DS not enjoying school and am thinking of moving him, where to though?

[PutThatCatOutNow]

DS is currently at the local school and is really not enjoying himself. He's in year seven at the moment so we were wondering, do you know of any boarding schools with good pastoral care which are likely to have an intake at year 8? Our local private school is Yarm School so that is also a possibility. We're considering full boarding as well so could go to most areas in the country as long as they are on a good train route. He's musial and is into drama so we want to take that into consideration, too.

Proper full boarding schools with no weekly/flexi/day children are few and far between. Thise that do exist generally take at yr 9.
Where do you live and how academic is he?

We're in North Yorkshire, near Middlesbrough (sort of). We're also looking at Edinburgh as it's on the east coast mainline. I just want somewhere that he can be happy. He is academic, although that is within a comp so it is hard to tell quite how so as they don't set.

Oh and it doesn't have to be a full boarding school, but we want somewhere where he can board fully.

Seven years of boarding and I've learnt that if you want full boarding then you need to be in a full boarding school because if not you will find that the vast majority go home a large part of the weekend and you DS will be left with just a couple of others.
I would also strongly advise you to choose a school within sensible driving distance unless you list driving as your main hobby have nothing to do all day or own a helicopter particularly as your DS is into drama and music; you are likely to want to attend any thing he's in. From personal experience 1 1/2 hourssome way Is far enough Ive just done it this afternoon to watch a sport fixture that was cancelled. Any further just becomes a pain in the backside. The only school I know of in you area is Ampleforth although am not sure about what types of boarding they offer although friends who have five there are definitely full boarding. It has a high standard of pastoral care and takes all sorts but you obviously need to be cool with the RC thing.

Look at Sedbergh School - my dd is starting in September and we were incredibly impressed with the school. My dd is very bright and very into drama and sport but I know the school is incredibly strong musically. The pastoral care is wonderful.

Should add she is year 6 atm going into year 7 in September

Stonyhurst is a good option

I think there are probably quite a few schools: Sedbergh, Stonyhurst, Merchistoun, Glenalmond, Fettes, Gordonstoun, Oakham, Greshams, Cheltenham College, Dean Close. Dean Close is very good for music, Wells Cathedral School, Kings Canterbury?

I'd be surprised if any schools had a major year 8 intake, so you might have to consider a school with a strong reputation for pastoral care who are convincing about how they would integrate an ad hoc arrival into an existing community.

What sort of boy is DS, and what you both you and he be looking for in the next school?

As most of the public schools have their main intake in year 9 you will be in the majority then. I know my dd is joining the junior section at Sedbergh moving to main school in 2 years. If you move your son into year 8 of the junior school he will at least have the chance to get to know some of the children there ready for when they move en masse at year 9 with all the other new children.

Should add that most of the public schools have a junior section. I agree totally with EdithWeston btw

Sorry, RL has been a bit manic recently! We want a school where he can be himself without being intimidated/put down by others. So somewhere that isn't a really competitive environment. Would somewhere like Sedbergh be like that or is it very competitive?

If you want a non competitive school, I would avoid most of the public schools suggested, to be honest.

What is making him unhappy?

Why is he not enjoying school at the moment? Has he only been there since September? I would make sure I understood and address what the problems are with his current school before I took such a major step.

He's scared to speak in class, was bullied when he joined the drama club so eventually stopped going (drama is his passion) and has had his trumpet stolen when he took it in for band, so has now stopped going to that as well. He hasn't made friends and there have been some bullying problems which the school haven't addressed. DS has been so miserable he barely leaves the house now, which is very unlike him. Out of his year of 12 at primary, they've all gone to different shools and he is very intimidated by the others in his year. At this point he just feels that a fresh start would be for the best.

Moving him might well be a option- but I would push really hard to get something done about the situation qt the school he is now. Even if he does move, he will feel better if the issues he is facing now are properly addressed.

What have the school done about the stolen trumpet and the bullying?

Well they found the trumpet in another boy's locker. This other boy claimed that my DS had put the trumpet their for safe keeping (!) and the school believed it even though my DS denied it. Re the bullying, all they have said to DS is to ignore the boys that are bullying him, although this is easier said than done when they are in the same form and the school is refusing to move either on of them.

I'm a bit puzzled and just want to clarify really. He is at a state comp now? You want to move him into a private boarding environment? Why isn't a day private school an option? Is it beacuse you don't have much choice around you?

I freely admit I know only a little about boarding school but it seems to me a bit of a risk to choose a place where he'll be away from you when his confidence has been so shaken.

From where you are, I would suggest one of the schools in or around York. That would include Ampleforth, St Peter's, Bootham and Ackworth at a push. In your area there's also Barnard Castle. I don't think any of these schools have a particularly established full boarding community but they are close enough to be able to weekly board. St Peter's does start at 13 but they have a prep school which usually has places in most year groups. None are academic hothouses (although the most so would be St Peter's) and have lots going on in music and drama.

He's at the state comp, although it is very highly achieving and tbh doesn't exactly have a mixed catchment. We do have a private school nearby (Yarm School) but it is very much an academic factory without much in the way of pastoral care. It does have excellent new facilities though and gets great results. Our DS has always expressed an interest in boarding and we origionally said he could board in 6th form if he still wanted to. However he desperately wants to change schools and is still showing an interest in boarding.

I understand why you think moving him is the best option, however as he is staying in the house so much, would moving him to a boarding school be the best option? It sounds to me as though he needs the reassurance of his home at the moment. Is there a school near you which offers occasional boarding so he can test the water before committing to full boarding? .

I would agree with the idea of a school that would be as flexible as possible so that, if he needed the security of home, you can provide it and that he can be at homw at weekends if he wanted to.

I know someone who has kids at St Peters in York and they love it.

Can I just ask why you are so sure he won't be bullied at an independent school?

And how you would know if he was being bullied if he was boarding?