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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

please help!

39 replies

onwardandupwards · 01/07/2012 13:13

Dd about to start secondary in sept, Dd very young for age and has health problems. I went to open evening and was told by a teacher that cyber bulling is 50% the victims fault as they choose to turn their computer on!?? I just left and am having serious doubts about this school. I rang the school to ask to speak to someone about this and no one returned my call this was a week ago. Any advice please?

OP posts:

SecretSquirrels · 01/07/2012 14:03

She starts in September and you just went to the open evening? Normally the open evenings are in October and then you apply after you have looked round. Have you applied to this school? If not I would look at others.

magentadreamer · 01/07/2012 17:02

SecretSquirrels, the OP might have been to a yr6/7 transition evening - my DD's school had one last week.

Onwards - I would email your concerns to the Head.

Coops79 · 01/07/2012 17:07

What was the context of the comments made by the teacher OP? Was there anything else which made you uncomfortable about the school? It sounds like a thoughtless thing to say but I suspect that what s/he meant was that we all have a responsibility to police the usage of technology and that some students can render themselves vulnerable in the way they use certain sites, etc. I'm not agreeing with the point but I think it might have just been badly expressed.

Bunbaker · 01/07/2012 17:10

Is there a learning mentor at the school that you can talk to? At the yr6 transition parents evening at DD's school they always cover cyber bullying. It sounds like you have misunderstood the advice from the school. Usually the advice is to be careful who you befriend on social network sites.

DD is young for her age and timid, but she has managed to avoid cyber bullying so far because I won't allow her a Facebook account and she has only given her mobile number out to real friends. I was really nervous about her moving schools, but she has made a new circle of friends and settled nicely.

admission · 01/07/2012 17:13

That statement by the teacher betrays a sad lack of knowledge of cyber-bullying and what I would hope the school's policy on any kind of bullying is. You need to take this up with a written request to the head teacher for an explanation and re-assurance that this is not school policy.

Original poster

onwardandupwards · 01/07/2012 20:40

It was a transition evening and the teacher said cyber bullying is the "best form" of bullying and the way they deal with it is to turn off the computer and "50% of the blame lies with the victim doesnt it?, who encourages it by reading it and leaving computer on" those were his exact words.

OP posts:

Coops79 · 02/07/2012 08:07

Oh blimey, I take it back. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but that is appalling. Yes, clarify the school policy with the Head. Most school leaders these days (should) recognise that social networking and the like are now an integral part of life which can't simply be switched off or ignored. The school should be able to help teach your child about safe usage of sites and mobile phones. Personally I think that Cyber-bullying is in many ways much worse because it is easy to carry out and spreads like wildfire.

APMF · 02/07/2012 09:14

I'm with the teacher on this one. If I see something on tv I don't like I switch channels or go to do something else as opposed to watch it and then spend time drafting a letter or writing a blog about why I was offended.

Similarly on MN I either hide a thread if I strongly disagree with the whole thread or I simply bypass the poster.

I certainly wouldn't waste time reading the offending posts and then going on about how people are being mean to me.

Yes I agree that schools should have zero tolerance as far a bullying in the Real World but I can't get too worked up over what happens in Cyberspace.

Blu · 02/07/2012 09:28

APMF - I tbhink that's naive in terms of schools. It DOES matter if someone is circulating obscenely photoshopped pics of a 12 yo girl to all and sundry in the school, whether or not she has her computer switched on.

APMF · 02/07/2012 09:39

Did I miss the OP mentioning that obscene pictures of a 12 year old had been circulated?

Obviously if that was the case then it would be a police matter since an underaged child was involved.

tiggytape · 02/07/2012 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeingFluffy · 02/07/2012 10:00

This happened to my DD. She was using FB on her birthday. A "friend" who didn't have FB happened to join it that day and DD, this "friend" and other friends were chitchatting away.

Suddenly the "friend" started getting nasty; making personal comments about DD, criticising things on her wall. DD was very upset and in tears. It turned out it was not the "friend" at all but somebody impersonating her. Later events led me to suspect that it was the mother of a child who was in her friendship group who bore a grudge against DD. Other incidents happened as well to other children who this woman had a problem with. I told the school about it only a couple of months later, as I had originally thought it was a another child in the class being malicious and they told me to go to the police. I did in fact do so but had deleted the posts immediately so there was nothing they could do except make a note of it.

Cyber bullying is real, it does hurt and if someone makes a concerted effort to hurt you, it is not as simple as turning your computer off.

tethersend · 02/07/2012 10:00

How do you know something's offensive if you don't read it?

usualsuspect · 02/07/2012 10:03

Bullying is never the victims fault, whatever form it takes.

Bunbaker · 02/07/2012 10:04

Here, here usualsuspect. Bullying is just wrong and should never be justified.

usualsuspect · 02/07/2012 10:06

The internet is big part of teenagers lives, they should be able to use it without being bullied.

mumtoAG · 02/07/2012 10:11

What one teacher says can't necessarily be taken as the opinion of the school. But it is really concerning that you've tried to be in touch to talk about it and no ones got back to you. Try to get in touch again to clarify the sort of suppport school gives should bullying of any kind occur. Do you have an email address of DC new form tutor? They would be in a good position to help.

APMF · 02/07/2012 10:11

@tether - Well, if a post starts - APMF is such a twat then one doesn't need to be a rocket scientist to predict what follows from that post or from that poster's future post.

usualsuspect · 02/07/2012 10:20

What if you were being bullied by your work colleagues online and not just anonymous internet sprites?

tiggytape · 02/07/2012 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

APMF · 02/07/2012 10:26

Beingfluffy - Recently DD fell out with a friend. That friend then told lies about DD to their mutual friends. DD's real friends obviously didn't believe these lies. As for her other 'friends' that did, well, it showed that they weren't real friends in the first place so DD didn't waste any time worrying about what these girls thought about her.

My DCs are similar to me in that they aren't too concerned about what non-friends are saying about me/them. Perhaps that is why I find it difficult to empathize with the OP.

In any case, do you really expect the school to step in because a some girls are being bitchy about another?

imnotmymum · 02/07/2012 10:31

That is such a mindboggling thing to say and totally irresponsible imo. So I switch on my computer and am subjected to a mindless bully and it is me who is supposed to switch off my computer !! ?? And then be told it is my fault for using the internet. What if bullying happens in the school would it then be the victims fault for going to school ?? That said is probably just his opinion but would question his whole teaching methods I am afraid if he says such things.

wheresthebeach · 02/07/2012 10:32

I'd write to the Head and ask for clarification on their bullying policy. Kids are plugged into the internet and it forms a huge part of their social life in a way we 'oldies' don't really understand. If the school policy is reflected in the teachers comments then I'd have real concerns. If the teacher is just an idiot then I'd be less worried (every school has their dud teachers).

BeingFluffy · 02/07/2012 10:40

APMF
My post was actually about someone (quite probably a loony adult) taking the trouble to IMPERSONATE a child on FB as a means of bullying my daughter on her birthday. There were various other connected incidents such as a humilating video of another child ending up on YouTube.

Yes, the school did feel it was their problem. There are anti cyber bullying clauses written into their behaviour contracts with the students. There were a number of other incidents not concerning my family and the school took them seriously.

It wasn't just girls or boys bitching about someone, but seemed to be a nasty and rather sinister campaign against certain children.

mumtoAG · 02/07/2012 10:47

APMF, you've obviously done really well to raise well rounded children who can cope when friendships get difficult.

But unfortunatley not all children cope well, school's do and should step in when girls (and boys) are bitching (perhaps more than just an off comment - but something that is causing upset). Perhaps initially just to encourage them (often much in the same way as you have) how to resolve or deal with conflict, but also then to monitor it, to ensure that bitching doesn't get to a point where a child/children are unhappy over a period of time.

This response should be both offline and on line as part of theri duty of care.

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