Independent schools for the quirky/odd/non-conformist/downright difficult!

[Colleger]

Says it all really. If music school doesn't work out then we need to register at a school that will cater for a boy who is bright but only interested in academia when it suits him plus the personality above! I have to assume he won't get into Winchester and although Bedales would fit like a glove I do not want to accentuate the above traits! But let's not argue about Bedales!

Any advice?

'....if not top 5 year on year and have the highest oxbridge success of any boys...' emm! I wonder where I picked the idea from?! Look, as HappyG said the parent pays the parent chooses, we are only exchanging opinions. Whenever I ask for advice on this forum I hope people will come on and let me know what they think or flag warnings....hopefully their opinions will help me to make a right decision. I know children that have attended the top schools you are talking about and it didn't do the job for them. I know adults who have attended these schools that are miserable and haven't reached any of their dreams. My son's headmaster keeps telling me that my DS2 is an Eton boy whatever that means? In his opinion I am letting my son down by not going down that route. What is critical in all of this is to find the school where the child will flourish and enable them to reach their dreams during and afterwards.

You cannot blame a mere 5 years of schooling on the success and happiness of an adult. Parents/children need to look a little closely at themselves and their family rather than blaming external factors. If 5 years of schooling was still the cause of a 50 year old man's unhappiness then quite frankly that person had always had some issues and didn't have the backbone to get over it!

Harrow is first choice but due to being so oversubscribed I have to assume it's a long shot. He's in Year 6.

The parents at Uppingham are very conservative but the kids I know are off the rails in their social lives.

"What is critical in all of this is to find the school where the child will flourish and enable them to reach their dreams during and afterwards."
pastoralacademia this is what we all want but as none of us have a crystal ball we cannot ever know in advance if we are making the right decision. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
An Eton boy is one who is a good all rounder particularly good at sport and able to hit the ground running, you have to be pretty clever but not Win Coll clever to thrive (this was a comment directly from a mum with one son at Eton one at Win Coll). I personally dont believe you are "letting your son down" if you don't go down that route we know plenty of people who meet all the criteria for it but wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. It has to be right for all of you.
Lets be realistic many parents choose the wrong school and move their DC's after a couple of terms and even again a few terms later. One of the reasons for this is that all have smart websites, glossy prospectus and add into this the fact that at Eton and others it is virtually impossible to get a feel for it on their guided tours and of course if you talk to existing parents/children then they are unlikely to tell you that they're not happy because there still there!
Although having said this I think its good to listen to others opinions even if you don't agree because just sometimes you will hear a nugget of information that really matters to you and this will help you decide.
Maybe we agonise to much over choosing a school (I'm as guilty as the next mother). Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to afford to pay the enormously high fees that these school command are in the opinion of many in a fortunate position but this choice does not necessarily bring freedom. I suspect that independent education is becoming increasingly homogenised there will always be the exceptions which in my experience are the less/non selective pursuing a different ethos e.g. Summerhill etc or like Win Coll the excessively selective. But most of the others when you peel back the top layer of window dressing are ultimately pretty similar; they're all getting increasingly good results, have good facilities, all will tell you their music art drama depts are fantastic, lots of extra curricular activities, etc I think one way to narrow the choice is by deciding on a must have list; coed or not, full/majority boarding is I believe essential if you want boarding, location, distance from home, town/country, ridiculous uniform/no/normal uniform, does your child want to pursue a particular sport to a high level e.g. rowing, riding, does it have to be a "known" school, or highly selective I could go on. Maybe we're too influenced by small details; pupils we meet and like, heads/ teachers we liked or not but they come and go. There will always be horror stories/gossip and unhappy children at every school but I suspect the vast majority just get on with it and are happy the most of the time what more can we ask after all this is what happens in life!

Am I mistaken in believing your son started at his new music school only this September? And that he has attended quite a number of different schools before this? Are you really keen to move him again so soon?

Psychologists say that frequent moves (common in expat families, for example) tend to engender an approach which persists into adulthood when, if things are not going well in a given situation, professionally or socially, an individual doesn't perceive the need to stick at any endeavour because he is accustomed to moving on. This can cause problems in adulthood that no amount of A*s will compensate for.

If he has had difficulty settling at a few schools might there be a case to be made for trying to explore how he can make his quirkiness fit and allow him to make the most of his musical talent in the setting he is in rather than planning a further exit route so early. Any good school should be able to accommodate a range of children who bring a variety of challenges with them.

Interesting about Uppingham not my experience but I only know of a handful. I am too far away to know lots of children there you need to find a MM who lives more locally to it they will no more; I believe the majority are no more than an hours drive away. Perhaps a separate posting?

You mentioned Radley briefly, Colleger. Don't forget they have the Warden's list for those not registered and their music is good. Might be worth an enquiry? Having said that, I hear you that the majority of the admissions tend to come from a non diverse crowd, given the registration process. However, it is a good school and there is an entry point for the non registered.

Can't comment on Uppingham, didn't like Harrow (thought it was impersonal, didn't rate the housemaster we met and couldn't see my DSs in boaters!), I don't see Wellington as an all round school going forward - there is a lot of focus on academics and league table position and it is still v rugby orientated for the boys. There have been several threads on Stowe, but I wouldn't send my DCs there as I am not convinced about the rigour and pastoral care (again, personal view for my DCs).

What about St Edwards, Oxford? Good pastoral care and about to invest in a new music block. Have a look at their website. Seems to do well academically given the broad intake. I'm only hearing positive things about it from people I know with children there, and some have moved from v academic schools where they were unhappy and are sufficiently stretched at Teddies.

Good luck. I hope you find the right place for your DS.

The pastoral care at St Edwards is excellent and it also has a new head who I suspect is planning to improve its results. He came from Dover College and (that is what he was got in for) and this fact is its mentioned on the St Edwards web site.

I have said that DS starts in January and I hope he thrives and loves it, however if he turned round one day and said he didn't want to be a musician or the school asked him to leave because he was not progressing then I have to have an option. Due to the selection processs, many schools tests are happening this term or by the end of next year so I have to have a fall back. He has sat for Eton and I really hope he gets a place although that brings up problems as he will have to sit Common Entrance. Harrow, Win Coll, Stowe and Wellington have all said he can sit a paper in maths, English, French and VR/NVR at common entrance time.

Thanks for all your posts. Certain schools hadn't crossed my mind so I will definitely look into them and try nd research just how oversubscribed and selective they are.

Happygardening: My ds is not sporty ( Football, Rugby and hockey) a C team more like it. He excels at individual sports and he is extremely bright, very high IQ, too high I think! They are expecting him to get an Academic Scholarship and perhaps an Art one as well. The head worships Eton and Harrow, all the rest are second class as far as he is concerned, yes even Win Coll! I have 4 dc and I will try my best to get them where I feel and more importantly where they feel they will be happy. I will still keep an eye all the way and be alert....just in case.
Colleger: I wish your ds all the best, 5 years as a teenager is a life time....

The head of the Purcell school has quit. Mishandled a case of sexual bullying.

Actually he was found to have done nothing untoward by police and social workers. I know the full story.

OP, as others up the thread have suggested I would take a look at Bootham. I see students from the school around town etc and are always well mannered, the school took part in the york open studios art exhibition (opened to the public in summer) and the level was v high - I read that one year 20 pupils got 100% in art. School also does concerts through the year etc and every wednesday there is a recital open to the public. Other schools mentioned above Oakham is also definitely worth a look, as is Uppingham. Those are the only three mentioned that I have personally encountered so sorry couldn't be much more help. Also definitely look out for music scholarships - lessons are just so pricey!

I definitely wouldn't recommend Stowe for a quirky child. At the prep schoo I work at it's the 'cool' kids that go on to Stowe - not especiay academic, pretty sporty, very popular and with the potential to go off the rails. I know chidren who are very very happy there but do think there is potential for chidren who are slightly different to be totally miserable.

We send some lovely children to Uppingham. I hope they don't all turn out as you have suggested, that makes me sad :( Don't know much about the school really.

Have you considered Bloxham? It's quite small and personal and, I believe, has an excellent new music department.

colleger lots of votes for Uppingham perhaps you shouldn't listen to gossip/rumours and go and see it for yourself. Question the head re: your concerns.

Radical thought perhaps but would a good state school suit him ?

Oooooh nooooo!

Sorry, I couldn't help it. :)

pastoral

Ok - shall tuck back into 'me working class box.

(state schools are full of odd-balls and some have fab music departments - could broaden interests away from classical in to beat-box and rap,)

Rosemary: nothing to do with working class, private v state at all.. have a little read then you'll find out.

State is verboten here, even with pupils that leave with record contracts... but don't stop being helpful elsewhere, Rosemary

You'll be surprised to know this was my next suggestion! DS1 (quirky,eccentric etc.) is at a brill. state school I've come to the conclusion that bigger schools are good for the unconventional you stand out less, your less of an odd ball, there's a higher chance of finding others similar to you when there's over a 1000 children. The school worked hard to integrate him although it wasn't really necessary because he just walked in and took to it straight away. He's doing better than he ever did in his pushy boarding prep, and is much happier. All the teachers we meet seem committed and know the children OK some are less good than others but this happens anywhere regardless of whether you pay or not. Art is really strong as is music and sport is available after school for those interested; my DS isn't.
We are more than pleasantly surprised. Ok its not like this at every school and we didn't have to fight for a place but there are plenty others like this out there.
I suspect as many state schools get better then many independent schools will close because how many of us have £31000 to spend on fees? Many like Harrow are frantically pedalling back on their initial bursary plans; now scholars only. Fees of £31K are a lot of money in anyones book. Most state schools are also looking at the league tables and are not going to let children cruise any more than independent schools are thus making them even more attractive to parents. Our school website reads just like the website for a good independent school. I was talking to our head the other day he felt that the best will remain; Eton Win Coll St Pauls Girls/Boys etc. because the state sector can never compete with them but the rest are going to be in trouble particularly in these harsh economic times
colleger go and look you like me might be pleasantly surprised.

I couldn't agree with you more happygardening! I have visited a couple of state schools myself and I am really impressed, fair enough they are Grammar schools. However a family from My DCs prep opted for a comp and they were pleasantly surprised as well. Hearing about what their DCs are doing in the comp makes me wonder if I am getting value for money?!

the best will remain; Eton Win Coll St Pauls Girls/Boys etc. because the state sector can never compete with them

I'm sure any outstanding school will remain, whether state, public or other independents. For us and some classmates, using these ones as back up in case we could not make the state schools of choice, means the state does compete and is preferred over them. Most recent DC joining their secondary comp has been finding out not only did some classmates turn them down too, but have siblings at these very schools who did not make the state. Well, Eton, Westminster and SPGS anyway. Plus more lower 1st tier and second tier ones.

Open Day last month saw a high proportion of local and not so local top prep uniforms about. Parents shopping about tend to not be first or even second generation buyers though, so may be more relaxed about the "prestige" factor. Also a be "win-win" with all the extra term's fees flowing into independent school coffers when acceptances are withdrawn. So everyone's happy.