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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

please help!

39 replies

onwardandupwards · 01/07/2012 13:13

Dd about to start secondary in sept, Dd very young for age and has health problems. I went to open evening and was told by a teacher that cyber bulling is 50% the victims fault as they choose to turn their computer on!?? I just left and am having serious doubts about this school. I rang the school to ask to speak to someone about this and no one returned my call this was a week ago. Any advice please?

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 02/07/2012 10:50

Anyone else find it sad that the most important thing about a school is it's bullying policy here?

Of course its very important that the school has a robust policy in place but that would not be my priority in choosing a school.

Also I agree with APMF - I have always discussed with my DDs what is acceptable behaviour with friends. If they were being bullied on FB or by text I would report the offenders + delete the accounts, their true friends could come over or ring the home phone to stay in touch.

. They then start again after a uwhile with a new account or number +FB security set so high only certain friends can be added.

OP by all means clarify the policy but look at the bigger picture,

mummytime · 02/07/2012 10:53

APMF cyber bullying is not just someone saying something mean to you in a chat room. It is people texting you, sending you images, sending your images (possible after being photoshopped) to others. I would suggest you find out about sites like "Little Gossip" and if you think some of the comments on there are not harmful even if the person "gossiped" about never goes to the site or see the comments.

Children who never use technology could be victims of cyber-bullying, as long as they know people who do. Kids can set up facebook pages etc. in the names of other people (why do you think Celebs worry about this).

What if one of your kids went into school one day and everyone was giving them odd looks? And people didn't want to sit next to them? Or the people who were suddenly friendly to your DD were the sleazey boys? Would you think the school should intervene when it appeared that someone had posted something nasty on a website (eg. Julie had a 4 some)? Would you take it to the police?

It is part of a schools responsibility to prepare their pupils for life, which includes educating them about ways they may break the law, or be victims, and what to do about it.

OP I would contact the school and find out their cyber-bullying policy and if this is a general school wide opinion (in which case I would be very very concerned) or a case of one member of staff saying something without thinking.

Blu · 02/07/2012 10:54

APMF - that sort of thing is typical for cyber bullying. It isn't someone having a 2 way conversation on FB where they each have a rational disagreement but with added name calling. And it may not involve illegal sexual material, but still be can be vicious and designed to spread humiliating material through evryone's phones, on YouTube....

And would the example I gave be OK then if the victim was not underage, but doing GCSEs, as long as she doesn't turn on her computer?

imnotmymum · 02/07/2012 10:55

Has anybody actually put it is the most important thing when choosing a school -the bullying policy ??

tiggytape · 02/07/2012 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

APMF · 02/07/2012 11:04

blu - at the risk of being pedentic, if a dc was doing gcse then he /she would be underaged.

In any case, the teacher was making a non specific comment about cyber bullying. As far as I am aware, the teacher is not saying that the school will do nothing if a DC is pushed to the point where the DC is suicidal.

tiggytape · 02/07/2012 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 02/07/2012 11:10

Why should the victim have to delete their accounts? No way would I tell mine to hide away from the bullies.

The Bullies are the ones in the wrong and should be dealt with by the school IMO

mumtoAG · 02/07/2012 15:16

I'm going to be controversial here and say I actually think an anti bullying policy is one of the most important things in a school. shelter myself from imminent blows . I guess not just the policy but how it is implemented. A school that is not willing to tackle bullying is surely a school that is not willing to tackle poor behaviour? This is never going to be a school where students are going to be rewarded (and not teased) for doing well, either behaviourally, academically or socially. Obviouosly I wouldn't chose a school for DC that had a poor academic record etc with great bullying policy, but I think it shouldn't be underestimated.

Bossybritches22 · 02/07/2012 15:28

mumtoAG Oh yes I agree it is very important but as mummytime says it could have been a foolishly flippant remark by a thoughtless teacher & need checking out especially if everything else about the school is OK for the OP & her DD.

I just find it sad that there is a need for so much intervention by the schools & families over bloody FB etc it is the kids street corner & it should be a fun part of growing up & yes there will be fallings out along the way but why does it have to get so nasty ?

Grin

Hope you get your questions answered & DD settles in Ok either in this school or another one.

mumtoAG · 02/07/2012 15:36

Oh I agree on that, a thoughtless remark is easily made, and the OP should def try to get in touch with the school again just to set her mind at rest that the school is fine (as it most probably is).

bruffin · 02/07/2012 17:25

My dd once saw something unpleasant written about her friend. The friend doesn't have facebook etc. I reported the post to the school, school took it very seriously and girl's parents were called in, mobile taken away from her etc
DD's friend never ever knew about it and as far as i am aware doesn't to this day, but it would have been very hurtful to her to have found it.

Original poster
onwardandupwards · 02/07/2012 18:35

The only reason i asked advice was dd was bullied before and it caused her to lose all her confidence, her friends and a year off school even now has therapy to help her cope. Alarm bells went off as all the problems she had before. Dd cannot go to local secondary as her previous bullies are going there and only last month one of them hit her with a plastic cable across her back. The school has still not returned my call do i just leave it and hope for the best?

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 03/07/2012 18:41

"I'm going to be controversial here and say I actually think an anti bullying policy is one of the most important things in a school."

I agree. DD's school is only satisfactory, but it takes a strong stance against bullying. Unfortunately DD encountered some bullying that reduced the little confidence she had to zero and the school was brilliant about it. Academically I can't complain about the work DD has done in year 7 and has exceeded expectations in English and maths (just got her end of year report).

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