Bunbaker I dont disagree with you, and indeed paying school fees is tutoring in another form. I would also consider a tutor if I felt that either of my children were struggling to acquire key numeracy and literacy skills. My daughter is dyslexic, and some extra help in English both at home and in school at a key stage has really helped her performance in all subjects and her enjoyment of school. If I felt she was slipping again I would want her to have help.
Tutoring is not much talked about but my observation of affluent selective schools is that for maths it seems to be most frequent in the top and bottom sets. I get the latter, but worry about the former. Fine if it is that, say, a child will need to get exceptional maths results in order to read engineering. However I am slightly frightened by the competitive tutoring in place to either keep a child at the top of the year group or to achieve all A*. Not that these are not fine achievements but I suspect there is a cost.
I dont really want my relationship with my teenagers to be dominated by an effort to over-achieve in school. I want DC to work hard, be diligent, and get there on their own efforts. Because that is what they will have to do in adult life. I want them to gain the emotional intelligence that allows them to understand that if you dont work you dont achieve your goals, that you sometimes fail or disappoint yourself but you need to pick yourself up and start again, and that work-life balance is important.
They might get better results if they had a tutor taking them through work they have covered in school. However not having a tutor means you have to listen in class and write good notes. I also wonder about the mini-renaissance children brought up to believe that all A*s and Grade 8 in piano are what count. I sometimes suspect that some use the same criteria and find it difficult to relate to less accomplished children. Real life is not all about grades and qualifications, and unless those results are backed by underlying intelligence, self management and social and emotional skills, an over structured and disciplined approach to teenage learning could presumably lead to problems in the future.