Am I being precious about my pfb?

[roisin]

At ds1's school around 50 - 70% of students get prefect status each year.
Ds1 has always had impeccable reports, with highest possible grades for behaviour, commitment, attitude to peers and staff etc; and also very high attendance and extremely high progress and attainment.

In the last year he has been stressed with exam pressure and has been unhappy at school, but still had an excellent report - including the above - and got 3rd highest commitment grade in the whole yr group. We have been in touch with head of year and other pastoral staff about his despondency. A few months ago there was an incident in class and he lashed out at another pupil, resulting - quite rightly - in a detention: his first ever in 4 years.

For applications for prefect status there are 4 possible outcomes:

1. Yes
2. On probation
3. No, but review later next term
4. No

ds1 got 3, which I am astounded at. His target is "develop consistently positive relationships with staff and students". He is devastated, is taking it very badly, and currently seems very unlikely to respond positively to this setback, in the way they clearly hope he will. It strikes me that either
a) there are far more serious issues at school than we have been aware of, which have not been raised at parents evenings or in reports
b) they have introduced much stricter prefect criteria and are having far fewer this year
c) there has been an injustice. I realise he's not perfect, but I can't believe there are 120 odd students in the year who are more suitable prefect material than him.

So, is it unreasonable for me to contact head of year and ask for some clarification?

Actually, on re-reading the OP, I see that he got "No, but review later next term". He should be used to this concept - aren't they taught to review thier work and think about what they would do diferently/better next time.

It's up to him to ask himself or the teachers "what do I need to do to improve?"

for your DS - not only is he feeling stressed and unhappy, he feels unappreciated too.

In my UIV, there were 12, IIR out of about 120 (plus house captains and head girl). We were voted in by peers and I don't remember having any responsibilities whatsoever I don't think I ever mentioned it on a CV!

50-70% sounds a rather large number for it to be anything meaningful (although I can see exactly the same happening at DD's comp)l, but OTOH, even more of a kick in the teeth not to be chosen. I can see why he might have not been chosen (hitting another pupil) but they are going to review it next term.

YANBU to want to meet with the HoY, but go with a broader remit - to talk about what is stressing him, why he is unhappy and get targets for what he needs to do to make prefect status next term.

I think you could view the grading in a far more positive light and put a positive spin on it rather than getting upset with school or running them down.

Your son has been under stress recently. This is atypical of him. He lashed out at someone fairly recently, so the stress seems to be mounting not dissipating. Perhaps the school were thinking kindly of him, in the terms that he is prefect material (hence the review clause) but at the moment he deserves a break from added stress, until he's learned to cope with his current load.

It could be kindness, not disapproval that has led to this grading. Suggest this to him. He can always say to them that he'd like to be a prefect and thank them for saying they'll review him, then ask what changes specifically they'd like to see in him before they think he'd be right for the role.

It's a good thing in life to be thrown some disappointment, tests and challenges. He can use this to great effect if he wants to.