility, but one with much less to do) as we are, rightly, worried that moving into 6th form will be enough of a stress for her without worrying about performing her duties to the standard she will expect of herself. It could be, OP, that your son's school has noticed how stressed he's been and doesn't want to lay on more potential stress for him. I have to say though, I sat down with the girl at my school and discussed it with her, so she is very aware that our decision is nothing to do with us not believing her to be good enough.

EvilTwins.....my dd was like that.
She applied end yr 10 to be a prefect, afer a difficult year. She has OCD and the GCSE modules were very stressful. She wasn't made one(30 prefects out of 210 girls in the year, 100 applied)
She was a bit disappointed, but knows she really has to work hard next year...lunchtime revision classes etc when most of prefect work is done.
She will be supporting the new year 7s in the first term though.

50% to 70% get prefect status? So it only means they qualify to be chosen, not that they necessarily will be.
What if you were to go in all guns blazing to get his status changed and he's not chosen anyway?
You need to work on the reasons he's feeling down, tbh, and trying to fix this is not the way to do it. You'll look a complete fool if you attempt to get involved.

At the school I was at in the 6th form prefects were basically chosen by the amount of volume that could come out of the mouth. Never really understood why. It meant most of the prefects had very little responsibility, and the younger ones usually knew of plenty of incriminating evidence against the, . Didn't make for successful prefects.

Lashing out in class (what was the teacher doing?) in the last year would, for me, take away the possibility of being a prefect. I'd agree with putting him on number 3 too.
Unfortunately, as in the real world, one silly incident can take away from 4 years good behaviour.

I was a prefect in Junior school
Oddly enough, it's not something that I put on my C.V.
I know it feels like a big deal at the moment but it's not really important, is it?

He will have a fresh start next year and can re-invent hmself into whatever/whoever he wants to be at sixth form.