Did you go private at age 11 - if so, what were your thoughts and motivation ?

[3point14]

Though a few years away, I am considering a private school for my daughter at age 11, when she finishes her junior school.

I am by no means settled on the choice but I wonder if some would like to share their experiences and thoughts either way.

In the end no we didn't, but we did consider it as a serious option and all 3 sat the local entrance exams (DD2 even got a substantial part fees non means tested scholarship- it was sooooo hard to turn that down).

We considered it because the local set up is highly selective grammars and then comprehensives, which though often good schools were geared (because of the top slicing of the brightest 5% by the grammars) to less academic routes of study.

It was clear at primary that somehow we had bred 3 academically very able kids who would thrive in an environment that stretched them and was fast paced for learning. They were lucky enough to get grammar places. So far so good!

Think about your child, their skills and aptitudes, work ethic and attitude to learning. Then have a look/read round your local schools and see if they match. If my child was a shy, slightly academically struggling, learner who needed nurturing and practical support, actually the local comp may well have been a good choice. The private schools locally offered a slightly less academic high flying environment but could be a bit more flexible to individuality and offered huge amounts of sport- which if your child was and 11yr old with an element of "springer spaniel" so they can't settle to work unless they do lots of exercise then that would be the best choice. A child who is basically bright but isn't a "grafter" may be better in a private school where they will be chasing them to apply themselves etc, IMHO state schools don't have the time and "bright but a bit lazy" kids will coast.

A child with learning difficulties is also probably best supported in a state school, unless it is a specialist private unit for say dyslexia.

What do you know about your local state schools that maybe makes you think private is the way forward?

Not done it yet, but will likely in a years time. Why? So that my DD won't have to mix with the working class kids from the estates. (If truth be told, IMHO, the true motivation for many in inner London who go private (when they can afford it) when there are perfectly acceptable state options around.)

yes. The other options were shit.

We are seriously considering it and are just working our way round the London day schools, off to see City boys on Thursday.

Why? I ask myself this a lot. DH and I were both privately educated at secondary and I have always assumed we would do the same for our kids. However, despite considering it very seriously and knowing that we have an extremely able DS I am also questioning why on earth we are prepared to pay around 15k a year for private school when our feeder comprehensive has nearly 90% of children getting 5A-C at GCSE, over 80% A-B at A level and a dozen or so going to OXbridge each year. It also has amazing facilities on par with the best privates and I know my DS would love it. I think that realistically the privates will be a back up once I have come to the sensible realisation that we would be mad to pay and that he will be hard pushed to get a better education than the state option will give him.

However, if we didn't have that option on our door step my motivation would be that we can afford to give our children the best opportunities so why would I not?

really ohdearconfused? I don't think that is the motivation for most sending their children at secondary level. maybe at primary level in London.

fwiw I won't for my dds because there is a good state secondary for them, but I have for ds1 because he has asd, and I may for ds2 because the boys schools are a bit shit. But only because of the educational standards, not because they might mix with the kids from the estates

Sounds, Maka, indeed that you would be mad to pay. Now, where is that school - not in my area I think.... but perhaps we should move. Care to disclose?

maka that is miles better than any of the state secondaries in my part of London and I will still be sending my dds to a state school. agree I wouldn't do it in that case.

yes, I'd like to know which area you're in too Maka, if you don't mind sharing?

Yes, really, Beattie its always under hushed tones and never when you first meet them, but its "its not really middle class enough" or "I don't want my DS/DD to be in a minority". Hardly ever any focus at all on results (which should always be compared to intake and not taken in isolation .... )

BeattieBow - sending your girls state and your boys private?

I don't know about my youngest ds - he's only 3! but the state secondaries here are single sex (apart from 1) and the girls ones are miles better than the boys. Miles. I would prefer to send him state, so am more likely to either send him to the boys school here or move to a different catchment than send him private, but it's an option anyway.

ds1 has asd and dyspraxia anyway, and we didn't find a state school that could cope with him.

It's all 11+ and grammer's round here. The DCs are still v young and I'm still blithely assuming they'll pass. If they don't, however, we would consider private although paying would be painful. FWIW, I don't think ohdear is that far from the truth.

If its all 11+ and grammars in your area, Avon, can quite see how your experience differs from London: the academic selection does the social selection on its own (more or less)....

Jajas, I know! Can't maintain the head in the sand approach for too long. OhDear - the non-selective schools are meant to be good here, relatively speaking, but there's obv less of an academic slant. I think, on balance, we would consider private because, for us, we wouldn't be happy with the non-grammar alternative.

DD1 passed her 11+ (not scraped either but really high marks in all papers) but the primary HT did her damndest to stop her from going to grammar school. We didn't know at the time but the thing that carries the most weight with the LA is the HTs recommendation, not the exam results.

DD was really easily led and we were worried sick about what would happen at the high school, given that she was of grammar ability. We were v v lucky that the outgoing Govt created 100s more Assisted Places, and we were in the right place at the right time. DD got into a good private school on the strength of her 11+ results and an interview.

Because we were on a really low income at the time (both working) we had really low fees.

DD blossomed overnight, and went from stroppy, sulky and awkward into a happy, focused girl. She remained easily led but this time was fighting to "beat" the highest scoring boy in the class. She got fabulous GCSE results but best of all she made loads of friends who have been there for her over the years, and who she is still in touch with even after separate universities and different directions in life.

(My only regret is that I didn't take her out of her primary school earlier :( )

We sent dd private for secondary school for several reasons, mainly that our local school was so crap the head celebrated when one child went to university the previous year. The other schools are so over subscribed we would have needed a miracle to get her in to one of them.

She is reasonably bright but lazy and laid back. She got lost in the state primary system as she is so quiet and shy. The teachers were so busy with the distruptive, demanding and the pushy that there are times when I think they barely noticed she was there. My only regret is the same as tallulah and I wish we had gone private sooner, however we just couldn't afford it. We have been lucky to get a bursary that covers some of the fees but they don't do bursaries for private primary round here.

I went to private secondary so knew roughly what to expect. We are still very happy with the decision we made, because the school suits dd.

Went private twice at 7. My children were never going to get into the highly selective school and the alternatives were not good. They are both thriving although year 7 was very much a year of transition with them catching up. DS3 is now in year 8 and he appears to have closed the gap. They both love the facilities and the sports. I also have ds2 in year 12 who I moved in year 9 because he had been written off by the state sector. Prior to his move I was told he would not achieve any GCSE's. This summer he achieved 8 A*-C. I should add this is a non selective private school

My DS is that spinger spaniel mentioned above!!! No grammars near us, 3 ok comps, visited independent school at age 7 to rule it out & we all loved it! He got a part fees scholarship for starting year 7 so for me that justifies the rest of the expense.
It's long days, lots of prep, hard work but equally lots of fun. He's already performed with the Concert Band and played in a B team rugby fixture, had a dispute with another boy resolved fairly & amicably by the school as well as starting Latin, 3 sciences, German (from a choice of 3 languages), etc, etc Obvioulsy the big draw is the free coffee lounge for parents waiting to pick kids up (never mind the coffee but the cakes are amazing!!!!)

BTW I started private school at age 11. I got a scholarship. I had been dreading the local comp cos of all the horror stories I had heard but I think I would have got on ok.
I did very well academically and loved my all girls school but I don't think it did a lot for confidence in the outside world. That must be pretty unusual for private schools which usually seem to do the opposite.
My parents' motivation was to avoid my sister & I going to the horrible local comp cos of all the horror stories they had heard!! We weren't that well off and they didn't spend money much on anything else! Food from the allottment, second hand uniform, no extra trips, didn't go abroad till I paid for myself at 18, etc but I think they (and my sister & I ) would do it all again.

My daughter is in local comp. We wanted to pay private but were worried if taking her away from her friends would actually do more harm than good. She is now in yr 8 and I have to say, I am not thrilled with the education she is receiving. She is a higher than average child (but only just over average) and I think she is coasting, not being pushed and could definitely do better.

We are now thinking of taking her out after Christmas and sending her to private (well known and well regrded). She has said this will make her sad but she understands :(

We feel awful but have to be cruel to be kind and all that. What do you all think? Also, the kids she is mixing with on a daily baisis are shocking to say the least. Went to see the end of year play last year and the language out of one girl's mouth was appauling, never heard a grown man say half the things she was saying..................disgusted and scared for my DD.

Thanks for all the replies.

We are not in a grammar school area. In fact, I feel the thought of cramming for months or years to pass an 11+ / entrance exam is not really conducive to a healthy and balanced outlook when growing up. I accept we will probably have some additional tuition but there is just something which disturbs me though perhaps it is enhanced by a lack of knowledge.

What I am worried about is the comprehensive inability to cater to the top end. I was in every top set, received 100% for 6 straight maths exams and once did mine (100%) and my friend's (gave him 94%) in a little over an hour of a two hour exam. Other subjects were also at the very top of examinable ranges. Yet I dropped out at 15.

There was no challenge, no motivation and I never needed to be pushed. In the end I simply fell off the rails, though I later climbed back on. I worry about that for my daughter.

Even if she is not so academic, additional support in other areas is woefully lacking at many schools, even if you have a good one near you. Perhaps this brings us all the way back to selection on merit and then back to private, which is where the confusion begins.

I guestimate 7 years costing around £120k at today's money at the mid end with 250k at the top end. So either £20k or £30k a year. Double that for pre tax salary and you have a fair chunk of change.

We moved DS1 to a private school at 11 and will do the same with DS2, though a different school as he's different - less academic, more sporty. We were very much in two minds because our local school, which was in special measures when we moved to this area, had suddenly got an amazing new head and was coming on leaps and bounds (and still is - lots of the boys' friends go/will go there and most of the parents are pretty happy). So why on earth, as you say, pay £15K per child to do this? I think if most parents are honest, it's to make sure that you "did all that you could" to make sure their kids got their exam results, had a fulfilling time during their secondary school years and ended up reasonably confident, well-rounded adults - so that we hopefully won't look back and think "oh if only we'd sent them privately". However of course there's no guarantee that this will happen at a private school, or wouldn't happen at a comprehensive - even as I write it, I can see there's no real logic!

In the end, just go with your gut feeling about your local school versus the private school - don't get too seduced by all the talk and the facilities at either, but just think about whether your DD would fit in there and enjoy it.

Also, unless your local school is truly dire, it's probably not worth sacrificing everything in the name of "a good education" - I honestly wouldn't be doing it if it meant we could never go on holiday or afford to live a nice life: children are happiest when they have a similar amount to their friends and live similar lives. If money's going to be very tight if you do the private option, I'd honestly go with a good local state school and fill in with some extra curricular clubs and tutoring where necessary.