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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

How many people let their child choose their secondary school preferences?

32 replies

mrsjavierbardem · 04/03/2012 23:52

I'd love to know.
ds got into our first choice not really his.

OP posts:
suburbandream · 06/03/2012 10:30

I haven't got to that stage yet, but will do soon (DS1 in year 5). He is at a lovely not very academic independent school and can carry on there into secondary, or he could go to grammar school (if he passed the 11+ that is!! Smile).

I went to the school my parents wanted - very strict super-selective grammar - and hated every minute. I wanted to go to the other grammar which had less impressive results but seemed lovely.

Obviously my choices for DS will be influenced by my own experience, and I think he will thrive where he is, in small classes where he is confident enough to aim high, rather than in a large class of super-academic kids where he would probably feel intimidated.

Theas18 · 06/03/2012 10:39

Absolutely the kids chose. Mind you after DD1 went to superselective and the saw what happened there both in terms of workload (fair and manageable with bouts of "eek panic!" but I'd say that was usual) and all the other exciting stuff that went on they both wanted the same.

The problem for us was accepting that they may not get a selective place and trying to "sell" state alternatives that we knew weren't really the right place for out kids (our catchment school isn't bad, but is isn't at all academic- if you want BTEC/vocational qualifications or have SEN it's great).

Fossie repeat tyo yourself and your kids "the exam is to help find the right school for you, it isn't a pass fail- if you don't work/think in the way the test wants you to then that school isn't the one for you" .

megapixels · 06/03/2012 10:46

We took DD to just the schools we liked! She preferred my 2nd pref school over the first, but I managed to talk her into the first. She had misgivings about just one small area but I could show evidence that it wasn't an issue. Luckily she always asks for my opinion and usually goes with our choice (oh happy days, I don't think it'll last long!).

The only problem is DH. He has different preferences. I think there'll be some arguments discussions come CAF time. And I'll probably win

swanthingafteranother · 06/03/2012 10:54

I went to a super selective independent day school. I remember at interview stage (having passed the exam which was thought to be very difficult) saying lackadaisically to my parents, I don't really care whether I go to the school or not, and them saying NO NO, be sure to say YOU REALLY WANT TO GO THERE. I did well to start with, but was lacking in ambition and confidence, and fell by the wayside, whereas in a less high achieving environment I might possibly have stayed on top, so to speak... I loved the school but in the end I didn't get good A-levels, make of that what you will.. I presume my parents wanted me to get good A-levels as the bottom line, certainly the school was set up for that.

I think what I said to my parents was a bit of a warning bell, meaning, This child although bright is not that self motivated, so although I was happy enough there for first few years, and their ambition was felt to be warranted, in the long term they might have listened to the sort of child I WAS rather than the child they wanted me to be. Similarily with my brothers they made the mistake of highly academic schools which didn't have enough pastoral support, and paid for it with my brothers both dropping out, one academically, and one emotionally scarred although achieving good results, but not getting a job for years, low self esteem etc.

So I can see it is important to listen to the sort of child you have and not impose all sorts of expectations of what they should be, on them.. But you are still in a better position to judge, taking those important factors into account,than the child itself.

wordfactory · 06/03/2012 10:57

Super selectives schools are like Marmite, I think. Some children thrive in the high octane environment. Others wither on the vine.

DD looked horrified when we showed her around our nearest SS. DS however felt like he was coming home. Horses for courses, no?

Personally, I think I would have loved a school like that Blush.

swanthingafteranother · 06/03/2012 10:57

My brother, the emotionally scarred one, BEGGED to go to a certain top London boys' school as a boarder, where he was absolutely miserable; and my parents say now, they should never have listened to him. He just wanted to go where his friend went, but it was all a disaster (although academically he did very well, top A-levels, and 2:1 uni)

flaime · 06/03/2012 18:33

We let our DD choose for herself, the choices were :
local school - can walk to, brand new building and facilities, all her closest friends going there, totally dire exam reults
Other school - 50 mins on the bus, only 1 friend (not best friend) going, older more traditional school buildings, much better accademically.

She weighed up all the pros and cons and chose the one further away and got in, now we are just crossing our fingers she likes it! (It is the one we preferred too)

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