How many people let their child choose their secondary school preferences?

[mrsjavierbardem]

I'd love to know.
ds got into our first choice not really his.

MrsJ
TBH we drew up a list of schools we thought would be good. Went round and saw them & in the end chose school where DC said "I want to go here " (Not btw the one I would have said I wanted at one point ) but DC is happy I am truly delighted he is there . It is a fantastic school.

We were lucky and had a choice. I reckon it's a balance but I do believe the best thing is if the child positively wants to go to the school. I also think if you do have a choice it is better for parents to use their judgement and give DCs choices where frankly the worst that could happen is not that bad.

Sorry if that is not too clear or a bit sitty on on fency
SM

I visited all the schools and took my son only to ones I would be happy he went to. That way he felt he had an element of choice but really we had done some preselection. We chose the order on the CAF form, he wanted to go to a different school with his best friend but it wasn't the best school for him so although that went on the CAF it was 4th. We luckily got our first choice and he is quite happy about it. My view is that we are the adults who can make hopefully well rounded decisions whereas 10 yr olds can't see the whole picture. Whole thing ridiculously stressful though.

Thanks, I appreciate the advice, I know we are very lucky to be in the position of him having a place at an excellent school. But I look at him and think how massively it could influence his future. The schools are very different and will make a different man of him - I really think they're that different.

My hunch is he'll be a happier, gentler lad with good results at the comp.
and he'll get better grades, no doubt at the other school but I just don't know at what cost to his happiness. eg he really doesn't want to go to an all boys school.

Maybe if he's happier at the comp he'll get better grades! It's so maddening!
We don't even know if we can get a place at the comp, it would only be a hope and we wouldn't know for ages.

Hmm. Well, not exactly.

DC1 went to the only school with a suitable SEN unit, though he wasn't happy about it at first. He's flourished.

DC2 went to the school that the bus goes to. We didn't offer him a choice; it's Ofsted Outstanding, people move to get into catchment, blah blah. After a couple of terms it was so obvious this was the wrong school that we moved him to a less outstanding school but kinder school elsewhere (and are now stuck with a mad combination of driving, cycling and liftshares to manage it).

DC3 will get to choose, within reason, being such a different character from the other two.

Not much help, I'm afraid, except to say matching the school to the child does make a huge difference. I know that parental input is supposed to make an even bigger difference, but we were firefighting rather than supporting while DC2 was at the (unpredictably) 'wrong' school.

We let DD1 choose - but we'd already told her we had the final say. The school she liked most has a difficult commute (25 minute walk to the station, 25 minute train ride, 15 minute walk to the school), which was obviously a big negative. We actually made her do a trial run before allowing it as her first choice.

By the 1 March, I was beginning to hope she didn't get her first choice - but she did, and is looking forward to starting secondary school immensely.

Hearing other people's experience really does help, thanks!

We got our shortlist down to two schools, got offered places at both and were happy for DD1 to choose. She wouldn't! We went through all the pros and cons of each but ended up choosing for her at the last minute.

DD2 got the same choice of schools, and had a very strong preference - which changed every few months lol. In the end she picked the same school DD1 was already at.

I let my DD choose...
She had a choice of two super selective all girls day school and the grammar.
We went to look at a less selective all girls school for balance.

She was adamnat that that is where she wanted to go.

I was ...ahem..retiscent.

But DD and indeed DH won me over. And it has been a resounding success.

I drew up a shortlist with my DS and we went to visit them all. The school I liked was further away and all boys, but he wanted the local mixed secondary school that he could walk to. After much discussion and tears (mine!!!) we put his choice first and he got a place. I am happier really because he can get there in 15 minutes and can take part in lots of after school activities without getting home too late.

DS chose his (grammar). As he couldn't be bothered to look at any others, it was fortunate that he got in

I took both my older DC to visit the schools we were considering. DC1 didn't like the private school we liked, so we didn't apply in the end. His first choice and our first choice was the same, his second choice might have been different to DHs, and I had trouble ranking 2 and 3, we put his second second, and the other one third. Eventually we got the one we all preferred.
For DC 2 she was struggling to choose between two, I did put a little pressure, but she choose the same as her brother.

It is hard to send you child to a school they really don't want, they may have spotted something you haven't. On the other hand a friends DD might not have had as many issues if she'd gone to her mothers 1st choice.

our choices were
catchment - I'd home ed rather than send them there
feeder
another local one

so, like the vast bulk of the population, we went to feeder

We went around the local schools that we felt were suitable (there was 5 of them) and dd1 preferred one I had a preference for another. We put her 1st choice on top of the form. She got in is thriving in year 9 and doing excellent (much better than at primary)

dd 2 had hoped to pass 11+ but sadly didn't she then said she didn't want to go to school dd1 went too. This threw us as we had not considered that as a option however went with the academy She isn't happy however I am uncertain if she is still settling in (year 7) or if she simply is not a school type person (only schools she has been truly happy in was a private school for year 1 and 2 and a Danish school for 6 months)

ds is Choosing in September he will likely go to grammar school (year 5 and scoring 5's consistently) He has already announced he wants to go to the super selective, we are supporting his choice but as the other choices are the other 2 grammar schools we are not really all that worried.

dd3 is only in year 3 and currently not reaching targets for year So way to early to say.

Yes, but luckily we all agreed.
Not sure what we would have done had DS badly wanted a school we hated or didn't trust. Cunning influence and persuasion, I think.

It felt important for us that DS took ownership of his journey into secondary with committment and enthusiasm, and choosing preferences was part of that. He's sensible, wouldn't have chosen something not right just because his friends were going there, for example.

It's very interesting to read all these experiences.
ds is now suddenly into the idea of going to the school he's got into!
One of the boys who is going there was overjoyed today at school and this seems to have cheered ds up no end at the thought...
I think this may change over the next few days.... I'm still not sure myself where he'd thrive the best, I think he'd thrive in both but in maybe different ways.
The one he's got into is also walking distance from home, I think that's a really glorious thing and worth it's weight in gold in terms of the endless shlepping to and fro and buses and lifts etc

Me, OP, at least DC have a heavy vote which I would only over-ride in an extreme scenario. None of the possible choices are terrible (in my mind), though others might beg to differ.

I did and she was absolutely right, but then i was choosing between two outstanding grammars, might have been different under other circumstances.

DD2 did keep going on about our catchment school for a while, why couldn't she go there like all her friends. a) because it's rubbish we didn't fancy it, and b) her "friends" were mainly mean to her, so why choose a school where they were going?

We let ours offer their opinions. We also had our opinions, and we talked about all of them. Obviously we highlighted the things that were making us lean one way or another.

We also pointed out, that all we were doing was expressing a preference. It is the LA that actually allocates places.
At 10, children are easily swayed by the school that offeres them a free piece of chocolate concrete, or lets them have a go on the climbing wall. As adults, I think we know to look past that. Ours were "guided" by us until they agreed with us . No point in it becoming confrontational.

parents have to look at their whole future don't we?
I know there are loads of kids who do brilliantly who go to the lovely comp but I suspect they're the kids who've been top of the class all the way through their state primaries. My ds is able but sinks to the middle with ease unless a rocket is placed beneath his fundament...
dh says he'll do as little as he can get away with so we have to find a setting where that is a lot!!

My DD chose most of them but the third choice was mine as was the order. First choice we agreed on, her second I left off as the logistics would have been impossible.

Thankfully she got into our first choice so all happy

Our DD wanted a local faith school that many of her friends are going to. We said that if she could pass the Grammar school exam she should go there and we put that first. She did pass and is upset about that. Really don't know whether that was the right decision. Feel though that as noone from her class is going to the Grammar school, it would be hard to expect her to be overjoyed yet. Hoping she will come round once she starts school. Very hard decision to make and one I have to make again this October with the next child. Will probably do the same thing though is she 'failed' the Grammar, I think there will be tears again from DD1.

Before embarking on the 11+ prep we took DS to a number of open days at the indies on our list. Since the boy was going to spend 2 hours a day for 8 months prepping, we felt that it was important that he could see what the goal was and that it was HIS choice. Luckily he chose the one we wanted. Phew! :)

My child went to about 4 secondary schools to look round. The one he liked most was the one where they talked a lot about the school trips he would go on (Barcelona etc) He didn't go to that school, as I didn't put it first choice.
But being a parent I knew that ALL the schools had school trips.
Similarily he liked another school where they saw someone using a bunsen burner. All schools have bunsen burners.

I think you can't underestimate how little your child knows about the world of secondary. Only you can judge the pros and cons of each school, and read beyond the Selling Angle.

So my son, at a different school - not the one he liked best, which he neither disliked or liked particularily, but I judged to be best fit by talking to teachers, previous parents, looking at artwork and displays, and facilities, has just come back from a 4 day trip to Rome. He had a fantastic time!

Dd is adamant she wants to go to a school which is two bus journeys away, because everyone else is going there. TBH she has not even been round the school We will visit it, it is an option, but it shows that what they think they want is not really from an informed vantage point.

I know that dd hates getting up early, is easily upset, and would do better in a co-ed environment, she just wants to go to the same school as her existing peer group, and doesn't realise how many new friends she is likely to meet in secondary anyway. She is Yr 5, so a bit of time to sort things out.