DS not enjoying school and am thinking of moving him, where to though?

[PutThatCatOutNow]

DS is currently at the local school and is really not enjoying himself. He's in year seven at the moment so we were wondering, do you know of any boarding schools with good pastoral care which are likely to have an intake at year 8? Our local private school is Yarm School so that is also a possibility. We're considering full boarding as well so could go to most areas in the country as long as they are on a good train route. He's musial and is into drama so we want to take that into consideration, too.

I would also look again at the State schools near you. Get a doctors letter about the effects the bullying is having on your son, and then appeal for a place at a state school with a strong approach to bullying.

Barnard Castle School does very well by its pupils of v varying abilities.

I'm not sure I'd send a child who wasn't enjoying school off to boarding school.

DD at Sedbergh and the pastoral care is very good - also music is a dynamic- part of everyday school life. Junior School open day coming up, visiting well worthwhile.

My DH was at Ampleforth and loved it, we didn't send our DS's there purely because of money but we still visit frequently and it seems a very caring school. I quite often end up talking to youngsters at sporting events,mass etc and they seem very happy.

If you are still looking at Edinburgh schools many have their main intake at yr8 as that is the first year of secondary school. There are some schools eg merchiston that are mainly boarding, Fettes and Loretto that have a good number of boarders and others eg stewarts melville that are mainly day but have some boarding. Stewarts Melville have a great reputation for music & drama. Their junior school choir is often asked for professional tours eg Joseph. You have missed most of the assessment days for this year's entry, but I am sure that there may be some places if you ask.

I would second Giggleswick but you really have to make your mind up how important it is to have very high pastoral care. No use describing Yarm School as an exam factory and then being sniffy about Giggleswick's GCSE results - they are very good for a non-selective school and note the top 5% for value added. Either your comprehensive is an extremely successful school or else they are not doing soft or equivalent GCSEs.

Giggleswick
2011 GCSE 17% of entries graded A*.
A*/A grades equal the 2007 record at 46%
and the A*-C pass rate is 90%.
All pupils studied three sciences at GCSE level with one third
of the cohort taking the individual sciences
Value added score in top 5% of schools in the country.

Yarm School GCSE
% passes at:
A* = 36.7%
A*+A = 72%
A*+A+B = 91.8%

Sorry I was going off these results for Giggleswick, which seem to show results going down in the last few years. I was also partly comparing it to Bootham, which is non selective but get 92% passes at GCSE.
DN is at Yarm and has been pushed very hard. At the end of year seven she was told that if she didn't improve she would be asked to leave. It isn't really the atmosphere for DS.

DS's state gets 72% A*-C excluding equivelants so I was basing my opinion on what I'd seen about Giggleswick's results and DS's school. I was a bit quite to judge and will look into Giggleswick.

I'm sorry, that came out sounding harsh and I didn't mean to. What I meant is that Giggleswick is a nice school and a good school where pupils are happy and do well.

Re Yarm, it sounds like you have good cause to avoid it. Disgraceful when schools say something like that to a child who is working hard.

I'm going to be honest, if your child isn't handling bullying in a state school very well, sending him off to full time boarding school probably isn't the way forward I would choose.

Are you, bullying aside, generally happy with his present school? And, apologies if I missed this, have you called in a meeting with all the relevant staff in his current school, to explain exactly how he is coping right now?

I don't think children are more "bullied" at boarding school than they are at a day schools. But a child particularly a boy has to be tolerant of the inevitable banter that frequently exists between boys and that obviously at boarding school you can't get away from it. This banter is generally good humoured but as one deputy head I know once said boys don't always realise when they've unintentionally stepped over the line between good humoured banter and unkind teasing. Some settle into boarding immediately others take longer to settle and a tiny % never settle communal living is definitely not for everyone. Even at the best well equipped boarding school space and privacy can be limited and I can see that a sensitive child might find it difficult especially in the beginning. I also think joining a boarding school outside the main points of entry could also be difficult.
Having said all of this boarding is not only a wonderful opportunity for children but in the vast majority of cases a positive life enhancing event.

DD was bullied on Year 7 and wanted to board at a state boarding school. We refused to consider it, which might sound harsh. But there was no way I was going to let her go somewhere where I wouldn't know what was happening on a daily basis and wouldn't have been able to intervene quickly when I felt necessary .

When the bullying was going on home was her safe haven, naff though it sounds and a year later she still very much needs that security and input from us. Our situation is a bit different as they change at the end of year 8 but we're rather nervously waiting to hear if she gets into a school that two or three years ago I wouldn't have entertained the thought of. It's smaller than the other upper school and GCSE results aren't great. But they are very good at pastoral care and I am totally confident she will thrive there.

With the bullying you will be able to appeal to get into other local schools. If I were you I'd go and have a look at all locally as a starting point and see what you think, then take it from there.

"there was no way I was going to let her go somewhere where I wouldn't know what was happening on a daily basis and wouldn't have been able to intervene quickly when I felt necessary,"
Most children at boarding school have mobile phones and easy access to emails and are able to communicate with their parents very quickly if they wish too. House masters/house mistresses/matrons if aware of problems are usually very quick to intervene and of course generally intervene impartially; that is what they are there for. I am completely confident that my DS fantastic house master would resolve any problem better than I and would hope and assume that in the event of a problem that my DS would approach him first. Also I've never met a housemaster who would ignore bullying.
I don't hear from my DS very often because he's having such a fantastic time and is busy enjoying all the wonderful opportunities his school has to offer I am happy with this and in fact if he frequently called I would be worried.

That obviously works well for your DS HappyGardener, but wouldn't for my DD. She's not very good at communicating on the phone and only discusses what's bothering her when she wants to, think she mulls it over first. Then she'll drop it into conversation when I'm waiting for the kettle to boil, or at bedtime, or something like that when she's happy to talk about it.

A lot are small bits and pieces but we talk them through and I know what's going on. Then when things escalated as in DD's situation, I knew exactly what had been happening and was in the situation to deal with it quickly knowing all the facts. If DD wasn't living at home, even if I spoke to her daily, I wouldn't have known, she just wouldn't have told me. But, she does have Dyspraxia so maybe that makes a difference. Also being in a local school I have friends with children at the school who let me know when I need to know something which has made a huge difference and made life a lot easier.

Different strokes for different folks and all that. Don't think we're a boarding type of family. DH went for Sixth Form against his will when his parents buggered off abroad and had the most miserable time of his life. That was something his Mum said to me shortly before she died, how much she regretted that decision.

Sorry I didn't put this when I last replied as I was in a hurry.
Firstly, thank you all for your suggestions and opinions. Boarding is an absolute last reserve and, if the school was more willing to cooperate then I'm sure we wouldn't have been in this position.
Anyway, last week DH was made redundant (well he will oficially lose his job in may). This means boarding in no longer on the agenda, however a local indie still could be.
However, one thing that is becoming a real possibility is home schooling. Socially we aren't worried as he doesn't have any friends at school but does out. He also goes to a youth orchestra and drama group. We think this would be a good way to get his confidence back, learn to like school again and also get him to catch up as the bullying was affecting his learning. Once we have a clearer picture of future finances boarding may be an option.
Sadly the situation has not improved since I last updated. We have been into school to talk to the HOY and his form tutor and both said that they have no evidence to believe my son is being bullied. This is complete bollocks tbh and we were very unimpressed with the school's attitude. It appears that the boys who are bullying my DS have denied it and the school is believing them over my boy. This means they are taking no further action. It seems that as a lot of it is done at break times there are no witnesses and the word of DS isn't enough to convince them :(
We are also going to apply to another local school to see if they have space, but I'm not sure how cooperative his current school will be in letting him move. Can they say bullying hasn't taken place (which is what they said to us) to the council and therefore stop him being moved? And any other schools would be in another council, is that a problem?

Sorry for the essay!

Sounds like you have really been through it. Home Schooling not always the best solution. I worked as a sixth form tutor and whenever I had students coming to me from Home Schooling backgrounds, they often struggled to get back in to the normal environment of school/college at sixth form, which is a really important time. It seems outrageous that the school hasn't taken your comments on board and don't seem to believe your son. How distressing it must be for you all. I have worked in schools that said they had a 'zero tolerance' approach to bullying but in my mind, it exists in many places. Some schools go too far with it and you get children mistaking normal banter and teasing for bullying - the line has to be drawn somewhere and I think that it is if the child concerned is feeling victimised and unhappy in their surroundings. At least he has support at home - that is something. I do agree though, that persisting at his current school is a good way forward. Moving him to another school, with the tag of him having being bullied but not believed, isn't necessarily going to improve things. Sometimes, the next set of teachers see the file and think that the parent/child have the problem, not the school. I'm only giving you an insider's view. Have you looked at bullying support websites such as Beatbullying.org? It might be worth giving their helpline a call and seeing if there is something you can do that will help to give him confidence in the situation he's already in. As for boarding, I think there are plenty of boarding schools in the area that would be good. I don't know where people get the idea that just because he'd be away from you, he would be bullied and you wouldn't know about it. Often, at boarding schools, they are even more under the watchful eye of their Housemaster/mistress. I read your complete thread and saw what someone had said about don't send them to Sedbergh if they're sensitive and not a big, strong rugby player! It's ridiculous. I know plenty of children, through family, friends and local contacts, who have been to Sedbergh in recent years and they're all perfectly happy and were very well looked after - and they were the arty/musical/academic types. If they weren't into rugby, they'd be equally content learning to run, fish, debate, work for a charity project etc. I know it's not a question for you now, because of your husband's change in work, but if your circumstances change, I'd definitely consider it! They have to be very attentive to their boarders because many of them come from overseas and it's a big thing for them. Good luck with finding a solution anyway. I have a son and would hate him to go through something like this. You'll get there, though.

If the other school has a place, there is nothing his current school can do to stop him moving. Are you keeping a diary/written record of the bullying? If not start to do so now, with him recording what has happened so far. Also take him to see your GP, so your GP can write to affirm that in their opinion your son is depressed/has low self-esteem or whatever due to the bullying. This will help if you want to appeal for the place.
(If you do decide to appeal do post another thread and the admissions gurus can help you.)